A Blessing or a Curse

Chapter Eleven: God’s Blessings

The next day as soon as the eight period bells rang dismissing me from school I made my way to the soccer field stopping for nothing. I sat in the bleachers by myself scrolling through tumblr alone waiting for the arrival of Damien.
My palms were sweaty and my stomach was tied in a knot. I couldn’t help but feel guilty about basically abandoning Damien. I mean I didn’t want to take things any further but I couldn’t help but pray he didn’t like me as much as he said he did. Hopefully this wouldn’t be a heart break for him or something.

We were never officially together, though we did act as if we were. We kissed, and held hands in the hall way and he’d walk me to class not caring if he’d be late or not. But we never discussed or announced a relationship status. We were just seeing each other I suppose. But now I had to end all of it. Break it off completely.

“Lolita?” Damien’s voice came from next me. I was too lost in my own thoughts and tumblr I hadn’t even realized he sat down next to me with his right knee bouncing like crazy.
“Hey Damien,” I presented a fake smile hoping I could pull it off. I’ve always been a good liar and the master at faking emotions. Hopefully my talent wouldn’t fail me now.
He leaned in to place a quick peck on my lips but without thinking I dodged my head out of the way avoiding contact with his lips. I instantly regretted it when I saw the hurt on his face.
We stayed silent for a moment and I just stared at my school uniform skirt and fingered the hem of it. “D-did I do something wrong Mary?”

I cringed at his use of my first name. “No…Damien I…” I debated whether or not I should tell him about my mate. He’d want to know who it is. He’d flip out if he knew he was rogue. I couldn’t tell Damien, the future beta of this pack. He wouldn’t take to it lightly. It’d be his job to report a rogue on our territory. I’d be punished as well. I should’ve spoken up the moment I met Carter but didn’t. Alpha Korlav wouldn’t take the lightly either.

Most importantly Carter might get hurt or forced to flee. And I wasn’t willing to let any of that happen. It’s not fair to him or me. I may have only officially met him once but I needed to protect him to the best of my ability. I would never forgive myself if I let something happen to my mate.
“I just…I don’t think us seeing each other so…romantically is such a good idea anymore.” I began my lie. “I have a lot going on right now. And you do too. I don’t think this is the smart thing to do.”
“Well love isn’t suppose to be smart.” He sighed. I felt my heart drop to my stomach when he said the word love. Love? We weren’t in love. I wasn’t in love with him at least. “I wanna be with you Lolita.”
I shook my head and began to chew on my bottom lip. “This isn’t going anywhere I mean. You’re going to college in September and I’ll only be a junior and we’ll be in totally different parts of our lives and we won’t see each other and-”
“We can make it work!” he insisted. “I know we can. Tons of couples have. We can too.”
I sighed and let my lower lip stick out in a pout. “Okay say we do continue this Damien. We fall madly and deeply in love with each other and everything seems perfect. We can make the whole long distance thing work. What happens when you find your mate? Or I find mine?” I paused and averted my eyes toward him. He looked away from me and down at the bleachers we were sitting on.

“One of us will end up with a broken heart. It won’t be fair. I’m thinking of both of us right now Damien.” I was surprised I came up with such a valid excuse. I mean it was partially true. I had already found my mate but as far as Damien knows I’m still looking.

“Well…what made you change your mind so quick?” he said at a volume I could barely hear. “About us…”
I just shrugged and pulled my lips upward, “I don’t know. I was just thinking I guess, and I wanted to spare us the future misery or heartbreak.” I started picking at my nails.
“But what if we never find our mates? It’s a big world you know. They could be in Zimbabwe for all we know.” He had a glint of hope in his eyes which crushed my heart completely.
I honestly did not expect him to like me this much at all. I felt terrible. I wish I could go back in time and stop this from ever even happening. He almost came off as sorta desperate. Almost.
“It’s a smaller world than you think Damien.” I said in an ominous tone.
He just furrowed his eyebrows together and eyed me suspiciously for a moment then letting out a defeated sigh. He looked down at his feet and then back at me. “If this is what you want then…”

I wrapped my arms around his neck and placed a peck on his cheek and let him pull me in closer as he wrapped his arms around my waist. “Everything happens for a reason Damien. There is a bright side to everything.”

I had missed my bus to talk to Damien at the soccer field so I had to walk home. I didn’t mind too much, the weather was gorgeous today and it wasn’t like I was in a bad town. The only thing that irritated me was the hot wool of my red socks and my white blouse that stuck to the sweat of my body. I regretted not wearing the much thinner red socks made for spring and summer. It made me even more grateful that Spring Break started today. Two full weeks of relaxing and no school sounded like Heaven. No uniform for two full weeks.

