Status: In The Works ;)
Never Not Over You
Chapter Five: I'll hold you close and show you, you're not broken.
I never thought my week could start to turn to shit like it already was, Niall was in town sure that's great but it's not like he was aware of what was going on it started after lunch the day he surprised me.
after that day I started falling back into a dark hole and quite frankly I didn't want him seeing that "Still not feeling well?" Niall asked walking over to practically lifeless body, I shook my head curling up into a ball, hiding myself under the covers "I'll call in sick for you alright,you just rest up." He said kissing my head. I heard him in the kitchen making a few phone calls one to work then another to Zayn and Harry.
"I don't know, she's just been feeling unwell. mate.. I'm worried about her she hasn't left the house. I think maybe this whole thing is too much for her." I overheard him try to whisper on the phone.
I need a hug :'( <3 I texted Niall on the verge of crying "Thanks mate... I better go then" he said hanging up his phone and slipped into bed with me his hands rested on my stomach, and his lips rested on the back of my shoulder placing small kisses every few seconds.
Turning to face Niall I put my head on his chest gripping his shirt while tears fell from my face, hitting his skin. "what's wrong?" Niall asked brushing my hair out of my face "just some stuff but I'm fine." I mumbled wiping away the tears forming in my eyes "Ariel you can tell me what's wrong, I wont be mad." He replied looking at me "It's honestly nothing, just some people I used to know have been saying some things since I've been back.." I sighed "Are you sure that's all? Nothing else that maybe bothering you?" I shook my head and kept quiet again listening to the sound of Nialls heart beat.
I wanted to tell him everything that was going through my head but everything I wanted to say just wouldn't come out of my mouth,"I'm gonna go get us something to eat I'll be back soon." Niall smiled rolling out of bed "Alright, I'll be here waiting I guess." I replied waiting for Niall to leave before getting up and making my way to the bathroom 'You're disgusting, No one will ever love you!' the voices in my head continued to taunt me while I fixed myself in the mirror 'Just a matter of time before he sees the real you.' I wanted to punch something, the mirror anything, I was becoming a monster. 'Your mother was right you know...' I screamed and slowly slid down the back of the bathroom door crying, knowing my past was always going to be there to haunt me, knowing I was never really going to be good enough for Niall or anyone.
* * * *
I think I passed out from all the crying or I may have taken one if not two of my sleeping pills a little too soon when I woke up I looked around my phone was buzzing indicating a new message
Blocked ID: 1:30pm who the hell could be trying to get a hold of me, it wasn't Niall he was still getting food, I hear you're back in town. well actually I didn't hear through the old rumor mill, I saw you downtown the other day why the fuck are you back? Stop trying to ruin my life you did a great job of that when we were together! Just leave.
I read the message again over and over in my head to find there was more ... and lose my brothers number, I want nothing to do with you nor do I want him hanging around with someone like you.
well at least I know how this dickhead got my number. Congratulations Ariel you are the number 1 most hated person on the planet. I just couldn't believe he had the nerve to do that, I wanted to kill myself right then and there I couldn't handle it moving back here to Nashville was supposed to be a good thing, it wasn't meant to make me feel like this at all.
I crawled over to the cabinet draw looking for my old friends, they were well hidden in the off chance someone was rummaging through the draws,and might come across them. I don't know why I felt the need to bring them with me when I moved but I did and today I'm glad I did.
I ran the bath filling it with hot water, I closed the door and got in turning my music up as loud as I possibly could. I got in the tub letting the hot burning sensation take over me.
Everything's not alright and I would rather... the music played, I took the blade swiping it across my skin two,three times before I realized the once clean water was being stained red "shit." I mumbled seeing how deep I'd gone in this time, but I didn't care once I started I felt like the weight of the world had been lifted off my shoulders. I took the blade again and swiped across again this time the blood trickled out faster and I knew I had gone too far.
