Redefine Me, Redesign Me

“Ellie stop rushing around like you’re late,” Alex said laughing at her as she moved around the room grabbing random articles of clothing and shoving them into her bag on his bed.

“I probably am late,” she complained.

Ellie had slightly overslept and wasn’t taking it very well.

“Elle, I live a lot closer to your work than you do,” he reasoned leaning against the door frame, “You are not going to be late.”

“I forgot to brush my teeth!” she shrieked pulling her toothbrush from her bag and running to the bathroom seeming to have forgot that she was in the process of putting on her heels and nearly tripped before kicking the one she had on off.

Alex chuckled and rolled his eyes. “What are you getting so worked up about?” he asked hearing her brush her teeth furiously.

“I’m actually going to head a project!” she exclaimed around a mouthful of toothpaste, “and I’m starting today.”

He heard the sink running and figured that she was finishing up.

“Well that’s great what are you being so weird about?” he asked confused.

She jogged out of the bathroom grabbing the shoe she had kicked off moments before and carrying it with her back to her bag to put her tooth brush away.

“I don’t know if I’m ready for this,” she admitted shooting him an anxious look and biting her lip clearly unassured in her own capabilities.

Alex chuckled pushing himself away from the doorframe and making his way over to her.

“You are one of the most dedicated people in that office,” he assured her gripping her shoulders, “You are good at what you do or they wouldn’t have given you the opportunity. You are going to be great.”

Ellie gave him a halfhearted smile not sure if she really believed him, but appreciating the sentiment. She took a step back and slipped her feet into her heels before grabbing Alex’s hand and pulling him out of the house without even stopping to get coffee.

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“I can’t believe you’re leaving tomorrow,” Ellie commented as they walked into her house after Alex had picked her up from work. She had to get her car so she would have a way home from his house tomorrow after he left.

Alex shrugged, “It’s not like it’s going to be forever,” he replied as he followed her into her kitchen.

Ellie nodded, “I know it just seems like it,” she joked.

Alex smiled, “Well it’ll be over in a month and I can take you out to make up for my absence,” he told her hinting that he knew she was ready.

Ellie rolled her eyes at him clearly not catching on in his opinion. “Oh yeah,” she said in a joking tone, “You know as soon as you get back I’m going to be begging for you to take me out.”

Alex gave her a confused look. She sounded snide and he didn’t understand.

“What?” she asked mirroring his expression.

“I just thought that after last night that…” Alex let the sentence trail off not really sure what he thought or how to put it into words. “You met my parents,” he said trying to defend himself though he wasn’t sure what he was defending himself for.

Ellie grew more confused, “Yeah, because you asked me to,” she replied not sure what he was talking about.

“Hasn’t it been long enough?” Alex asked growing frustrated.

“What are you talking about?” she demanded getting angry that he was acting so strangely.

“What are you waiting for?” He demanded back, “Why are you running in circles around me when I’m right here?” he shouted at her.

Ellie took a step away from him. She didn’t know what he was getting so worked up about and it was all starting to make anger grow in her stomach.

“You told me you weren’t ready for a relationship, Elle,” Alex continued, “You said you needed to figure yourself out. How long does that take exactly?” he demanded shouting again. “I said I would change your mind and I thought that after last night you had, Elle!”

“What do you want from me?” she shouted back at him, “You knew that I was messed up and that I didn’t want a relationship! You knew that I wasn’t interested in dating. But that didn’t really matter to you. You just insisted that you were going to be the one to change my mind and to change me. You showed up here every day uninvited pursuing me and I was honest from the start, Alex. I told you how I felt about this.”

“Honest?!” he shouted cutting her off, “You told me you weren’t interested but kept me around and didn’t push me away when I kissed you and you call that honest? You went to meet my parents last night and you didn’t think that wasn’t leading me on?”

“Who really lead who on here, Alex?” Ellie cried out, “You came in here making me feel like I was worth something for the first time in a really long time. You taught me to care about myself before anyone else and you told me that you would wait. That I could take the time I needed to figure myself out, to get things straight. You promised you weren’t going anywhere! You said you wouldn’t leave!”

“I am standing right here!” he thundered, “But you are the one who is miles away trying to run from me every time I get close. How long do I have to wait for you to meet me in the middle, Elle? Haven’t I waited long enough?”

“I’m not ready!” she cried, “I don’t know what to do! I don’t know what you want from me, Alex!”

“I want you to want me!” he shouted back, angry tears stinging his eyes.

“Alex,” she tried to explain. She wanted to explain how she felt. To tell him that no matter how much she wanted him, she had to want herself first.

“I can’t,” he said in a low whisper before bolting for the door.

Ellie was left just standing there wondering what she did wrong. How had her day gone hill so quickly?

