Save Yourself, I'll Hold Them Back

Everything you’ve ever wanted is on the other side of fear. –George Addair

Chapter 11

I looked back up just in time to see Carol walk away from us. Daryl walked over to me and extended his hand, I took it without hesitation. He pulled me back up, but didn't move to take his hand away from mine. Neither did I.

Beth went over hesitantly to the walkers...the bodies. She stepped over a few before stopping at one. An older woman from what I could see. Her mom I would guess.

I look at the ground to give her some sort of privacy. Then I heard the growl, and Beth screamed. I looked up and saw Beth fall backwards crying, Glenn went over and shot the walker in the head. Beth was screaming and crying on the ground, but Patricia and Jimmy went to her to pick her up. The started leading her into the house.

Some of the others in the group trailed behind them and walked towards camp. Shane, Rick, Daryl and I remained there.

"You knew this whole time! We have been out; combing these woods and you knew she wasn't there no more!" Shane said, yelling at the Greene family.

"Shane, enough!" I yelled to him.

He turned to me, "You shut the hell up, Emerson! You think because we allowed you in this group you can tell me what to do? Yer just some little girl we found in the woods! We let you stay here because we knew you wasn't a threat! You have no say here, Emerson. Best stay the hell outta my way," he said harshly walking towards me.

Daryl put his hand up and pushed Shane back, "You best shut yer mouth, Shane. Don' talk to her like that."

Shane laughed sarcastically, "Damn, Daryl. Didn't think she'd be yer type. Willing to defend her, she must be pretty good. She let you touch her; I should be allowed to have a go."

Daryl lunged for him, but I pulled him back. Shane laughed for a few more seconds looking at us before turning back to Maggie.

"Leave us alone, Shane, we didn't know," Maggie told him.

"You knew and you kept it from us!"

Hershel was shaking his head looking at Shane, Hershel was close to tears, "I didn't know," he said calmly.

Shane scoffed, "That's bullshit! You knew!"

"We didn't know!" Maggie yelled at him.

Shane brought his hands up to his head, "Then why was she in there? Why was she in the barn? Y'all put her in there! You all knew!"

Hershel shook his head the whole time, calmly he said back, "Otis put people in there. Maybe he found her and put her in there."

Shane scoffed and rubbed his head, "You expect me to believe that?" he laughed lowly for a moment, "What do I look like? An idiot?"

I snorted and rolled my eyes, Shane snapped his head to look at me. I stared back at him. I wasn't going to let him intimidate me. He finally looked away when Hershel spoke again.

"I don't care what you believe!"

"Everyone calm down!" Rick yelled, finally trying to fix everything that was happening.

"Get him off my land," Hershel said, looking at Rick. Shane scoffed and rolled his eyes. I looked up at Daryl; he glanced down at me and shook his head. Basically telling me to shut it and stay out of it.

Rick was shaking his head a little, "Don't. Please."

"Let me tell you something-" Shane started, walking towards the family. I made a move for my gun, but Daryl brought my hand back down.

Then suddenly I heard the slap. Maggie had slapped Shane. I went wide eyed and my mouth popped open. Finally, someone had done it.

"Don't you touch him, haven't you done enough?" Maggie cried to Shane. Maggie took hold of Hershel and led him away, back towards the house.

"I mean it...off my land," Hershel told Rick before he left with Maggie.

I felt the tears start forming in my eyes, "We can't leave," I whispered.

Daryl looked down to me, "Go on back to camp, Em. Get the guys and tell em to come back here, we need'a dig graves for e'eryone."

I blinked back my tears and nodded, I turned to walk, but our hands were still together. I looked back to him, he let mine go, "Sorry," he muttered.

I smiled a little, "It's alright."

I turned and started walking back towards camp. I pulled my hair back into a messy bun and walked towards Glenn, who was sitting at the fire pit.

"Hey," I said quietly sitting in my chair next to his.

He nodded in greeting staring at the burnt wood in the fire pit.

I looked at my hands, "Um, Daryl wanted the guys to go to the barn. He said there needed to be some...graves dug up."

He nodded but didn't move, I stood up ready to tell the others, "She was just a kid, Emerson."

I looked down at him, he was still looking in the fire pit, I sat back down.

"I'm so sorry, Glenn. That's just...the worst thing that could have happened," I said quietly.

He sniffled and wiped his eyes, "She deserved so much more than this. She deserved a real life. So does Carl. So does Rick's unborn kid. We all deserve more than this, Emerson."

I nodded, "I know. All of us do. But...this is the new reality. As shitty as it is, this is our life now. And I hate it. I hate it so much, Glenn. And for a while, I just wanted to end it myself. Go out on my own terms, ya know? Even before this shit happened, that's what I wanted to do. And when I was alone in the woods before y'all found me, I wanted to end it.

“We only get one life, though, Glenn. And...so help me as shitty as it may be I'm gonna live it for as long as I can. And yeah, we're gonna have more sad moments than good ones now...but those good moments...those good moments are going to be the best things. If those few good moments help us cope for a second, then that's what it's gonna be."

He looked up at me and nodded, "Almost like we need to live life to the fullest even more now than before."

"Exactly, it might sound...I don't know...stupid or something. But to me it's true. I'm not saying living life to the fullest like before. Priorities have changed, but...like you for example," I said pointing at him, "you have Maggie. Don't deny it, I'm not stupid," I said when he opened his mouth, I smirked, "you have Maggie. That's a good thing, it’s a good thing that you found someone that you wanted to be with in this shitshow of a life. That’s something to smile about. If we don't lose members of the group, it's good. If we find something other than a can of beans to eat for dinner that's a good thing," I said with a laugh, he joined me.

I sighed, "Promise you'll always try and find a positive. You have to."

He smiled and nodded, "I will."

I smiled back at him, he stood up and stretched, "I'll get Dale and T-Dog to help," he said before he started walking away.

I was looking around the grass trying to find my book when Glenn called my name, I looked up at him.

"I heard what Shane said to you. Don't listen to him, okay? Ever. He's become such...a dick lately. That's not the reason we wanted you with us. We wanted you with us because you're a survivor. You made that clear in the woods," he said with such sincerity.

I smiled with tears in my eyes again, "Thank-you, Glenn. Thank-you."