Behind My Mask

The date had been pleasant; we talked about everything we had done over the past five years, filling each other in the smallest of details and anything else that passed our minds.
My story wasn't as exiting, with my uneventful life of leeching of my parents. He at least had gotten himself a job, made new friends, had adventures and a few embarrassing incidents. Where as I was my boring old self; not gaining any new friends, apart from a few people who bothered to make the effort.

I never tried getting new friends, as I knew I wouldn't be able to find friends as close as them; I was an anti social person as it was, and I didn't try to change that. I was okay with being anti social, it meant that I would only make friends that lasted, since they would be the ones making an effort. I would try if I thought it was worth it; at least I knew then that the friends I gain would know how I operate, and they wouldn't have any expectations from me.

"You know, I never got over you. No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't get together with anyone else" He told me while holding unbreakable eye contact; the lights were reflecting perfectly off his eyes. The dark brown was lit up and the usually hidden pupil was visible. The iris had unnatural colors swirling around; It looked truly magical.

I had the same urge as I did that night five years ago, and I didn't stop it; knowing how Vic felt towards me stirred different feelings inside me; liking him, no longer made me feel disgusted at myself. I felt fine, or better yet, good about it. I felt happy while with him, and I was glad to know that he thought the same, no matter how bizarre it sounds to me that someone can like me for who I am.

We were already sitting side by side, facing each other, so all I had to do was lean in to close that small gap to satisfy my ever undying urge.
The pulse of my strongly beating heart had traveled up to my head, shutting out all other thoughts that didn't involve Vic.
This time the kiss was more special; it felt so right, and the nagging feeling I felt last time had died out. It was a moment of bliss that I would forever savor.

But it didn't go further than that; neither of us were ready to fully indulge in each other, we were too scared to break that bond we shared; it is a strong bond, but at the same time it can be oh so easily broken. We were scared to take it too far this early in our relationship. Even if it had been five years, it was still too early; we were like strangers, learning about each other from start.

We had left the park when the sun had completely set; we had watched it disappearing in to the horizon, we watched the different colors that the sun had painted on its leaving, until it was fully gone along with it's paint.

While walking back home our hands were laced together; held securely by our fingers. A light, enjoyable silence had set around us. It had let us to our thoughts about each other, increasing the already growing affection towards the other.

We didn't need to ask if we were together, because the feelings there were strong; so strong that we both clearly felt it, and if anyone ever asked if we were together we would say ''yes'' in union. Never in my life would I ever think that I will have such strong feelings towards anyone; it was something I have never felt before. It felt that if this person were to ever disappear from my life, my whole existence would be meaningless; I would have nothing to live for.

My happiest memories lie with Vic, and he may not know it, but my heart and home is where he is. My entire being functions only for him, it only works under his command; if he told me to kill myself I was sure I would do it without hesitation.
It was scary how I devoted my entire self to him; if anyone asked me if soul mates exist, I would say yes without a doubt, I believe that Vic is my soul mate. I believe that our fates are tied together and no matter how hard we tried we wouldn't be able to brake away from each other. If anyone would try to tear us apart, their efforts would be in vain. Nothing but death would tear us apart, but I doubt that not even death is able to stand in our way.

--

We had been together for a month now; we spent each passing day in each other's presence. We respected the privacy we would need once in a while, but it was obvious that we both couldn't get enough of each other.
It was a one month anniversary, and Vic insisted on celebrating it; he took me to the exact spot where he did that first night. It was almost exactly the same, but this time he had gotten me a gift; it was a plain bracelet, but it didn't have to have anything special on it, since the meaning behind it is much stronger. It was like an unsaid promise that we both shared; that we wouldn't leave each other no matter what the reason.

That night was the first time we spent together; we shared some kisses, but we didn't go further than that. We simply lied in each other's embrace, listening to the steady breathing.
I had my head resting on Vic's chest, while his arms were circled around me; it created an invisible barrier against the world, I felt that nothing could penetrate that barrier, I felt completely safe.
I listened to his heart beating in union to mine; we didn't need to go out of our way to feel one, only being with each other this close made us feel complete, completely content with life.

--

The next morning I went home; Vic had to go to work, and as much as he wanted to spend the rest of the day with me, he had to go.
Not even a couple of seconds after I had gotten home, my mum had called me to join her for breakfast. It was odd; we never spent breakfast together, especially not with the whole family, but that was exactly why I listened to her.
Then again, I couldn't call it the entire family; my siblings had left for university, one had already graduated, but they all had moved out none the less, and they only visited for special occasions.
My dad was never home; he was always at work, and so was my mum, but lately she has been taking more time off work, trying to spend time with me. Lately she has been the whole family to me.

Her raw looking eyes indicated that she had been crying, there was no hiding it. She smiled at me sadly while I ate what she had set out; I grew more anxious by the second, why was she doing this?

"Honey, I know this is not going to be easy for you to take in" she sighed looking down for a second while in thought, but her eyes quickly met mine again.
"It's not easy for me to say this either, but..." there was another silence; I wanted to shout at her to get it out, to stop me from worrying this much; I already felt my insides twisting and turning, whatever she had to say, I knew it was not going to be good news. It only made it more torturous when she was taking so long to spit it out.

"I have been diagnosed with Terminal Cancer, and I only have four months to live" the words she said were quick stabs to my heart. I know I don't have a good relationship with my mother, but that is only because she was never there, she had never been there for me when I really needed her.

"So you are finally going to leave me completely?! You know, you were never there for me. All these years when I really needed you, where were you?! And now you decide to completely get out of my life?! Well, good for you I guess, you will never have to see my face again, and I will have the pleasure to never see your face again either!"

The anger I had bottled up had reached it's limits; I couldn't contain it any longer, I needed to release it. She had deceived me with her kindness; I always knew that one day she would completely leave me. Her kindness was far too exaggerated to be real; I should have seen it sooner.

I was too engrossed in my own feelings to notice how hurt she was; I had caused her to cry again, but she didn't make a big fuss of it. She was crying silently to herself as she watched me; she watched me violently hitting the wall several times. She watched my pain filled tears hit the gray kitchen tiles. She watched me leave the house, and slam the doors behind me as powerfully as my, now emotionally weak body, could manage.

I headed for the only place I felt happy at while Vic wasn't there; I headed for the park, for our special place.