Save Yourself, I'll Hold Them Back

I may not be there yet, but i'm closer than i was yesterday - Unknown

Chapter 7

The next morning when I woke up it was already daylight, it was probably closer to nine thirty in the morning when I crawled out of the tent. I groaned when I unzipped the tent and saw how bright the sun already was.

I took my boots and carried those along with my dirty clothes and walked over to the table where Lori was already standing doing laundry.

“Hey,” I said once I was beside her.

She smiled slightly at me, “We saved you some breakfast, it’s on the chair you usually sit in,” she informed me.

I smiled brightly at her, “Thank-you, do you need any help first?” I asked.

She shook her head slightly, “Not at the moment, go on and eat,” she said kindly to me.

I nodded, “You aright?” I asked quietly.

She nodded and looked at me, finally, “I’m fine.”

I noticed that she had dark circle under her eyes, as if she didn’t sleep during the night, but I didn’t push her.

I turned and walked over to my chair, I picked the plate up and sat down, I put the plate in my lap and slipped my boots on before I started picking at the bit of scrambled eggs and strip of bacon.
And it was silent, the sounds were either the fork on my plate, or Lori washing clothes, you could hear the water splashing and the clothes going in and out of the tub and being rung out.

When I was finished with the food I stood up and went to the R.V to bring my plate to be washed, I saw Andrea climbing up the small ladder to the roof.

“Hey, Andrea,” I called over to her.

She finished climbing up and looked down at me from the roof, “Hey,” she smiled.

“You taking watch?” I asked curiously. It was usually Dale doing that.

She nodded, proud, “Yeah. I mean, the boys can’t always do that,” she said with a laugh. She turned to look at the clearing and I saw her gun at her hip.

“You’re allowed to have your gun up there?” I asked

She nodded, “and there’s a sniper up here, just in case. Hershel doesn’t really want us to shoot on his land, though.”

I nodded, “Well, be careful,” I called.

“I will,” she said before turning away from me.

I went inside the R.V and saw Carol standing at the sink.

“Good morning,” she said with a small smile.

“Mornin’,” I replied.

She held her hand out for my plate and fork, “Thank-you,” I said giving it to her.

She nodded I return, “Where is everyone? It’s really quiet today,” I said.

“Rick and Shane are looking for Sophia, along with Daryl, but Daryl went off by himself, of course,” she mused, before going back to washing the dishes.

I nodded absently, before turning around and going back to meet Lori.

I saw Lori was talking to Glenn, rather heatedly, it looked like.

“Hey,” I called over to them, before I was right with them. I didn’t want to overhear anything they didn’t want me to.

Glenn looked over at me with a small smile, Lori turned to face me with an overly big smile, “Hey, Emerson!”

I knitted my eyebrows together and smiled for a second before it faltered, “What’s up?” I asked joining them at the picnic table.

Lori shrugged and shook her head, “Nothin’, Glenn and Maggie are going on a run to the drug store, need anything?”

“Um,” I started and looked at Glenn, “Could you tell Maggie I just need...like the essentials? She’ll understand...”

I saw red flush to his cheeks, “Sure,” he mumbled, ‘We’ll be back soon,” he said looking at Lori, who nodded at him in return.

He turned and left us alone, “What’s going on?” I asked, grabbing some of the wet clothes to hang up on the clothes line.

She let out a breathy laugh, “Nothin’, everythin’s fine.”

I nodded and concentrated on putting the clothes up with a clothes pin I wasn’t dumb, I knew something was going on, but would I push it? No. I knew the group accepted me, but I didn’t wanna lose trust or anything because I’m nosey.

So, Lori and I worked in silence, until Carol came out to join us. She joined us silently, just grabbing clothes and pinning them up on the clothes line.

“You know what I was thinking?” she said suddenly.

Lori hummed, never breaking her stride. I looked over at Carol, waiting for her to continue.

“I was thinking, it’s been a long time since I’ve cooked in a nice big kitchen like in the house, and after everything Hershel and his family has done for us, I thought maybe we could say thank-you by making a nice home cooked meal,” she explained, stopping to look at me and Lori.

Lori nodded, “That would be nice, it has been a while since I cooked properly.”

Carol smiled, “What do you say, Emerson?”

I smiled over at her, “I think that’s a really nice idea. I’d be happy to help.”

Carol nodded with a small smile, “Good. I thought you could bring that up to Hershel, Lori, would sound better coming from you.”

“What do you say that?” Lori asked, sounding shocked.

I grabbed a pair of Carl’s shorts and hung them up, “Well, Rick is the leader of the group, so that kind of makes you our unofficial first lady.”

I smiled to myself at the comparison; I guess that was kind of true.

Lori snorted, “Well, that’s fine. I’ll ask him. Thanks for the help, Em,” she said once she noticed we were finished hanging everything up.

“Not a problem,” I said with a small smile, “I’m just gonna get washed up.”

They nodded and I walked over to the house, I knocked on the door and waiting for Hershel to yell to come in.

I opened the door slowly, and saw Hershel sitting at his dining room table, eating, he looked up once he heard the door close, “Good morning, Emerson,” he said with a small nod.

“Mornin’ Hershel,” I said with a small nod in return.

He wiped his mouth with a napkin and pushed back a little from the dining room table, “How are ya feeling?”

I walked slowly over to the dining room, “Good. Better. My leg doesn’t hurt,” I said gently touching my leg where the stitches were.

He nodded with a small smile, “Good, good. You have energy, so that’s good, you look better than you did when they found you and brought you here.”

I smiled a little, “Thank-you for everything. Is it alright if I get washed?”

He nodded and tucked back in to the table, “Of course.”

“Thanks,” I said before turning and going towards the stairs.

I went into the bathroom and turned the sink on, the water was freezing, but water is water. I put some of the soap in my hands lathered it up; I washed my face and rinsed off. I blindly grabbed for a towel behind me I dried off and looked t myself in the mirror.

Hershel was right, my skin didn’t look as pale and yellowish as it did that first day here. I had my hair thrown up in a messy bun, and my eyes still looked sunken in, but that’s more than likely because I had lost a lot of weight since the world went to shit.

I stayed in the bathroom for probably about ten minutes. I wasn’t even doing anything, just thinking about how my life had turned to shit before the world did. And how I was thankful that this group had found me, and taken me in. It felt like I was in a real family. Not that with Ryan I didn’t feel like I was part of a family, but...I don’t know how to describe it, this group, with Rick and everyone, I felt like I was genuinely suppose to be in this group.

I had never had a genuine family unit. My dad died when I was six years old, I was an only child and my mom was trying to support me, while trying to keep her own head above water. But it was hard for her to care for herself, let alone worry about me. A year after he died, mom stopped working and pretty much only stayed in the house, usually with a drink in her hand to wash down some pills. ‘They make me happy,’ she would always say.

When I was thirteen and came home from school I found her in the kitchen...she had killed herself. Her eyes were still open and I just stared at her. I couldn’t help it. I finally called the cops, but it was obviously too late at that point.

And then I was passed from foster home to foster home. There was literally no one else in my family. There was no one I could go to, no where I could stay. Between being thirteen and eighteen I think I was in maybe eleven different homes. Some of the families were okay, and others were some of the worst people I had ever been around.

When I turned eighteen, I was gone. I worked my ass of and got an academic scholarship to college.
I worked in the mall during college and managed to work my way up to becoming manager. When the outbreak happened there was talk of a promotion, but, obviously that shit doesn’t mean anything anymore.

I finally snapped out of my own thoughts and left the bathroom, I walked quickly outside because, even though no one saw me in the bathroom thinking, I felt embarrassed because that’s all that I could think about at that point. It made me feel awkward. I don’t like thinking about that stuff, so I try and steer clear of those thoughts.

I shook my head to, I don’t know, try and get rid of those thoughts, I guess. I unzipped my tent, tossed my stuff into my tent and zipped it back up; I walked over to the RV and knocked on the door.

Dale opened it a second later with a smile, “Hey, Emerson.”

I smiled up at him, “Hey, Dale. How are you?”

He nodded, “Good, yourself?”

“I’m good; I was wondering if you had any books I could borrow?”

He moved back from the door to give me room to walk in, “Of course, come on in.”

I smiled and walked up the steps, he closed the door behind me, “They’re just over here,” he said pointing to a box on the table, “There’s not a lot, but it passes the time.”

I smiled down at the box; it’s kind of ridiculous that something like seeing books cold make you smile. I always hated reading but...it was something normal.

“Could I borrow one?” I asked touching the spines of the books, I was reading the titles of the books trying to pick one.

“Yeah! Of course,” he said smiling.

I picked up one I remembered from high school, ‘To Kill a Mockingbird.’

“This one alright?” I asked flipping through the pages.

He smiled, “Of course. It’s a classic; take your time reading it.”

“Thank-you,” I said with a smile, I left the RV and went over to the fire pit to start reading it.

Maybe half an hour later Glenn and Maggie came back to the house from their run. I put the book down and waved at them when they were close to me, “Hey guys.”

Glenn smiled, “Hey, Emerson,” Maggie said, sitting down beside me, she handed me a bag, “Glenn said you needed some stuff.”

“Thank-you,” I said with a smile, I opened the bag and saw everything I would need to last for a little while, “I really appreciate this.”

“It’s not a problem,” she said with a small smile, before standing up. “Are you alright for clothes? I have extra if you need some.”

I smiled, “Thanks for the offer, but when we went to my camp, I grabbed all my stuff. I can give you the clothes you let me use, if you want?”

She shook her head, “No, no, it’s not a problem. Happy to help,” she smiled at me before turning to walk into her house.

Glenn emerged from his tent a minute later and sat beside me, “Hey, Em.”

“Hey. So what was up last night?” I asked turning to face him a bit.

He looked at me uncomfortable, “I-it’s nothing.”

I tilted my head at him and watch his eyes dart around, “I’ve only known you for a few days, but I’m pretty sure I know when you’re lying. And I’m pretty sure you’re lying right now.”

He sighed and faced me, “Okay, I am. But will you promise not to tell anyone? I don’t like having this kind of shit on my shoulders.”

