Sequel: A New Start ›
Diary Entries
August 24th, 2013
I almost forgot to write again today!
The entire day, I've been feeling pretty shitty. Not for any particular reason. (I'm getting all hormonal cause that time of the month is coming up......)
I've been really aggravated with my mom lately. Mostly because she acts like I'm the most horrible daughter ever sometimes. Everything I do can be done much better in her eyes. I'm not sure if I've mentioned this character before, but I have a friend named Song who is perfect in my mother's opinion. Song, in my opinion and many others, is very boring, judgmental, pessimistic, and just all about schoolwork. She dresses in dull colors and is just a dull person in general. Her and I used to be best friends, but she got....boring. Then, I got closer with Mila. I like Song a lot, though, don't get me wrong! She's just...dull. My mom wishes I was just like Song, though. That is really frustrating for me and sometimes my mom will bring Song up and compare me to her and I just tend to leave the conversation and lock myself in my room.
I just have so much that I need to do in order to be worth something in this society and I would rather push it all off to the side and try to enjoy myself, but it's difficult when I'm disappointing my mom while doing that.
I need to learn to drive, study for the SAT, take the SAT, retake the ACT, apply for scholarships, apply for colleges, figure out what I want to do as a career, get a job, read my AP books, clean my room and bathroom on a daily basis, do the dishes, vacuum, find a hobby that isn't blogging, get straight a's, take down my posters, dust my room, and stop wearing such short skirts.
Then, I'll be the perfect daughter for my mom.
Plus, I just basically described Song.
She's been driving for a while now, she's studied for the SAT, she's taken it, she's gotten a good score on the ACT first try, she's gotten a few scholarships now, she's applied for colleges, she knows what she wants to do, etc etc etc.
Plus, she's had straight a's practically since she was born.
I don't feel like writing about this anymore, but basically--
I like myself for the most part. I'm glad that I'm not like Song.
I just want to be better for my mom, but it's hard. Everything is really hard for me. It's hard for me to even order a pizza. I can't interact with people and I can't seem to do anything right. I'm always stuck in my head. My mom deserves better, but all of these things make me extremely anxious and unhappy and that's the last 2 things that I want to be.
The entire day, I've been feeling pretty shitty. Not for any particular reason. (I'm getting all hormonal cause that time of the month is coming up......)
I've been really aggravated with my mom lately. Mostly because she acts like I'm the most horrible daughter ever sometimes. Everything I do can be done much better in her eyes. I'm not sure if I've mentioned this character before, but I have a friend named Song who is perfect in my mother's opinion. Song, in my opinion and many others, is very boring, judgmental, pessimistic, and just all about schoolwork. She dresses in dull colors and is just a dull person in general. Her and I used to be best friends, but she got....boring. Then, I got closer with Mila. I like Song a lot, though, don't get me wrong! She's just...dull. My mom wishes I was just like Song, though. That is really frustrating for me and sometimes my mom will bring Song up and compare me to her and I just tend to leave the conversation and lock myself in my room.
I just have so much that I need to do in order to be worth something in this society and I would rather push it all off to the side and try to enjoy myself, but it's difficult when I'm disappointing my mom while doing that.
I need to learn to drive, study for the SAT, take the SAT, retake the ACT, apply for scholarships, apply for colleges, figure out what I want to do as a career, get a job, read my AP books, clean my room and bathroom on a daily basis, do the dishes, vacuum, find a hobby that isn't blogging, get straight a's, take down my posters, dust my room, and stop wearing such short skirts.
Then, I'll be the perfect daughter for my mom.
Plus, I just basically described Song.
She's been driving for a while now, she's studied for the SAT, she's taken it, she's gotten a good score on the ACT first try, she's gotten a few scholarships now, she's applied for colleges, she knows what she wants to do, etc etc etc.
Plus, she's had straight a's practically since she was born.
I don't feel like writing about this anymore, but basically--
I like myself for the most part. I'm glad that I'm not like Song.
I just want to be better for my mom, but it's hard. Everything is really hard for me. It's hard for me to even order a pizza. I can't interact with people and I can't seem to do anything right. I'm always stuck in my head. My mom deserves better, but all of these things make me extremely anxious and unhappy and that's the last 2 things that I want to be.