Dreams Only Last for a Night

My wedding day.
The supposed best day of your life.
your nervous but at the same time excited for the new beginnings and adventures you will share with your lover maybe travel the world or just settle down and have kids, maybe buy a beach house in Hawaii, or a cabin in the Rocky Mountains.

it doesn't matter though as long as your with your lover.
Your not sure of anything yet and thats what makes it so exciting, but what you do know is that your going to spend the rest of your lives together.
You've invited all your friends and family, and your ready to say "I do" and embark on the best journey of
your life.

Me and Alex will soon be married.
Joined together forever.
This is the happiest moment of my entire life.
My best friends Rian and Zach keep laughing at my bouncing up and down, but I can't help it, the nervousness, the second guessing, the anxiety, the fear of Alex not showing up and leaving me at the alter.
Rian and Zach say not to worry that he will come they tell me that they see how much he loves me and how much i love him and how we make a perfect couple. He was supposed to be here an hour before the wedding now there's 45 minutes until the wedding. Rian says pacing doesn't suit me.

I remember freshman year of high school when I met him, the most perfect person on the entire universe.
He had just moved here to Baltimore from England and we had instantly clicked and became best friends.
We were inseparable.
Parties, sleepovers, and just hanging out we did it all. We were and still are the best of friends.

37 minutes until the wedding.

Zach keeps trying to calm me down but it's no use I've already bit my fingernails down to nubs. If Alex Doesn't show up soon I might cry.

Me and Alex had met Zach and Rian a few months after becoming friends. We are like four brothers that's how close we are, but me and Alex always have something more something special.

35 minuites until the wedding

5 unanswered calls to Alex. Everyone just reassured me he was just running late that he would never abandon me. Sure he runs late a lot but to his own wedding? highly unlikely.

We started "All Time Low" soon after meeting. I was proud to be a part of something. And the band just brought me and Alex closer. We are all so close and knew each other so well that we can finish each others sentences. Alex knows everything about me and I know everything about him. We are not only lovers but also best friends which is the best kind of love.

30 minutes until the wedding.

I am starting to get uncomfortable in my suit. It's too tight In some places
And too baggy in others, if Alex was here he would tell me I look perfect and kiss me and I would instantly fell better.Our first kiss replays in my head whenever I feel sad

"Jack... I think... I think i like you as more than a friend, you know?" Alex had said blushing at me as we had layed in our favorite spot under the stars on 'Lookout Hill'.
We would meet there every day after school before we started going over each others houses. We still go but less frequent. Me and Alex still visit the magical hill where we became best friends, had our first kiss, and got engaged.

23 minutes until the wedding.

"What would you say if I kissed you?"
Alex had whispered
"I would say that guys don't kiss other guys..." I had softly said back not meaning a word of it. Truth be told I had a slight crush on Alex since I had first met him.
"would you really mean that? I can tell you feel the same way as I do..." Alex was and is perfect, the perfect friend, and lover.

16 minutes until the wedding.

Alex knows I get nervous easily. Why is he so late? Guests are arriving. his mom said he is probibly held up in traffic. I fucking hope so. I can't do this without him. Alex wherever you are I need you. Even Rian and Zach are looking worried now.

I can still almost feel that first kiss against my trembling lips. I could feel the warmth of Alex's soft lips on mine and the slow, careful movement.

8 minutes until the wedding.

I love Alex with all my entire heart and soul and I know he will be here. I just have to wait that's all.

We were in Alex's house sitting on his bed when he suddenly got all serious.
"Jack, I think I love you."
I was shocked because even though I had the best boyfriend in the world I didn't think anyone could ever love me. "You just think you do." I had responded
"But I know it. I don't just think it." From that day on he tried in every way to prove his love for me, and after a while I believed him.

2 minutes until the wedding.

Was our entire relationship a lie?

We talked about everything there is to talk about. I told him how I always wanted to go to Australia and pet a kangaroo and he had laughed and said we would go there some day. He promised.

1 minute until the wedding.

Where is he?

We were on Lookout hill watching the sunrise when I finally got up the nerve to do it. When I got down on one knee Alex simply froze and starred at me. But I knew I wanted to spent the rest of my life with him
"Lexy?" I had said "I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to spend the rest of eternity with you. I just- I want to grow old with you. You're not only my boyfriend but you're also my best friend and I know we're only twenty but it's been six years, and god dammit, they've been the best years of my entire life. You need to say yes, so we can take on this world together. Because I can't do this alone.
Will you marry me?"
I meant every word and Alex knew that and he said YES immediately after my speech.Then we cuddled under a blanket and watched the rest of the sun rise. It was truly magical.

10 minutes late.

I can hear the commotion of people in the other room waiting for the wedding to start as I shook nervously and freaking out in a corner. Rian and Zach pacing in front of me wasn't helping either. My mom came in an told me to get ahold of myself she told me to go to the bathroom to calm Down.
Walking to the bathroom I saw Alex's parents talking to the police and rushed over.
Alex is fine. He's just running late. He'll be here soon. He loves me he'll come.
His parents sobbing unashamedly rushed out the door.
"What's going on?" I asked freaking out "where is Alex?" "Is he ok?" The police man gave me a sympathetic look and asked me if I was Jack Barakat his fiancé. I said I was and he shook his head sadly.

"I'm so sorry." He started "Alex's car was hit by a truck on the way here and I would like to say he died immediately but unfortunately that is not the case as the car caught on fire and when we could finally get him out there was nothing we could do....
he told us to tell his fiancé Jack Barakat he loves you... I-I'm so sorry."
This isn't happening. It's a joke right? A sick twisted joke. Alex isn't dead. He can't be dead. Not Alex. He's too young to die. HE'S NOT DEAD! STOP LIEING! I felt arms restrain me as I lunged at the policeman.
I heard myself screaming "NO!", "HE'S NOT DEAD." Over and over. Zach held me as I sobbed into his chest while my mother brushed away the hair that fell onto my face and Rian patted my back. Everyone with tears in their eyes.

Rian dropped me off at mine and Alex's apartment, his things in the exact spot he left them when I walked in i saw a trail of rose petals the lead up to our room my heart breaking even more with every step. I folled the trail until on our bed was a heart of petals and two tickets to Australia. I just fell onto our bed enveloped in his scent and cried my eyes out.
It was him. His parents identified the body and it was really him. He was really gone. Alex was gone. I would never get to kiss him again, never even get to see him again. No more getaways at lookout hill or mornings spent cuddling. How can I live without him?
Alex's funeral is in two days. Alex's...... Funeral......

I felt everyone's tear filled eyes starring at me as I took the microphone.

"I-I don't know where to begin," I choked out speaking for the first Time in days "Alex was not only the love of my life but also my best friend. And, and I-I know that he's still with us. He may not be here in person, b-but he's always in our hearts. I j-just wish he didn't die so young. We had our whole lives ahead of us. Two days ago, I was ready to give my vows to him, t-to marry him and now, now that can never happen. I-I love him and I always will.'

My Dearest Alex,

Your not only my fiancé but also my best friend.
I love you so much, more than I love myself.
I remember when we first met I liked you instantly.
I remember our first kiss we were both so nervous, but it's still the best day of my life besides when you told me you loved me and when I asked you to marry me.
You are the most perfect person I've ever met,
I love everything about you.
Lexy, I really don't know what to write because I don't even know if you can even read this.
Right now I'm sitting in front of your grave crying my eyes out,
I can't do this alone.
I can't live without you.
There's no reason to live without you.
That's why I brought a bottle of pills.
They will send me to you,
Then we truly can be together forever.
I'll see you soon Lex.

Love love love love love,
Jack