I got out putting the towel around me while I looked for something to stop the bleeding, I headed out of the bathroom to go get the first aid kit when I began to feel light headed and fell to the ground in the middle of the living room and dining area.
* * * *
I arrived back to the apartment after getting Chinese for us I just wanted to get back to Ariel as soon as possible "Hey Babe I'm back" I called walking upstairs with the food to find she wasn't there that's weird I thought to myself and headed back downstairs to where I could hear music playing loudly "Babe!?!" I called out heading towards the dining room "Fuck ! Babe!" I shouted dropping the food running over to Ariels body laying in the middle of the floor.
I checked to see if she was still breathing and she was all fine "Ariel!!" I screamed shaking her
Fuck me, why did you do this to yourself??? I thought to myself patching up the cuts on her leg.
Picking her up she opened her eyes a little, muttering something as I put her arms around my neck I carried her up to the bedroom and put some underwear on her and one of my jerseys and tucked her in. "I love you.." I whispered kissing her forehead.
I wish she'd told me what was going on, I never want to see anything like that ever again. I headed down the stairs to clean up the mess and blood on the floor and turned her music off before jumping on the couch to watch the football.
and waited for her to wake up.
* * * *
I woke up in bed, the room was dark I couldn't see anything just a bit of light peaking through the door from the hallway, I looked down at my leg and saw it was cleaned and patched up, Niall must have done it, Standing up I was still about dizzy and now worried about what I was going to tell him, he's going to think I'm crazy person. I took a blade to my own skin what kind of person does that, just the thought of it made me tear up and my heart was racing.
I snuck down the stairs quietly and saw Niall out the corner of my eye sitting on the couch watching football "Ni.." I said softly walking up behind him. Niall muted the t.v and turned to face me "Thank you, If you weren't here I would have ended up in a different situation.." I said sitting up next to him, he said nothing I don't think he even looked at me "I'm sorry." I cried looking up at him bring my knees to my chest, avoiding his eyes I was too scared to see the judging look he was probably giving me.
"Sweetie." He started "Why?" he asked tears forming in his eyes. It was my fault, I caused them. I made him cry . "Don't beat yourself up." realizing I said it out loud I wanted to hide.
Nialls soft hands caressed both of my cheeks and he pulled me into his lap leaning down to give me a loving kiss, I lay back on his chest resting my head in the crook of his neck, tears still falling down my red cheeks "Why?" Niall asked again
"I don't know, I had, had enough of everything going on around me. I was hurting and I was too scared to talk to you about it. I was afraid you were going to think I was a freak. I am a freak. I understand if you don't want to be with someone as crazy as me." I choked Niall couldn't say anything he just bobbed his
"I'm not going to leave you, I want you know that ok. If I didn't think we were going anywhere we wouldn't be together. I want you to talk to me I will listen and I wont judge you." Niall said "I couldn't handle it I wasn't going to do it then something came up and I made a dickish move." I sobbed "What do you mean something came up?" he asked
"I may as well tell you... a couple of days ago. when we went for lunch and I took off to the bathroom, the lady who came up to you with the two little girls...was my mom." I started holding his hand "why didn't you stay and introduce us?" He asked "Because she isn't my mom anymore. She disowned me at age 16 and from 8 up she made my life a living hell, she made me feel unwanted and useless she made me think it was my fault my dad left us." I explained "Babe... I" Niall stuttered
"It's fine. the thing that set me off most was my ex he saw us around town and we didn't leave on good terms he's the reason people hate me. anyway he's been trying to get me out of town." I sighed
"What??!" Niall exclaimed "I've been trying to just ignore him but it doesn't help that I have voices telling me I'm not good enough.." I replied "I don't want you to feel like this again, okay I want you to talk to me. you should have told me because you shouldn't be feeling like that." He said kissing me "Okay I will tell you when something is wrong." I replied looking up into his eyes
"Good.." He smiled sitting up pulling me into his tight embrace placing kisses along my forearms on my faded scars making his way up to my lips "You are perfect to me. and I-I love you." Niall choked "I'm not..." I replied wrapping my arms around his waist lying back down on him.
after that day I started falling back into a dark hole and quite frankly I didn't want him seeing that "Still not feeling well?" Niall asked walking over to practically lifeless body, I shook my head curling up into a ball, hiding myself under the covers "I'll call in sick for you alright,you just rest up." He said kissing my head. I heard him in the kitchen making a few phone calls one to work then another to Zayn and Harry.