I had my backpack in one hand and my red cardigan in another as my feet slowly hit the pavement. I was lost in my own thoughts about Carter. I longed to see him again more than anything else in the world. I saw him just yesterday but my wolf and I wanted to see him so bad.
I was never a clingy person or even felt an attachment to another person, the person I’ve ever been closest too was Ashelle and my father, and even with them I needed my space. With Carter I never wanted to be away from him. I felt like a clingy little girl but I couldn’t help it.
When did I become like this? Why did I miss someone I seen not even 24 hours ago? I only met him once and he’s made such a huge impact on my life. I couldn’t help but hope he missed me too. He had too. I was his mate. I was his, he had to miss me. It was programmed in his brain to yearn for me and vice versa.

I couldn’t get his gorgeous face out of my head. His tousled, slightly spiked up black hair and his devilish smirk and that glow in his beautiful amber eyes. He was so painfully irresistible to me. His scar came into my mind. The long, pink diagonal line that started above his right eyebrow and ended under his left cheek that looked like it was painful. I wondered how he had gotten it.
I couldn’t help but let out a low growl and bare my teeth at the thought of someone touching my mate, hurting my mate. I knew it was mostly my animalistic side of me but I had a strong desire to rip apart anyone who’s ever hurt him. He wasn’t theirs to hurt. He was no one’s to hurt. Point blank period.

I tried to shake off my violent thoughts and make my wolf submit to human side so she wouldn’t take over. One thing about me is when I got angry I wasn’t angry. I was seething in absolute rage. Either I didn’t care or I was livid. Never a solid middle with me. I’d either detest something passionately or love something so much it could pass as an obsession. Either I was jumping in excitement, bouncing off walls or I was bored beyond belief. It was just the way I am. Not much I could do about it.
I didn’t mind though, most parts of my personality I liked. I was content with who I am and I didn’t have much of a desire to change. For anyone or anything. That made me wonder what Carter was like.

From what I gathered from our conversation yesterday he was closed-off, not too trusting. He wouldn’t answer my questions and kept his personal life just that. Personal. I could understand though, he recently met me. I didn’t expect to know his whole life story after a 10 minute conversation. Plus, that was a good thing in most cases. Many people who are blabber mouths are often find themselves betrayed or hurt. It’s better to keep certain things secret.
Another thing I came to conclusion about his personality is slightly possessive and territorial. Every wolf was though. I am, Ashelle is, Damien is, my parents were, and my older brother was, every wolf that has ever lived was. It was in our chemical balance, our DNA, it was instinct. The animal part of us. Of course some more than others but it just was. The wolf part of us gave us certain traits we can’t help, but you learn to live with it.

I couldn’t imagine how possessive Carter must be though. He was rogue. Rumor has it rogues were ruthless, cold-hearted, beast compared to pack wolves when it came to their mates. Many rogues destroyed and brutally murdered others over mates. The thought of Carter murdering someone sent a shiver up my spine.

Carter had been so kind and gentle with me. I couldn’t picture covered in blood. Someone else’s blood. I couldn’t imagine him killing someone. But he was wilder and much more dangerous than others. So he probably would and could. Or even worse has.

I let out a breath of relief when I finally made it to my destination of home. My aunt’s car was in the parking lot my uncle wasn’t. I just shrugged it off and entered the house. I heard a faint sob coming from the living room. Instantly I kicked off my school shoes and made my way to the living room.
There my aunt was sobbing with a cloth pressed to her left forearm blood gushing out of it. “Tante!” I gasped out my eyes bulging out of my head. “Qu'est-ce qui t'a fait ça?” I demanded asking what had harmed her.
“Where’s Oncle Phil?” I took the rag from her hand and led her to the kitchen and ran it over cold water and reapplied it to her wound.
“Richie.” She sobbed.
I felt my heart drop to my stomach and my face turned into a frown. This wasn’t the first time Richie had hurt my aunt, uncle or I. It wasn’t his fault, it was the schizophrenia. It was a disease I hated more than the rest. It was the reason my cousin could never live a normal life.'

“What happened?” my voice was below a sad whisper.
“He came back home like he always do. Everything is normal and I begin to make him déjeuner and as I was making it he was helping. Then he started mumbling to himself then he argued with himself. Then he started to scream. He said he saw rats all over the floor! Mais, there was no rat! None, he took a knife and started stabbing the floor and I tried to take it from him but he ended up cutting myself and his right foot. Your oncle says he needs seven stitches.” She frantically rushed the words out of her mouth and her deep French accent and misuse of certain words only made it harder to understand but I got the basic concept of what she said.

I stayed silent for a moment my eyes staring at the floor. I didn’t know what to say. Should I tell it’d be okay even thought it wouldn’t? Should I just lie like I always do?
“God bless him.” Was all I said and she let out a dry sob and walked out of the kitchen and up the stairs, most likely to her room.

My mother always said when you didn’t know how to comfort someone, if they believe in God, just say God bless them.

And maybe God would.
I knew a lot of people who needed God’s blessings right now.