Redefine Me, Redesign Me

Ellie couldn’t have been more relieved to get out of Sycamore after that dreadful Thanksgiving dinner. She kept her thoughts on the whole thing silent only because Daniel had promised her that he’d talk to Kathleen about it.

She had bigger things to worry about. She had to get through another week… still had to figure out how she was going to tell Alex about the accident. It would be pretty awkward to just bring it up in random conversation. She was having a hard time not just telling him over the phone even though she knew that was definitely not something she wanted to do.

Work helped. She took on more responsibilities, took work home a couple of times. