Stuck Between Two Walls

I was sitting on the bed, my laptop on my lap, eyes glued to screen. My mind was fried like a million calories it is.

“What to write, what to write, what to write...” I kept on muttering, my finger tapping my forehead.

I had abandoned my blog and I have no intention of keeping that kind of attitude. I have to write but what should I write about? My life is so complicated right now and to write about it would only trouble me more. I guess blogs aren’t ‘my’ thing anymore since I’ve recently just discovered that the world is a huge place and words aren’t enough to convey my life.

I’m going mad.

This is all Ethan’s fault. Had he not made that statement, I won’t be this confused. What did he mean by I should stay beside him?
That I should not leave him. There was a certain edge to his voice. There was a certain urgency. Those words were simple but they’re making me insane by the minute. The way he said it was something else. Something foreign.

I swear to God that I’m going mad.

A knock almost made me jump.

“Les?”

That voice. Hearing that made the situation worse. The throb of my head doubled.

“Yes?” I asked, my voice an octave lower.

He opened the door with one swift movement. He peered inside, a concerned expression on his face. “Can I talk to you?”

I just nodded my head, not really in the mood for talking.

He hesitantly step forward, bringing himself to sit on the chair in front of my desk. He picked up a pen and began to spin it with his fingers, eyes on me. “I heard about what happened at school.”

I don’t think I could be more confused but it happened anyway.

“What?”

“I heard what happened.” He said softly, his eyes staring steadily at me. I missed those colors but I don’t think it’s helping me solve this mystery in my head.

“You heard what happened?” I frowned.

“Jane told Melissa all about it. She said that you were sent out of the room because of that Harrison kid and you failed the test.” He explained, a dry edge to his tone.

“It was my fault.” I told him, feeling the need to defend my friend.

“I wasn’t thinking. It was my fault that I got distracted.”

“So, he was distracting you.” He said, his eyes darkening.

“No! He was muttering to himself and- It wasn’t his fault.” I said again. Why can’t he just believe me?

‘Duh, it’s clear that he doesn’t like him.’ My inner voice said.

‘Why exactly?’ I spat back.

‘I don’t know.’ It replied, seemed to be shrugging.

‘You’re not helping.’ I groaned.

‘Just go ask him.’ It replied, tired of the conversation.

See how freaking crazy I was? Talking to myself is not a healthy thing to do. But I’m not crazy enough to go ask Damian that. That would be embarrassing and awkward and all.

“The point is you failed the test you spend the whole night studying for.”

“It’s a pop quiz. It’s nothing major.”

He sighed, putting the pen down. Then he looked at me seriously, eyes boring down on mine. “Les, I’m in college. And if there’s one thing I’ve learned in college, it’s that everything counts. Every score counts. Every record. I’ve forced myself to understand the concept of those books that contained words that sounds alien to me. I stayed up all night to study those foreign words that are clear as mud. Those were torture. I know that you also did that when you were preparing for Trig. I know that high school is different but I hate to think that you studied for nothing.”

I kept my mouth shut, not finding words to say.

“I hate to think you put so much effort into something and then it all goes to waste.” He said, eyes narrowing.

“It wasn’t Ethan’s fault.” I finally said, looking down at the floor.

“Why do you keep defending that guy?” he asked, annoyance coloring his tone.

“He’s my friend, Damian. Probably the only one I have.”

“Aren’t we friends?” he asked in a surprisingly quiet voice.

That question threw me off-guard. “Of course we are.”

“Then can I tell you something?”

“Um, sure?”

“I don’t like him.”

My inner voice laughed, ‘I wouldn’t have guessed that! Thanks for clearing it up!’

I said nothing, waiting for him to continue.

“I mean, you’ve gotten into trouble when you’re with him and everything. I know how guys like him behave since I’ve stumbled on a few of them back in high school. Those people think they’re invincible. They do everything they want. They’re bad influence, Les.”

“He’s different, that’s what he said. And I believe that because I can see how.”

“Saying that you’re different doesn’t exactly make you anymore different.”

“But he is! He may look like a troublemaker with the way he dress but he’s not!”

“He’s gotten you into trouble. How is that not a troublemaker?”

“Damian,” I said as calmly as I can. “You don’t know him.”

“Do you?”

I was thunder-struck. It was question containing only two words but it weight like a hundred pounds more.

“I think I do.” I finally answered but my chest still felt heavy.

“Do you know anything about his past?”

“He told me enough.”

“Did you know about his old girlfriend?”

“Of course. He told me that.” I said then my senses woke so I added, “What about it?”

“Then you should probably know that he was kicked out of his old school because of her.”

“What?” I asked. Confusion was far from what I was feeling right now. A lot of question was storming into my head.

“You’re probably wondering how I knew all that, aren’t you?”

I bit my lip, shaking my head to myself.

“I’ll take that as a yes. Jane told me.”

“How can Jane know all this?”

“Easy. She was interested in him the first time she laid eyes on him, some shit like that. Anyway, she did some research and found his records. You wouldn’t believe if I tell you his offense was.”

“Damian, why are you doing this?”

“I’m concerned about you, Les. You have no idea how much. You should stay away from him. Period. Keep your distance.” He said, standing up from the chair and walking towards me. He placed both of his hand on my shoulder. “He’s a magnet for trouble.”

Then he smiled at me like the whole conversation didn’t happen.