I'll Be Your Safety

When I walked into the house, there were boxes stacked up high in the front hallway. I placed Ethan on the ground, kicked off my shoes, and then proceeded to pick him up again. He was attempting at climbing one of the higher boxes, and I wasn’t up for taking chances at seeing how well his balance has developed.

“Liv?” Harry called out. I couldn’t see where he was from my vantage point, but I heard his footsteps slowly approach me. He kissed me on the cheek, and then glanced around at the messy hallway.

“Hey, I’m heading out to my mate’s birthday party tonight. I’m not sure when I’ll be home, so don’t wait for me to get home, ok?” He played with the tips of my hair.

“Ok, have fun.” I gave him a kiss. “Don’t drink and drive. Stay safe. Don’t be stupid.” I smiled.

“Okay, mom.” He teased. “Anyways, I’ll see you tomorrow.” He waved, dashing out the door. I smiled, readjusted Ethan in my arms, then walked into the living room where Niall was sitting watching TV. I placed Ethan down on the ground, and he immediately ran over to his toys.

“When’s your flight?” I asked. The couch dipped slightly under my weight as I sat down, and the loud noises of the television disrupted my thoughts.

“Tomorrow night at nine, why?” He asked, facing me.

“I was just wondering. I wanna be here when you leave.” I shrugged. My hand roamed around on the overstuffed sofa, feeling the soft fabric.

“You should come with me.” He mumbled.

“What?”

“I’m going to miss Ethan so much.” He frowned, ignoring my question.

“You want me to go with you?” I asked again. I sat up straighter in my seat, suddenly paying more attention to the conversation.

“Yeah. It’s gonna be hard not seeing him every day. I mean, what am I gonna do? Be one of those dads who only sees their son twice a year? One of those people who just leave, and never come back? Sayonara, have a nice life? I don’t wanna be that guy, Liv.” He leaned forward, and placed his head in his hands. Instinctively my hand moved to his back, and started rubbing circles in it. I shifted over slightly, so that our sides were pressed up against each other.

“Oh, Ni.” I sighed, bringing my hand up to my face. Seeing him this upset killed me. It killed me because I knew I was the one causing him all this pain. If it weren’t for Harry, Ethan and I could just move to London with Niall. But I was torn between my two boys; they were both dragging me in different directions.

“I wanna go.” I whispered.

“What?” His voice was mumbled through his hands. He slowly rose his head up after replying.

“I wanna go to London. I have to. Niall, I can’t be the reason you and Ethan don’t speak when he’s older. I can’t just let him grow up without his father there. I have to go.” I said shakily.

“But Harry-“

“Harry will understand. I hope. I’m doing this for Ethan, not for myself. Ethan always comes before me.”

“Wow.” He breathed.

“What?”

“I- I didn’t think you’d actually come. I thought I would never see you two again.” He shook his head.

I yawned, and checked the time on the clock. “It’s almost eight thirty, I’m going to put Ethan to bed.” I stood up, and brushed my shirt off.

“Okay.” Niall replied, flicking his gaze back to the television. I walked over to the corner and picked Ethan up, holding him securely in my arms. When I started up the stairs, he waved goodnight to Niall, then started playing with my hair. I pushed his bedroom door open with my back, and set him down on the changer. Silently I pulled a pale blue onesie from his dresser, and changed him into pajamas. Once he was all changed, I placed him down in his crib, and kissed the top of his head.

“I love you.” I smiled.

“Love you mummy.” He replied. I flicked off the lights, then slowly closed the door, careful to not make a sound. Once I was a few feet away from his room, I picked up the pace, walked over to Niall, and sat down again.

“Are you really going to do it?” Niall asked. His gaze was still set on the television.

“Yeah. I really am.” I breathed. I knew that I had to make a decision and stick to it. If I started to doubt myself now, I would surely chicken out and end up staying here in Los Angeles.

A small smile tugged the corners of Niall’s lips up. “You can stay at my place for a bit. You remember it, right? There’s enough space for the three of us for now. But, just a fair warning, there will be people in and out of that place like crazy.”