"I don't know, she's just been feeling unwell. mate.. I'm worried about her she hasn't left the house. I think maybe this whole thing is too much for her." I overheard him try to whisper on the phone.
I need a hug :'( <3 I texted Niall on the verge of crying "Thanks mate... I better go then" he said hanging up his phone and slipped into bed with me his hands rested on my stomach, and his lips rested on the back of my shoulder placing small kisses every few seconds.
Turning to face Niall I put my head on his chest gripping his shirt while tears fell from my face, hitting his skin. "what's wrong?" Niall asked brushing my hair out of my face "just some stuff but I'm fine." I mumbled wiping away the tears forming in my eyes "Ariel you can tell me what's wrong, I wont be mad." He replied looking at me "It's honestly nothing, just some people I used to know have been saying some things since I've been back.." I sighed "Are you sure that's all? Nothing else that maybe bothering you?" I shook my head and kept quiet again listening to the sound of Nialls heart beat.
I wanted to tell him everything that was going through my head but everything I wanted to say just wouldn't come out of my mouth,"I'm gonna go get us something to eat I'll be back soon." Niall smiled rolling out of bed "Alright, I'll be here waiting I guess." I replied waiting for Niall to leave before getting up and making my way to the bathroom 'You're disgusting, No one will ever love you!' the voices in my head continued to taunt me while I fixed myself in the mirror 'Just a matter of time before he sees the real you.' I wanted to punch something, the mirror anything, I was becoming a monster. 'Your mother was right you know...' I screamed and slowly slid down the back of the bathroom door crying, knowing my past was always going to be there to haunt me, knowing I was never really going to be good enough for Niall or anyone.
* * * *
I think I passed out from all the crying or I may have taken one if not two of my sleeping pills a little too soon when I woke up I looked around my phone was buzzing indicating a new message
Blocked ID: 1:30pm who the hell could be trying to get a hold of me, it wasn't Niall he was still getting food, I hear you're back in town. well actually I didn't hear through the old rumor mill, I saw you downtown the other day why the fuck are you back? Stop trying to ruin my life you did a great job of that when we were together! Just leave.
I read the message again over and over in my head to find there was more ... and lose my brothers number, I want nothing to do with you nor do I want him hanging around with someone like you.
well at least I know how this dickhead got my number. Congratulations Ariel you are the number 1 most hated person on the planet. I just couldn't believe he had the nerve to do that, I wanted to kill myself right then and there I couldn't handle it moving back here to Nashville was supposed to be a good thing, it wasn't meant to make me feel like this at all.
I crawled over to the cabinet draw looking for my old friends, they were well hidden in the off chance someone was rummaging through the draws,and might come across them. I don't know why I felt the need to bring them with me when I moved but I did and today I'm glad I did.
I ran the bath filling it with hot water, I closed the door and got in turning my music up as loud as I possibly could. I got in the tub letting the hot burning sensation take over me.
Everything's not alright and I would rather... the music played, I took the blade swiping it across my skin two,three times before I realized the once clean water was being stained red "shit." I mumbled seeing how deep I'd gone in this time, but I didn't care once I started I felt like the weight of the world had been lifted off my shoulders. I took the blade again and swiped across again this time the blood trickled out faster and I knew I had gone too far.
I got out putting the towel around me while I looked for something to stop the bleeding, I headed out of the bathroom to go get the first aid kit when I began to feel light headed and fell to the ground in the middle of the living room and dining area.
