Redefine Me, Redesign Me

Ellie avoids coming home as much as possible. She lives in her hometown, but she does everything in her power to avoid her childhood home. If you didn't feel welcome in a place that you could once call home you would probably avoid it too.

Unfortunately she can't always get out of every family dinner… as much as she would love to. A family dinner is what brings her to her parents' house tonight. As much as she had dreaded it all day she had not felt as sour about it as she did as she avoided glancing out her car window at the house before her parents. She promised herself she wouldn't look.

Of course, Ellie was never very good at keeping her own promises even if they were to herself, so naturally she looked just before the house was out of sight. She regretted it instantly like she always does. The house had once been a grand manor that her grandparents had lived in. She hadn't stepped foot in it since her Grams passed away. She usually took the longer alternate route to come here but unfortunately there was road work preventing her from doing so this time around.

The white paint was pealing from the wooden exterior and a shutter was hanging off at a strange angle on the second floor. Ellie was sure that the front of the house looked worse; it always seemed to be falling apart in more advanced ways every time she saw it. Over all the house just looked dirty and it broke Ellie's heart to see it in such a shape. Her Grams would have hated to see it like this.

She shook the thought from her head as she turned down her parents' unreasonably long driveway. She didn't want to show up a mess only to have her mom fuss about not looking presentable. Of course her mom had never been one to be very sympathetic especially when it came to Ellie.

She eventually made it to the house at the end of the driveway and let out a deep breath that she hadn't been aware that she'd been holding. Tonight she was going to have to tell her family that by this time tomorrow she wouldn't be in town… she wouldn't be back at all if she could help it. Her Grams had always told her that she needed to get away. Grams knew that Ellie didn't belong in a small town no matter how much she loved it. Ellie needed to be away from her mom and on her own for once in her life.

Ellie flipped down her mirror and checked her minimal makeup to make sure nothing was smudged. The last thing she needed was to have her mom tell her that she looked a mess while she was trying to explain that she wouldn't be living in this town anymore.

She found her cold piercing blue eyes staring back at her. She hated her eyes. Everyone always told her that her eyes were beautiful but she couldn't get over how lifeless they seemed to her. They were her mom's eyes and she didn't think she could ever actually like them no matter how wonderfully they contrasted with her dark brown hair.

She frowned flipping the mirror back into place and getting out of the car she had to get this over with eventually anyway.

She quickly made her way up the stone path and to the front door pushing it open and walking inside.

"You could have knocked Arielle," her mom, Kathleen, scolded appearing at the end of the hall in the kitchen doorway.

"Sorry mom, not like I'm your daughter or anything," Ellie muttered rolling my eyes at how unwelcoming she could be. She ignored the fact that she had used her real name though her mom and older sister seemed to be the only ones who hadn't caught on that she preferred Ellie.

"Is that my Ellie I hear?" her dad, Daniel, called from the living room where the aging family dog, Milo, was coming from happily bouncing down the hall to Ellie's side her dad close behind.

"Hey Daddy," she greeted him smiling brightly as she patted Milo's head. She hadn’t expected her dad to be home, he was usually so caught up in his work that he didn’t have time for the weekly dinner’s that Kathleen put together, not that he didn’t have time for his children; he was always there for the important things.

Daniel wrapped his arms around his daughter's tiny frame easily and commented on how she needed to thicken up before the wind swept her away. Ellie chuckled at her dad's comment; he'd been telling her that since she was three, or at least as far back as she could remember.

"I’m not the first one here am I?" Ellie asked as she pulled away from Daniel giving him a curious look.

"Mallory is up stairs," Kathleen called from the kitchen obviously not caring to stick around for hugs and chitchat, but that suited Ellie just fine.

“Be a dear and go get your sister,” Daniel suggested leading Milo back to the living room where there was no doubt some sports show playing. When Daniel had a rare day off he liked to fill it with mindless things on TV.

Ellie nodded heading for the stairs and taking them two at a time. While she saw her younger sister often, such as their lunch date yesterday, she still got excited to see her. She ran straight into the first door on her left barging into the room without knocking and flinging herself onto Mallory’s bed.

“You’re early,” Mallory commented from her plush chair in the corner of the room as she flipped through a magazine.

“It was either be early or get fussed at for being late,” Ellie mumbled into the comforter, “Dad sent me to get you.”

“Do you need me to change my shirt?” Mallory asked meaning to ask if Ellie needed a second to breathe before going back down to their parents. Ellie had already told Mallory about her plans to leave this town. She had even helped Ellie pack up most of her things.

“Nah I can handle it,” Ellie said pushing herself up and sliding off the bed.

“Marianne should be here by now,” Mallory pointed out, “which means so are Sophie and Cam.”

Ellie had to admit that while despite her distaste for their older sister she was very excited to see their niece and nephew. And with that she followed Mallory back downstairs.
Sure enough as soon Ellie had gotten one foot off the stairs and onto the first floor hardwood the pattering of tiny feet came from down the hall.

“Auntie Ari!” Sophie’s shrill voice called as she collided with Ellie’s legs. Sophie had taken to shortening Arielle in a different way, Ellie suspected that it was because Marianne always called her Arielle.

Cam was wrapping himself around Mallory’s legs in much the same fashion only minus the shouting.
While Cam was certainly old enough to talk and could carry on a conversation when he felt inclined he usually just stayed quiet choosing to take everything in instead of contributing.

Ellie and Mallory bent over picking up both of the children hugging them tightly as they carried them to the living room where they found everyone else.

