Big Black Car

“I am okay. I am okay. I am okay.”

Annik repeated these words over and over again as she looked out of the large windows of Adam’s living room. She was wearing what she assumed was one of his long-sleeve t-shirts and a pair of navy pajama pants.

She hugged her knees to her chest, trying not to fall apart again. Adam was asleep. After she woke up in his arms in the bathroom, he had found her some clothes to wear for the time being. While she had been changing, Adam had lied down on his bed and fallen asleep. She decided he deserved it.

Annik had made her way to the kitchen, pouring herself a glass of water and settling in front of the window. It was cloudy and overcast, extremely rare weather for LA, the TV said.

Her brain was having a difficult time processing. She felt hollow, a kind of emptiness inside her. She was supposed to be feeling something right now right? She was supposed to be responding to this in some predictable way. Annik tried to recall some movie that told her how to deal with rape.

Rape. The word sounded too common; she had heard it many times, but never as something pertaining to her.

“I guess that’s what I am now,” she thought to herself, clutching the glass. “A rape victim.”
She needed to call someone. It was Sunday. It was hard to think that last week she had been having the time of her life, getting to work with people in LA, making lots of new friends. Now, she was stuck in this mess.

Her best friend Katie had gotten her this internship because she was the missions director of the non-profit. She had been so excited to see Katie again. They had grown up together outside of Nashville, Tennessee. They went to the same church and school and told each other everything.

Everything.

Annik shuddered at having to recount this story to her best friend, or to anyone really.

Exhaling loudly, she got up and found Adam’s phone; he had said she could use it whenever.

Annik dialed the familiar number and waited for Katie to pick up.

It took less than one ring.

“Hello?” a slightly breathless voice asked.

“Katie… it’s me,” Annik said hesitantly.

“Oh my god, Annik! I was so worried about you. Where the heck have you been? I called your phone like a hundred times,” Katie’s panicked words flooded into the phone. “I was afraid something had happened to you.”

Annik was silent. What was the best way to say you had been assaulted?

“You still there? Where are you?”

"I've been staying with my cousin, the one I told you about." The lie felt foreign on her tongue.

Katie sighed, "Oh, did you say you had a cousin in LA? I've been so busy with getting this day camp together that I must've forgotten."

It was a mark of how far they had grown apart since high school. Old Katie would have never accepted such a bad lie. She would have known instantly that something was up.

Annik choked back a sob. Was it possible she could hide forever?

She couldn't bring herself to tell her friend the truth. She could barely face it herself.

"An, you still there?"

"Listen, I've been really sick," Annik said, trying to make her voice sound weak. "I went to the doctor, and I think I have the flu."

Another lie.

"Gosh, you sound awful. I'm sorry, Hun. Take the week off, we have enough interns to cover for you," Katie said, her voice sincere.

Relief flooded through her. "Thanks, Kat, you're the best."

"Shoo, girl. I know. Feel better, I don't want you to miss all that LA has to offer!"

The irony of that statement wasn't lost on her.

"Love you,"Annik said. But Katie had already hung up.

"Boyfriend?" A voice behind her asked with a smile. Annik spun around, a hand on her quickly beating heart. Adam saw the expression on her face and his smile quickly dropped. "God, I'm sorry. Totally didn't mean to scare you."

Annik took a deep breath and gave him a small smile. "No, no. It's fine. Just startled me is all. And no, I don't have a boyfriend."

Adam raised his eyebrows at her. "That's a surprise."

"Why?"

"You're beautiful," Adam cocked a grin at her.

"You use that line with all the girls." It wasn't a question.

"Only when it's true." Annik blushed despite herself.

A grin still on his face, Adam began pouring himself some coffee. He poured a second one for her and held it out.

She took the coffee hastily, anything to avoid talking about the elephant in the room. Then she gulped a large amount and grimaced.

"It's terrible, isn't it?" Adam asked, his face scrunched up in disgust. “Forget the coffee. Let’s order pizza.”
______________________________________________________________________________

“There is no way ‘Keeping up with the Kardashians’ is your favorite TV show,” Adam laughed after Annik admitted her weakness during post-pizza bliss. “I’m not sure we can be friends.”

Annik grabbed the nearest pillow and smacked him in the face with it. “I can’t help it that I like to watch people be super dramatic.”

“Oh it’s on,” Adam said seriously, glaring at her. He grabbed the feather pillow next to him and aimed at Annik’s head. Soon the two were full on battling, complete with each one behind a couch storing up pillow ammo.

“Okay. On the count of three, we both emerge for a final showdown,” Annik panted, breathing heavily.

“1…2…3!”

They sprang from behind with four pillows a piece, each whacking each other as hard as they could. They fell to the floor laughing as Adam trapped Annik’s arms, leaving her helpless to do anything but surrender.

Annik couldn’t breathe she was laughing so hard. “Alright…alright! I surrender!” As she went limp on the floor, Adam noticed the deep purple bruises where her shirt had ridden up. He suddenly realized his position and let go of her wrists suddenly as if he had been burned, crawling back toward the couch.

Annik stopped laughing, seeing his reaction. She quickly pulled down her shirt to cover the marks. It seemed the time to talk had come.

“God, Annik, I’m sorry I keep doing things… I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable or anything.”

“No, Adam, you didn’t. It’s fine. We probably do need to talk though.”

Adam relaxed a little, nodding his head in agreement.

“First, I wanted to thank you for finding me and taking me to the hospital. You didn’t have to do that and I really…I can’t express how grateful I will be for the rest of my life. I would have died if not for you.”

Adam opened his mouth to say something in protest, but Annik kept talking.

“But why haven’t you kicked me out? Why are you being so nice? Isn’t this weird for you to have some complete stranger in your house eating your food, drinking your coffee? You don’t know anything about me.” Why did you save me?

Adam wanted to tell her how she looked when he came on the scene, limp, helpless, like death. He wanted to tell her how he was going to leave Hollywood forever that night. He was going to leave everything behind. Leave the world behind. He wanted to tell her that him saving her had also been her saving him.

“Annik, this is hard for me to explain…I’m just as unsure about this whole situation as you are,” Adam began, trying to find the right words. “But I feel responsible for you and…I want to be here for you. I can’t explain why. Just that if you need me, I am here.”

Annik willed the tears in her eyes to go back into her body, but they slipped down her cheeks anyway.

“I’m not used to feeling so helpless and guilty and hurt,” Annik whispered, her arms wrapping around her knees.

Adam got to his feet and stretched out his hand to her.

“I’ll show you what I do when I feel hurt.”