* * * *
I arrived back to the apartment after getting Chinese for us I just wanted to get back to Ariel as soon as possible "Hey Babe I'm back" I called walking upstairs with the food to find she wasn't there that's weird I thought to myself and headed back downstairs to where I could hear music playing loudly "Babe!?!" I called out heading towards the dining room "Fuck ! Babe!" I shouted dropping the food running over to Ariels body laying in the middle of the floor.
I checked to see if she was still breathing and she was all fine "Ariel!!" I screamed shaking her
Fuck me, why did you do this to yourself??? I thought to myself patching up the cuts on her leg.
Picking her up she opened her eyes a little, muttering something as I put her arms around my neck I carried her up to the bedroom and put some underwear on her and one of my jerseys and tucked her in. "I love you.." I whispered kissing her forehead.
I wish she'd told me what was going on, I never want to see anything like that ever again. I headed down the stairs to clean up the mess and blood on the floor and turned her music off before jumping on the couch to watch the football.
and waited for her to wake up.
* * * *
I woke up in bed, the room was dark I couldn't see anything just a bit of light peaking through the door from the hallway, I looked down at my leg and saw it was cleaned and patched up, Niall must have done it, Standing up I was still about dizzy and now worried about what I was going to tell him, he's going to think I'm crazy person. I took a blade to my own skin what kind of person does that, just the thought of it made me tear up and my heart was racing.
I snuck down the stairs quietly and saw Niall out the corner of my eye sitting on the couch watching football "Ni.." I said softly walking up behind him. Niall muted the t.v and turned to face me "Thank you, If you weren't here I would have ended up in a different situation.." I said sitting up next to him, he said nothing I don't think he even looked at me "I'm sorry." I cried looking up at him bring my knees to my chest, avoiding his eyes I was too scared to see the judging look he was probably giving me.
"Sweetie." He started "Why?" he asked tears forming in his eyes. It was my fault, I caused them. I made him cry . "Don't beat yourself up." realizing I said it out loud I wanted to hide.
Nialls soft hands caressed both of my cheeks and he pulled me into his lap leaning down to give me a loving kiss, I lay back on his chest resting my head in the crook of his neck, tears still falling down my red cheeks "Why?" Niall asked again
"I don't know, I had, had enough of everything going on around me. I was hurting and I was too scared to talk to you about it. I was afraid you were going to think I was a freak. I am a freak. I understand if you don't want to be with someone as crazy as me." I choked Niall couldn't say anything he just bobbed his
"I'm not going to leave you, I want you know that ok. If I didn't think we were going anywhere we wouldn't be together. I want you to talk to me I will listen and I wont judge you." Niall said "I couldn't handle it I wasn't going to do it then something came up and I made a dickish move." I sobbed "What do you mean something came up?" he asked
"I may as well tell you... a couple of days ago. when we went for lunch and I took off to the bathroom, the lady who came up to you with the two little girls...was my mom." I started holding his hand "why didn't you stay and introduce us?" He asked "Because she isn't my mom anymore. She disowned me at age 16 and from 8 up she made my life a living hell, she made me feel unwanted and useless she made me think it was my fault my dad left us." I explained "Babe... I" Niall stuttered
"It's fine. the thing that set me off most was my ex he saw us around town and we didn't leave on good terms he's the reason people hate me. anyway he's been trying to get me out of town." I sighed
"What??!" Niall exclaimed "I've been trying to just ignore him but it doesn't help that I have voices telling me I'm not good enough.." I replied "I don't want you to feel like this again, okay I want you to talk to me. you should have told me because you shouldn't be feeling like that." He said kissing me "Okay I will tell you when something is wrong." I replied looking up into his eyes
"Good.." He smiled sitting up pulling me into his tight embrace placing kisses along my forearms on my faded scars making his way up to my lips "You are perfect to me. and I-I love you." Niall choked "I'm not..." I replied wrapping my arms around his waist lying back down on him.
♠ ♠ ♠
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