The Emmanuel family living room was a stiff place to be, or it was tonight anyway. Usually Daniel, Mallory, and Ellie would all joke around occasionally coaxing George, Marianne’s husband, to join in. tonight Ellie was a little too focused on the news that she would be sharing, finding it hard to join the banter that was being exchanged between her dad and sister.

Soon the timer from the kitchen was sounding that the food was ready and Kathleen insisted that everyone go to the dining room.

“So, Ellie,” Daniel said trying to call his daughter from her wandering thoughts, “what’s new?”

Ellie wanted to groan, she had been trying to find a way to bring up what she needed to and of course he dad would give her the perfect way to when she wasn’t ready. She cleared her throat buying herself some more time.

“Actually, I have some news,” she said looking around the table and avoiding her mom’s eyes, “I’m moving to Maryland.”

And that is how she got her own mom to glare at her as if she were some sort of scum. That was how she made her niece cry. That is how she made her dad give her a look of disappointment for the first time.

“Would you like to explain, Arielle?” her mom asked pressing her lips into a thin disapproving line.

“Sycamore isn’t where I need to be,” Ellie said, “I know this just as well as you do, and it’s about time that I left.”

“This is where your family is, Arielle,” Marianne argued trying to keep Sophie in her seat.

Ellie smiled sadly, she wished that she could feel the same since of unity in their family that Marianne felt. “I need to get away,” Ellie said.

“When?” George asked not able to find the right words. He’d grown very attached to Ellie no matter how little he actually got to see her.

“The Uhaul is already packed I leave tomorrow morning,” Ellie announced finding peace in knowing that in less than twenty-four hours she would be far, far away from Sycamore.

“So you’re just going to up and leave?” Kathleen asked clearly growing angry.

Ellie nodded, “I would have told you all earlier but I didn’t want you to talk me out of it.”

“You knew didn’t you,” Marianne demanded looking pointedly across the table at Mallory.

“For about a month now,” Mallory said confirming Marianne’s accusation.

“You knew and you didn’t think to tell me?” Kathleen asked turning to Mallory.

“It wasn’t her’s to tell,” Ellie cut in before Mallory could attempt to defend herself.

“What are you going to do if things don’t work out in Maryland?” Kathleen fired back not bothering to pursue Mallory’s secrecy.

“She can always come back home,” Daniel said sternly. He wasn’t having any of Kathleen’s threats keep his daughter from coming home if she needed to. He hardly gets to see her as it is.

“Of course you’re going to be okay with her leaving,” Kathleen complained throwing her hands up,
“You let her do whatever she pleases!”

The conversation no longer involved Ellie it was simply between her mom and dad.

“She is a grown woman and is capable of making her own decisions,” Daniel argued.

“She’s proven that over and over again with her disgusting taste in body art,” Kathleen threw out.

Ouch, that one hit Ellie hard. It wasn’t as though Kathleen had kept her opinion of Ellie’s tattoos a secret but to say that they were disgusting didn’t make her giddy.

Her dad didn’t even get to reply before Kathleen was throwing another low blow.

“As if she isn’t a bad enough example for Mallory, she is deciding to just abandon her family.”

Of course that didn’t really sit well with Mallory so she was just about to fire some sort of acidic comment at her mom when Ellie put her hand on her wrist stopping her. Ellie pushed her chair back from the table throwing down her napkin.

“I guess I’ll see you at the next holiday gathering,” Ellie said keeping her head held high.

Mallory gave Ellie’s hand a squeeze before letting go as Ellie walked passed her mom to put a hand on Daniel’s shoulder and leaning down to kiss his cheek. Sophie finally got past her mom and hugged
Ellie’s legs tightly before George got up to get her. George gave her an apologetic smile and Ellie shook her head letting him know that she didn’t blame him before she leaned down and kissed Cam’s head. Milo met her at the door begging for one last belly rub before she went which she gladly obliged, but was soon leaving without looking back.

Ellie climbed into her car and started driving without any really purpose other than to clear her head.

Ellie hadn’t been paying attention to where she was going but she soon found herself pulling into a church parking lot. She realized two seconds later that this was the church across the street from where her Grams had been laid to rest.

She got out of her car and walked across the street. The gate was locked she already knew that, but this wasn’t Ellie’s first rodeo. Ellie pushed the sleeves to her jacket up and took hold of the bars as she started to climb the iron fence. She had been sneaking into this place since the week after Grams had been buried. Once she had hoisted herself over and into the grave yard she began making the long trek towards Grams.

She passed a line of trees before she finally made it to the family plot… or well the plot for her grandparents and their siblings. At this point only Grams and Great Aunt Karen had taken their places. Ellie hadn’t ever gotten the chance to meet Aunt Karen but she’d always heard great things about her, she was the practical one. But Grams, Grams had been the adventurer.

Ellie lay down in the grass that covered Grams’ grave and looked up at the sky. She wished that she could talk to her. Ask her if what she was doing was right. Ask if this is what she had meant by doing what made her happy. Maybe just chat about the stars that were shining so brightly tonight. Ellie knew that if Grams were really here they’d both pretend that she wasn’t leaving. They’d sit in the guest bed and stay up late watching lifetime movies and eating chips. They’d talk about anything and everything with the exception of her leaving the next day. They’d chat about crushes that Ellie had confessed to having years ago and laugh about the silly stunts that Grams had come up with to tell those boys. Ellie smiled sadly at her false reality wishing so badly that there was a way to make it all come true. For tonight, Ellie would pretend; she would pretend that she was laying in the grass that covered Grams back yard and that she had made a midnight run to meet her there like she had done so many times in real life.

So, while Ellie sat there she talked to her Grams about anything and everything, with the exception of her leaving in the morning.