Diary Entries

I'm back from the soccer game, and like I said, I'm writing again.
When I got back from the game, my mom started to talk about how I have no friends...again...
Of course, I got really upset and just locked myself in the bathroom and finally, my mom decides to talk to me about it.
It was real emotional and shit, whatever, but now she knows that I'm so fucking lonely and sad and maybe she'll stop talking about it around me, but now I also know that she's going to do everything in her power to make sure I have other friends besides Mila.
As of right now, I've got major anxiety about tomorrow still. Lucy won't be at school and that could ruin my whole day, even though she ruins it everyday...
I hope that tomorrow will be good, but if Lights is sad, so am I...soooo...yeah.
Wish me luck.
Hopefully, I can sleep through the whole night
and also hopefully, I can start my spring break early by staying home tomorrow. Mila won't be at school and I'll be stuck with Lucy and probably Austin, too, and I don't want to be in an awkward situation like that. Ugh.
Sometimes, I just want to die and my life is pretty fucking good!!
For one, I can make friends if I act completely fake and forgive everyone that's screwed me over.
Two, I can have a boyfriend, but it won't be someone that I like.
Three, my family is absolutely amazing when I need them.
Four, I have an amazing best friend.
Five, I'm not completely ugly.
Six, I'm actually pretty great in school, academic wise.
I don't know why I'm still so fucking sad.
I don't know why I keep thinking about just dying.
I'd never commit, though, I'm too much of a pussy and I love my family and Mila too much.
Besides Mila & my family, no one would care all that much, I can bet on it.
I think I should just go to sleep now.