I nodded, “Yeah, I promise. Is everything okay?”

He shook his head slowly, “Lori might be pregnant.”

“What?” I whispered.

He nodded with a grimace.

“Walker!” Andrea called from the top of the RV.

I looked away from Glenn over to the RV; I stood up quickly and ran over there, with Glenn right behind me. All thoughts about Lori possibly being pregnant just slipped from my mind.

“Just the one?” Rick asked looking over at the clearing.

I raised my hand to shield my eyes from the sun and looked at the clearing, but couldn’t make anything out.

“I bet I can nail it,” Andrea said from her position from up on the roof. If she did, Hershel would be pissed.

“No, no! Andrea, put the gun down!” Rick said, but Shane, T-Dog and Glenn were already grabbing weapons.

“You best let us handle this!” Shane called over to her, I moved to go get another bat, like T-Dog but Shane noticed, “Same with you, don’t worry yer pretty little head, we got this.”

I gave him a dirty look, while he had this cocky look on his face.

Rick went over to Shane, “Hold up, Hershel wants to deal with walkers.”

Shane scoffed, “What for man, we got it covered,” Shane said walking with the pick axe in hand.

“Dammit,” I heard Rick mutter before running off.

The four guys took off the direction of the walker; Rick had grabbed his gun before going off. I stood at the RV with Dale, he was one the ladder a little and Andrea had the sniper in hand.

“Andrea, don’t!” Dale told her.

“Back off Dale,” she replied back to him with some venom, I looked at the roof of the RV and saw that she was lying on her stomach poised to shot the sniper.

“Andrea, Hershel is going to be pissed! Don’t shoot,” I warned her looking back to the clearing.

She scoffed, “I’m going to get a walker off his land, he’ll be fine with it.”

I shook my head, I could just faintly see that the guys had stopped just short of the walker, but I couldn’t understand why.

Then the shot rang out.

I instinctively crouched down and covered my ears. I had a bit of ringing in my ears from being so closed to the shot. I stood back up and looked over to where the guys were. I could hear Rick yelling, but it took a second to realize what he was saying.

“No!” he shouted.

I lifted my hand to shield the sun from my eyes; I saw them picking the walker up from the ground.

“Daryl,” I whispered.

“What are they doing?” Andrea asked.

“You shot Daryl!” I said, and I started running for the guys.

I ran as fast as I could. I was absolutely terrified about Daryl being shot. I don’t know why, he hadn’t exactly been pleasant to me. Well...actually, that might not be true. I felt that he started warming up to me since we spoke by that old house when he told me about the Cherokee Rose, and after he left one for me. I don’t know...I left like I could have been warming up to him a bit more as well.

I caught up to the guys just as Glenn spoke, “Look at him! He’s wearing ears!” Glenn said, distraught. I looked to Daryl’s neck as we walked quickly back to the farm, Shane and Rick supporting Daryl’s weight.

Rick pulled the rope with the ears from around Daryl’s neck snapping it from his neck, “We’re gonna pretend that didn’t happen,” Rick said shoving it into his pocket.

Hershel came over to us just then, meeting us almost at the door.

“What happened?”

I looked over to Rick to see what he would see, “We can discuss that later, just please help him, Hershel!”

Hershel stood firm and looked at Rick before nodding once and moving out of the way to let the guys in carrying Daryl.

And Daryl was just...there. I could barely see him breathing. It looked like the bullet had only just grazed his head, which I was incredibly thankful for. He looked so peaceful, though. Like, when he was sleeping in the back of the car, and he was dreaming, he looked so stressed and still so on guard and on alert. But...now he just looked peaceful, as if this was the first sleep he had gotten in a long while.

And I would be lying if I said I didn’t find him extremely attractive when he had a calm expression on his face. It smoothed his face out, and made him look a couple years younger than he did when he was awake and scowling at me all the time. Hell...even when he was scowling at me he was still handsome.

I let a breath out that I had been holding; I put my hand up to my heart and felt it going crazy. I left the others standing on the porch and went down to sit by the fire pit.

I saw someone’s shadow before I saw the person com and sit next to me.

“You alright?” Carol asked.

I look at her with a tight smile, “Yeah, it was just scary is all.”

She nodded, “Were you nervous because it was a member of the group, or nervous that it was Daryl?”

I felt myself go pale and my eyes go wide, “Because it was someone in the group, Carol.”

She kind of tilted her head at me, “Are you sure?”

I let out a small laugh, “Carol, you’ve seen it first hand, Daryl and I don’t exactly have best relationship.”

She smiled sadly at me and stood up, “You haven’t seen the way he’s looked at you lately then.”

I squinted at her, “What do you mean? I hadn’t seen him since last night.”

“Well then you missed how he looked at you last night while we were sitting around the fire after you woke up,” she said quietly, before smiling slightly at me again. She turned and walked away from me.

I looked back at the fire that was slowly burning down to just embers. Could I have really missed that?

No. No, of course not. It’s Daryl Dixon for fucks sake. I smirked and shook my head slightly.

But...I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel something.