Kissing Death

Late Afternoon - Sunset

A couple of days have passed on the farm. The hours have slipped through my fingers. Plenty of strange things have happened.

Daryl injured himself while he was on another search for Sophia. He’s extremely persistent about finding her. Despite how much I doubted him before, I think I may have been mistaken about who he is.

On top of his injuries, Andrea shot him while he walked out of the woods, mistaking him for a walker. Luckily, she just grazed him. I honestly think that Andrea’s a pretentious idiot. That’s all I have to say.

There was an issue with one of the Greene family’s wells. There was this absolutely disgusting, bloated walker in the water. They tried to take it out, but its body tore in two. I’m so glad I watched it happen from a distance.

Jason and I have been talking again. He hasn’t apologized for what happened at the old camp yet, but I know he really is sorry. We kissed for the first time in weeks. But I still wonder if I’m trying to mend the distance between us because I actually want to forget Rick and all feelings I have for him.

There’s something up with Lori and Glenn today. They seem suspicious. After Glenn and Maggie went for a supplies run, Maggie was furious about something. But I’m not going to let that situation bother me. It’s none of my business.

Since I have nothing to do at the moment, I’ve decided to profile each of the people in our group and the residents of the farmhouse. This will take up my entire night.

I haven’t gone around asking everyone for their birth dates and sitting them down for an interview, because I realize that none of them are exactly comfortable with that.

Profiles:

Our camp:

Jason Cooper
Age: 28
Physical attributes: 6’2; around 230 lbs; muscular build; blond hair; green eyes
Jason’s personality: Well, to begin with, he’s most certainly aggressive. He’s silent, but is often willing to speak his mind. He’s very confident and would prefer to be a leader. He can be extremely rude at times, but also sympathetic. His personality is either at one end of the spectrum or the other.
Jason’s relationship with me: We may be married, but our relationship is not very healthy. When we first met, I was convinced that he was sent from heaven. Once we tied the knot, I’ve seen his true colors. He’s always been overprotective of me--even before the outbreak. He physically harms me from time to time, but always tries to find ways to make it up to me.

Rick Grimes
Age: 36
Physical attributes: 5’10; around 180 lbs; athletic/lean build; brown hair; blue eyes
Rick’s personality: Rick is a leader by heart. I’m assuming this trait was developed from his role as King County’s deputy. He really knows how to construct a plan and make difficult decisions on behalf of everyone around him. He tends to be sympathetic, serious, and loving. Rick is very responsible, but sometimes loses his way.
Rick’s relationship with me: It’s already been stated that Rick and I have been sexually involved with each other, even before the outbreak. Despite the fact that I may be in love with him, I know he most likely doesn’t feel the same for me. I considered myself his stress reliever. I know he still wants to bring me closer to him, but I don’t believe he realizes that, with how close-knit our group is required to be, he can’t do that. The way life was before the outbreak would have been easier for him and I to get away with our affair. I believe that he wishes he could turn back time.

Theodore Douglas (a.k.a. T-Dog)
Age: Mid-30’s
Physical attributes: 5’10; around 260 lbs; burly build; brown eyes
T-Dog’s personality: T-Dog is definitely a by-stander, like me. He appears to be very serious, but once you’ve become closer to him, he’s the most hilarious guy. He’s definitely hard-working and loves to keep himself busy. I’m sure he dealt with plenty of loss when the outbreak first started and he keeps himself busy to distract himself from the painful memories.
T-Dog’s relationship with me: He’s admitted to wishing he could be with someone like me, but I know he means that he wishes he could actually be with me. I really respect how he feels, though I cannot fulfill his wishes and he knows that. Despite how much I would like to believe I have feelings for him, he’s more of a brother to me. It might be denial at the moment, because T-Dog is the type of man I’d always wanted to marry--the type of man I thought Jason would turn out to be.

Lori Grimes
Age: Mid-30’s
Physical attributes: 5’9; around 130 lbs; skinny/slender figure; brown hair; brown eyes
Lori’s personality: Lori is a mother by heart and a strong wife. She may appear--



Nighttime

My mistakes are piling up again. I thought I was making progress. This is the second time Rick has interrupted my journal writing. He approached me with a very stern, “I need to talk to you.”

It was nightfall by the time he approached me and I’d been sitting by a lantern, underneath a tree. I looked around to see that everyone was going about their business, so I followed him.

We walked for a few minutes, until we reached the woods. I kept looking behind me as we walked away. No one was on top of the RV, taking watch, meaning that everyone was beginning to have dinner. When Rick noticed my paranoia, he said, “Don’t worry about it. They’re not going to see us.”

I asked him why he was walking us out so far. He didn’t respond.

When we reached the woods, hidden away by darkness, he kept his back to me and stared at the ground.

“What is it?” I asked. “What’s wrong?”

“Lori’s pregnant.”

The silence between us lasted longer than both of us had wanted. Millions of thoughts ran through my head. I didn’t know whether to tell him that Lori’s pregnancy was a great thing or that it was awful.

“I don’t know what to say.” I admitted.

Rick’s eyes were still glued to the ground and I took a few steps towards him.

“She slept with Shane.” Each word he said was like a self-inflicted dagger to his heart. “She thought I was dead. Everyone thought I was dead. So, they moved on.”

My hands came to his shoulders. “I never moved on, Rick.”

“It’s his baby. I know it is.”

I shook him and turned him around. “Listen to me, Rick. It doesn’t matter--”

“It does matter!” he shouted.

I stepped back in fear, watching his gaze pierce right through me.

He looked away and I saw tears streaming down his face, illuminated by the moonlight. I pulled him into my arms and his forehead came to my shoulder. He sobbed for several minutes and I rubbed his back, trying my best to sooth him.

“Everything’s going to be fine, Rick.”

His arms were tight around my waist and my shoulder was damp. He lifted his head and I immediately wiped the tears from his face.

I caressed his rough jawline with a single finger. “If you can lead a group of thirteen people through this world of shit, you can handle anything--even a baby... No matter what the circumstances are, that baby is yours.”

“I love you,” he said.

“Rick...”

“I love you, Emily.”

I don’t know what part of my mind led me to abruptly kiss him, but he carried on with the rest. Before I knew it, I was lying naked in the dirt, feeling Rick’s hot breath upon my neck.

I realize now that I needed Rick. In fact, I always will need him.