Fall Into Me

"That sounds fun, Maia!" Zoey, my best friend from treatment, shakes with excitement as I tell her about my plans for the weekend. I had just wrapped up my weekly session with Dr. Taylor and decided to visit her.

"Yeah I guess…" I sigh.

She frowns. "What's the matter?"

"Won't they think I'm weird when I'm the only one that doesn't go into the pool?"

"So don't be the only one who doesn't go in?" she says as if it's the simplest solution in the world. I stand up and unbutton my jeans, pulling them down low enough for her to see my thighs. They are covered in scars, some darker and more visible than others.

"That's why," I say as I zip my pants back up. "They'll think I'm a freak. I can't go. You know what? I'm not going!" I huff, frustrated.

"Hey," Zoey takes my hand and gives it a gentle squeeze. "It'll be okay. Once you're in the water, no one's going to see them. Just cover them up with a towel or something whenever you get out. We're not supposed to let things hold us back from living, remember?"

I wonder for a moment how it's Zoey who's still stuck in this place when right now, it seems like she's got her head on straighter than I do. I nod and smile weakly because I know she's right. I can't let my scars keep me from making friends and having fun. I might as well be back here with Zoey if I do.



"Cannon Ball!" Jack shouts before he plunges into the water. I smile, watching from the sidelines, Sierra's iPod in my hand. Despite Zoey's advice to not let my scars hold me back, I decided to play DJ the moment I got to Sierra's house. I may have gotten myself into a bathing suit, but there is no way I'm letting anyone see me in it. My towel is wrapped securely around me, shielding my thighs from view. Maybe it's silly and maybe no one will say anything. What if they do though? How can I possibly explain?

"Maia!" Sierra swims up to me, resting her arms on the pool's edge. "What are you doing? Come in with us," she demands and I feel a knot form in my stomach.

"Who's going to pick the music though?" I reply desperately.

"Who cares? It's not like anyone's really listening anyway. Don't you like my friends?" she asks, glancing back at the group. The four of them are playing chicken now; Alex on Zack's shoulders and Rae on Jack's.

"Sierra, I barely know them."

"Yeah, and you never will if you sit out here all day," she counters, narrowing her eyes at me. I stare blankly at her without a clue of what to say. What other excuse is there? I look down at my lap, smoothing my hands out over the soft toweling material as if I'll find my answer there. Finally Sierra lets out a loud groan and drops back down into the water. "You are boring!" she sticks her tongue out at me before swimming back to join the others.

"Wait!" I call out without thinking. Sierra turns around and the others look over with curiosity. I suddenly regret opening my mouth and want nothing more than to crawl under one of the pool chairs and hide with my towel draped over me. No turning back now, I tell myself. I can't sit out on the sidelines all my life. "I bet I can make a bigger splash than Jack!" I recover, making Jack raise his eyebrows.

"Well put your money where your mouth is!" he grins, his brown eyes daring me to prove it. With all eyes on me, I slowly unwrap my towel and throw it on the ground. I don't waste any time jumping into the air and curling up into a ball shouting "Cannonball!" as I come down. I hear clapping as I come up to the surface again and smile.

"Yeah Maia!" Sierra cheers.

"Queen of the cannonball!" Zack shouts and I start to blush. For the moment, I forget all about my legs and my scars. I don't think about the fact that just a short time ago, I was in a mental ward. All I feel is the warmth in the pit of my stomach, spreading out to every point in my body. I feel whole and it feels amazing.



The six of us are scattered around Sierra's patio in the backyard. The sun set hours ago, but for us, the night's just begun. Rae and Jack are roasting marshmallows by the grill, competing to see who can make their marshmallow the perfect shade of golden brown. Alex is smoking a blunt and teaching Sierra to puff out the smoke in rings. Meanwhile, I am sitting at the table, my towel draped over my shoulders to keep me warm from the night chill. I'm gazing up at the sky, my knees tucked into my chest when Zack pulls out the chair next to me.

"So you're a stargazer?" he asks, looking up to see what he's missing out on. The sky is as black as the asphalt road, dotted with crystal-like stars.

"Not really," I answer, gently letting my bare feet fall to the ground. I feel a cool sensation rush through my body and grip the towel tighter around me.

"I know Sierra told you already, but I'm Zack," he says and I turn to him, catching the small grin on his face. "I just thought we should get to know each other better."

"Maia," I say even though he already knows my name. I notice his gaze travel down to my thighs and I swallow hard, trying to maintain my composure. If I don't make a big deal out of it, maybe he won't suspect anything.

"What happened?" he asks, looking back up at me.

I shrug casually as if it's nothing. "Just an accident from over vacation," I lie, but he nods and changes the subject.

"Do you like music?" he asks and I can't hold back. I snort and quickly cover my mouth in embarrassment. He smiles and leans a little closer to me. "I'll take that as a yes."

I smile back and nod. "I love music."

"Well a friend of mine is playing a show in the city. You wanna go with me?"

"What about everyone else?" I ask. He can't possibly be asking me out.

"I was thinking this could be just you and me. It'll be fun," he insists. "Unless you don't want to."

Was this really happening? An actual nice, good looking guy with the muscles of a Greek adonis actually wants to take me out on a date? Unless it's not a date. Why else did he only want the two of us to go though? It's definitely a date. My stomach starts to do flips and I can barely find my voice to speak. "No yeah, that sounds cool!" I manage to say, maybe sounding a little too eager.

We exchange numbers and I tell him where to pick me up for the show. Then he wraps his arm around me—giving me goosebumps all over—and we look up at the sky again, admiring the stars.