Behind My Mask

While Vic was away at work I tried to make myself busy. I didn't want to bother him every single day, clinging to him like a piece of fluff that is almost impossible to get rid of. Most of the days I would go on a walk, sing to myself, draw something, cook something; anything I could set my mind on.

Some days, when my mind would refuse to cooperate, I would simply go to the park; I had found a willow that I would always sit next to. It's leaves and branches would shelter me from reality; it would let me feel a sense of solitary comfort and forget about the rest of the world. The gentle sweeping of it's veil would lull me into a daze, where I would fantasize about things I would be unable to while in presence of other people.

I sometimes felt that it was whispering to me; telling me how lonely and hollow it felt. It had lived for so many years, and seen so many people come and go, no one staying longer than for a day, only admiring its beauty for a couple of minutes, if not less.
I would sometimes quietly talk to it, spilling my deepest secrets that I couldn't bring myself to talk about to anyone else. I felt that it wouldn't judge me, just listen. It gave me a sense of security, it couldn't hurt me with harsh words.

Vic had informed me that he was taking a week off from work, and in that week we can do, or go wherever we want. He had suggested Ice skating, though I was a bit skeptical. I have only been once before about 10 years ago, and in that one time I managed to fall over every 2 minutes; it wasn't the best memory to say the least. But I had agreed none the less.

For the first couple of minutes on ice I had struggled greatly; I fell over twice, and when Vic tried to help me balance myself, I dragged him down with me. Somewhere along the way I had gotten better, and I could at least prevent myself from falling for most of the time. I enjoyed myself a lot more than I had imagined, maybe it was because I was trying something supposedly new, or maybe it was just the fact that I was spending time with the person I love.

He had taken me to dinner afterwards, he said he would pay but I insisted that we would share the bill, we nearly broke into an argument since we both were so stubborn, but he was forced into going along with my plan. I could always win an argument if I really set my mind to it.

It was late when we decided to return home; we had spent a much longer time in the cafe than intended to, and I ended up falling asleep in the car. Once I awoke I was laying next to him, just where I belonged; the curtains were open, which I found odd because they were always closed.
The warmth of the sunlight filled the room and increased my relaxed state; I was in a daze while watching the dust dance in the light.

"What do you want to do today?" A lazy murmur distracted me from my thoughts; I hadn't even realized he was awake, or that he was actually talking to me for the first couple of seconds.
I thought for a moment, while listening to his slow heart beat, and feeling his chest heave while shallow breaths were taken. I could even be in hell with him and still be happy, I could stay in bed for the rest of the day and not move an inch while he is next to me.

"Don't know"

"I heard that one of those traveling amusement parks have come near us"

"Aren't those really shit though?"

"You never know, it could be really fun"

Going there was a waste of money, but it was still fun. We tried out nearly every ride, including the ones intended for small children; people had looked at us weirdly, and some children even looked afraid of us, but that's what you'd expect when you try to mount a bike that is three times smaller, and make horrified faces while going on the slowest ride possible.

Like in every movie he bought me candy floss, and took me on the Ferris wheel to finish off our trip there. While up at the top we shared a sweet kiss that tasted of candy floss, but being in a public place prevented us from going any further than that.

"Can I ask you why you're doing this? Have I forgotten our anniversary or something?"
"Well, I know that it's your birthday in a few days, and instead of doing a day, I decided to do a week"

Truth be told I had completely forgotten about my birthday. I wouldn't normally celebrate it seeing as I have no one to celebrate with, apart from my family, and even then it wasn't much of a party. I would get the presents, the food, the attention, but I would never be able to find joy in celebrating one day every year that determined I was one year older.

"Where did you find out when my birthday was?"
"I asked your mum a while back"

The rest of the day we spent in the park in our usual spot; we had watched countless sunsets and shared many happy memories there. I would almost always have Vic sitting behind me; he would have his legs around me and his arms hugging me, and I would always lean back in him, slouching, and every time thinking how lucky I am to have him.

What had made us get up was a thunderstorm threatening to soak us to the bone. Seeing the light flash followed by the loud thundering had made my breath hitch; I wasn't afraid of these things, not anymore, it was just the loud noises that startled me.
I clung to Vic's arm as he squeezed my had reassuringly; he never asked any questions if not necessary , and I appreciated that greatly. He never seemed to judge, and always gave me the space I needed. He always seemed to know the right thing to say and do, and he was always there for me no matter how ridiculous my reason might be.

When it was my actual birthday he had thrown a surprise party; throughout the day he would take me to some places he thought I hadn't been to before, and he refused to let me go home, but halfway through the day he took me home, and I swear I nearly had a heart attack when about six people screamed 'surprise'.
Matty had also been there, and it was the first time since I returned that I had seen him.

We had a small, family like celebration for about an hour or so. They had bought me a cake and they had managed to put exactly twenty one candles on it; it had covered the entire surface of it, and it took several attempts to blow all of the candles out. They had all handed me their presents, and waited eagerly for me to open them; I felt slightly uncomfortable with them watching me while I looked at everything they got me, since I didn't really know how to react, I was afraid that I might offend someone.

Some time later Tony had asked me if I wanted to invite any more people. I had agreed and said that it could be held in my house, no one would be there seeing as my siblings don't even live there anymore and my dad was off on another business trip.

Everyone had chipped in on bringing booze and party food, and they all texted people they knew. I said that I didn't care who would come and I didn't set any limits on how many people were aloud to come. My house was big enough to hold about 100 people if you really tried, maybe more.

The house was quickly flooded with some people who I recognized, but many I had never seen before in my life. In no time many were drunk, and some even arrived drunk. I myself didn't participate much in the drinking; I did take some shots but I mainly engrossed myself in the food. I didn't want to wake up the next day with a pounding headache. I knew the feeling perfectly well to not want to experience it again.

Vic didn't seem to be thinking the same thing, and neither did Tony, Mike or Jaime. They looked like they were having the time of their lives; if only they knew how ridiculous they looked. I was already plotting what I was going to do to them when they passed out.

Around 4 am people started flooding out of my house, leaving behind a mess that would leave someone thinking a tornado passed through, I was just glad that I hadn't found anything broken yet. Vic, Tony, Mike and Jaime were all sleeping in the living room in some odd positions.

Vic was laying upside down on the sofa, with one of his legs hanging off the arm rest. Jaime was sprawled on the carpet while hugging an empty vodka bottle, and Tony and Mike were laying on top of each other; their limbs were tangled so it was actually hard to determine who was laying on top of who.

I held a sharpie in my hand, going to each and every one of them, doodling whatever came to mind; I had made Mike look somewhat like Hitler, and a fancy mustache was on Vic, not to mention a ring around his eye.
I couldn't determine what exactly to draw on Jaime or Tony, so I just scribbled some random lines and hoped for the best.