I nodded “Hey, I’ll be happy just to have somewhere to sleep. You could put me in a sleeping bag on the floor and I’d be fine.”

He laughed “Good.”

I yawned again, checking the time on the TV. “I’m exhausted.” I yawned.

“But it’s only nine.”

“I know, but I’m going to hit the sack. I’ll see ya tomorrow.” I stood up, stretching my arms above my head. Slowly I trudged across the room, enjoying how the fuzzy carpet felt when I dragged my feet along it. Once I made it to the top of the stairs, I paused, listening for any noise coming out of Ethan’s room. It was eerily silent, save the gentle noises from the TV downstairs.

I continued into my room, walking up to the large dresser and pulling out an oversized pajama shirt. Slowly I peeled off the clothes I was wearing, and tossed them into the wicker hamper, which sat near the bathroom door. Once I turned the lights off, the room was completely black, causing me to trip over the corner of the carpet.

“Shit.” I mumbled, catching my balance stealthily. I stuck my arms out, reaching around for the bedframe. Once I found it, I managed to crawl into my side of the bed, and fall asleep instantly.

It wasn’t the bright light that woke me up, but someone tugging on my hand. At first my instinct was to pull away, but even with my blurry morning eyes I noticed Ethan’s smiling face before my defensive instincts kicked in.

“Baby, what are you doing in here?” I rubbed my eyes and rolled over, kicking Harry’s leg in the process.

“Morning mummy.” He cheered, motioning for me to pick him up. I hoisted him up onto my lap, after propping myself upright with pillows.

“Who?” Harry mumbled sleepily, rolling over to face me.

“Harry!” Ethan waved. He had a thing for waving.

“Hey Ethan, what are you doing in here?” Harry asked, his voice unusually low since he had just woken up.

“Was looking for mummy.” He leaned forward, resting his head on my shoulder as he hugged my torso. I shot Harry a small smile, flicking my gaze between Ethan and Harry.

“Baby, why don’t you go find daddy, he can give you breakfast.” I placed him down on the floor.

“Okay!” He ran out of the room, calling for Niall.

“Morning.” Harry croaked, wrapping his arms around my waist. “Something wrong?” His smile faltered as he noticed the apprehensive look on my face.

“Hazz, I have something to tell you, and I just wanna tell you as soon as possible, because- well, I really don’t like keeping secrets from you.” I said quickly, wringing the blanket slightly.

He nodded, signaling for me to continue.

“I’m just going to say this straight up.” I exhaled loudly “I have to go to London.”

“Excuse me?”

“I’m going to London. For Ethan.”

His face fell “Why-“

“Harry, I have to. I can’t be the reason Niall gets to see his son once- maybe twice a year? Its just not fair to either of them.” I shook my head “I mean, you’ve seen the close bond they have. Could you just imagine how devastated Ethan would be if I told him he can’t see his dad for a couple months?” I felt tears spring to my eyes.

“So your fucking leaving me for him again?” he sneered, his attitude changing in an instant.

“I just- I’m sorry Harry. But long distance relationships- they just never work out. And-“

“What? So you think you can just fucking spring this on me last minute and everything will be ok? That I’ll just let you and Niall skip off into the fucking sunset hand in hand?” He stood up. I did too.

“Harry, please.” I sniffled. I was taken aback by his response.

“Jeez, Liv. It’s so typical you, isn’t it? To just leave.” He said, advancing towards me.

I opened my mouth to speak, and he raised his hand in the air. “Shut up, just- shut up for like five minutes.”

“Harry, I’m not doing this to-“ I started, and was cut off with a large slap on my cheek. It stung like a bitch, and my hand immediately found its way to the spot on my face.

“I said shut up, alright? Just, go. I don’t even care anymore.” He clutched my arm, hard, and it took all my willpower not to scream. “Just- just go. Just fucking go to London. I don’t give a shit.” He said angrily, his fingers slowly putting more and more pressure on my arm. Soon it was too much for me to take, and I tried to push him away.