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She was unbaribly angry at Alex. Who ends things like that? Who just decides out of the blue that it was time to either move forward or not at all. He was leaving tomorrow and she would probably never get a chance to make it all right. To fix this.

She couldn’t help but feel like it was her fault even though it was Alex who started the argument. And it was Alex who had assumed that she was ready to be in a relationship without even talking to her about it first.

Why should she be held responsible? She thought angrily as she pulled herself out of her work clothes. He started this. He pursued her first. He invaded her life…

And now she was going to have to face what it will be like without him…

She let out an exasperated and angry groan as he pulled on a pair of jeans and a sweat shirt.

What right did he have to be angry at her when he was only angry at himself.

What right did he have just leaving her like that.

She was worth the wait. She knew she was.

…

Ellie couldn’t believe her own thoughts.

She was worth it.

She could have been the best damn thing that ever happened to him but he wasn’t patient enough to wait for her to be ready for it.

What kind of asshole does that?

She stormed down stairs and was about to angrily call and order a pizza when she saw her keys sitting on the counter. The Ironman key glinted in the light and she knew exactly what she was going to do.

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“Who the hell do you think you are?” Ellie demanded storming into Alex’s house not fifteen minutes later.

The dogs ran from wherever it was that they had been playing before, clearly startled by Ellie’s outburst. Alex came running down the stairs looking equally startled and obviously caught off guard.

“You don’t get to decide how I feel, Alex,” she said pointing at him and glaring, “You don’t get to decide that I’m not worth the wait.”

Alex looked like he was about to protest but Ellie wasn’t ready for him to talk.

“You waltzed into my life, basically stalking me to get my attention. You broke into my house day after day insisting that one day I was going to admit that I was madly in love with you and that everything would work out to your favor. I’ll admit that I resisted like hell at first. I did everything in my power to push you away. I was hateful and rude because you were exactly the kind of guy that I knew would be no good for me.But then you showed me a completely different side of you. You weren’t some asshole who was just trying to get in my pants. You were caring and sweet and I let you in. And one of those late nights I opened up to you and told you how much I needed you and you made a promise,” she took a deep breath still staring him down.“You promised me that you were there for me. And you have been. You showed me how much I could really rely on a person. You showed me that I was worth the effort.”

Alex didn’t say anything. He didn’t know what to say and that was okay with Ellie because she wasn’t done.

“So you don’t get to end this. You don’t get to be mad at me for doing what I told you I was going to do. You don’t get to decide that I’m ready. You don’t get to leave me. Tomorrow you are going on tour for a month so you don’t get to yell at me and demand that I be ready, because that would ruin the really good thing that we have going for us.”

Alex closed the distance between the two of them quickly. Kissing her fervently.

Ellie wasn’t going to deny that she wanted this so she didn’t push him away. She wrapped her arms around his neck and let him press her back against the wall. She kissed him back with just as much fever and passion as he was giving her.

They lost themselves in it.

They had been so mad at each other. So angry that things weren’t going the way they each wanted them to go.

And now she was melting into him and him into her.

It was as if they could read each other’s mind. Alex only touched her leg and without hesitation it was wrapped around his waist and he carried her to his room where he kicked the door shut before the dogs could follow them in.

He laid her onto his bed and their shirts were gone just in time for their lips to attach themselves back together.

Alex let out a low groan before pulling himself away from Ellie and laying on the bed next to her.

They were both breathing heavily.

“We can’t,” he groaned covering his face.

Ellie didn’t say anything and he thought that she might be angry with him again.

“It’s not that I don’t want to,” he told her while staring up at the ceiling and scoffing at the thought, “because trust me I want to. I just want to get this right.”

Ellie continued to lay there without replying and it made Alex nervous again.

“I haven’t waited this long and tried this had just to ruin it by moving too fast,” he insisted.

When Ellie didn’t say anything still, Alex began rambling, “I actually haven’t tried this hard in a long time. I haven’t really cared enough to. But you’re different Elle, I don’t want to just let you go. And you were right downstairs. I didn’t mean what I was saying I was just mad at myself. You are completely worth waiting for and-”

Ellie reached over and covered his mouth successfully shutting him up.

“I forgot my overnight bag,” she told him.

“You can borrow a tee shirt,” he offered after Ellie took her hand away.

Neither of them looked at each other so they didn’t realize that they both wore identical smiles.
Eventually Alex got up and grabbed a tee shirt from his closet and tossed it over to Ellie. The fabric landed on her face and she laughed pulling it off and tugging it over her head.
Alex was already in the process of pulling on some sleep pants.

“I’m going to call for pizza,” Alex announced, “the usual?” he asked raising his eyebrows at her.

Ellie nodded smiling at him, he smiled back before leaving the room to go back down stairs to make the call.

So maybe Ellie wasn’t ready yet, but Alex was okay with that. She was worth the wait anyway.