Time Bomb
Friday, May 9th, 2008 : 2 : 49 PM
Dear Eddie.
Today I'm sitting in here in art, skipping my next class, which is weights. I hate that class; the girls are bitches and the guys are loud dicks. I'm alone right now and I love it. I can be as late as I want too. It's amazing freedom.
So...I don't know where to start with everything. Let's just say this: I've been having problems with Brian. Not my average problems of him disliking me, now it's the other way around. I met this guy named Zack. He's kind of goofy, a little chubby, but extremely intelligent. I can talk about the things that matter with him, mainly being politics. Brian and I can't do that. Though we relate musically, on all other levels things aren't the same. I still tell him I love him and crap, and I think I do, but I'm falling for Zack and it hurts. Especially since he's dating someone who hates me as well, though we're almost the same person. We both have jealousy issues and weight issues. I've gotten better.
So I don't know what to do with Brian. We had mad animal sex yesterday that lasted longer than ever, but I didn't feel anything other than lust. I hope this goes away for me like it did for him.
On the plus side, I visited a psychiatrist on Tuesday, and talked to her for a long time. It was strange being asked about my substance abuse in front of my mom. I anwsered dishonestly for a while until my mom left, than spilled the beans. She diagnosed me as being biopolar, which I knew I was all along, and gave me some meds. So far, they're working wonders. I don't have horrible moods swings, I don't worry as much. It makes everything much easier.
To equal out the good, I have some more bad(ish) news. Tonight I meet Raggdoll, the band I'm praying to join. I'm so nervous that they won't like me. It's killing me. They're kind of gothic metal, which I wouldn't mind playing. I'd probably love it. But I don't know how well I'll fit in. I know I'm a metal head, I am severely. But I don't always dress like it. I don't wear those huge black pants and tons of make-up. I dress kind of dark, but not that dark. I guess I just hope that they don't judge by appearances...or the fact that I'm a girl. Ugh, I'm just nervous.
I'll write more when I get home.
Love,
Taylor
Today I'm sitting in here in art, skipping my next class, which is weights. I hate that class; the girls are bitches and the guys are loud dicks. I'm alone right now and I love it. I can be as late as I want too. It's amazing freedom.
So...I don't know where to start with everything. Let's just say this: I've been having problems with Brian. Not my average problems of him disliking me, now it's the other way around. I met this guy named Zack. He's kind of goofy, a little chubby, but extremely intelligent. I can talk about the things that matter with him, mainly being politics. Brian and I can't do that. Though we relate musically, on all other levels things aren't the same. I still tell him I love him and crap, and I think I do, but I'm falling for Zack and it hurts. Especially since he's dating someone who hates me as well, though we're almost the same person. We both have jealousy issues and weight issues. I've gotten better.
So I don't know what to do with Brian. We had mad animal sex yesterday that lasted longer than ever, but I didn't feel anything other than lust. I hope this goes away for me like it did for him.
On the plus side, I visited a psychiatrist on Tuesday, and talked to her for a long time. It was strange being asked about my substance abuse in front of my mom. I anwsered dishonestly for a while until my mom left, than spilled the beans. She diagnosed me as being biopolar, which I knew I was all along, and gave me some meds. So far, they're working wonders. I don't have horrible moods swings, I don't worry as much. It makes everything much easier.
To equal out the good, I have some more bad(ish) news. Tonight I meet Raggdoll, the band I'm praying to join. I'm so nervous that they won't like me. It's killing me. They're kind of gothic metal, which I wouldn't mind playing. I'd probably love it. But I don't know how well I'll fit in. I know I'm a metal head, I am severely. But I don't always dress like it. I don't wear those huge black pants and tons of make-up. I dress kind of dark, but not that dark. I guess I just hope that they don't judge by appearances...or the fact that I'm a girl. Ugh, I'm just nervous.
I'll write more when I get home.
Love,
Taylor