“Harry, please let go.” I whimpered pathetically. At this point I didn’t care, I just wanted to get away with as little marks as possible.

“What was that? You want me to let go?” He hissed “Why? You can’t commit to something for too long? You already done?” I tried to push him away, but he just grabbed my only free arm, clutched my wrist, and pressed down on it. Hard.

“Stop.” I gasped, trying to shove him off me. He pushed my arms and let go, causing me to stumble and lose my balance.

“Coward.” He growled.

Coward.

Maybe that’s what I was.

I heard his heavy footsteps thump down the stairs, and it was only when the room was completely silent when managed to shakily haul myself off the ground with a sudden burst of adrenaline. I started stuffing all my belongings into the suitcase, feeling like a woman on the run.

First, my normal everyday clothes. I set an outfit aside for after the plane ride, just in case I needed to change. I then dumped the rest of my clothed into one side of the suitcase, surprising myself at how much it fit. I then opened the second drawer, which was filled with my old maternity clothes and some baby clothes Ethan had outgrown. I decided to take it with me, since there was no point in leaving it behind. After packing all of my stuff up into the one bag, I dragged it across the hall and into Ethan’s room. I filled the other half of the suitcase up with baby clothes and toys, packing a separate diaper bag filled with everything he might need during the long flight. It took over an hour, but I managed to pack up all the small things that could fit in a suitcase. I left it in the hallway, then walked downstairs where Niall was standing in the hallway, staring out the open door.

“Harry just left, did you-“ He stopped mid sentence, staring open mouthed at my face.

“What?” I asked, my brow furrowing in confusion.

“You, your cheek.” He reached a hand out tentatively and prodded it gently. It killed; I hadn’t even noticed the spreading hot pain; I had been too fueled with my sudden rush of adrenaline to notice. But now that the adrenaline had faded, it left me with the red hot pain.

“Shit, what happened?” He asked apprehensively. I turned around and looked at myself in the mirror. The mark was pretty bad, it was starting to turn a shade of bluish red.

“I, um. I’m fine.” I stammered, attempting a fake smile to reassure Niall. My attempt at calming him looked more like a grimace, and it looked like I was giving him a pedophilic smirk.

“Well, you don’t look fine.” He paused, his clear blue eyes inspecting my face intently. “Did he hit you?”

“What?”

“He did, didn’t he?” Niall set his jaw, then ran his hands through his brunette locks, mussing them up so they stuck out in all directions. “Shit.”

“Ni, I’m fine. Don’t worry about me, alright?” I placed my hand tentatively on his bicep, mentally blushing at his strong, muscular arms.

Not the time, Olivia.

“It’s not alright, he can’t just-“ He paused, and took a deep breath. “You know what? It is all right. We’re going somewhere far, far away from him.” Niall smiled finally.

I sighed. “There, good. Now, stop worrying about me.”

It was as the taxi pulled up when I got really nervous. Niall threw the suitcases into the backseat as I stood in front of the door with Ethan in my arms, freaked out of my mind. I was both terrified and ecstatic at the same time. It was such short notice that I was getting up and moving away to London; but I was doing it. Although, there was a small pit in my stomach that reminded me of the last time I moved to a new city on a whim with a One Direction member, and that didn’t exactly turn out well.

Niall started walking up towards me, and all the butterflies became even worse.
I sighed, once again questioning whether or not I was doing the right thing.

Niall nodded, a small smile twitching the corners of his lips upwards. “Well, you ready to go?”

“As ready as I’ll ever be.” I shivered.

“Let’s go.” He took my wrist in his hand to lead the way. I grimaced and let out a small noise, causing him to stop. Wordlessly he lifted up the edge of my sweater to reveal a nasty looking bruise. He didn’t say a word, he just made eye contact with me, and frowned slightly. He then grasped my hand instead, and continued to lead me into the waiting car. As we walked towards the taxi, and away from the house, I could only think one thing- finally.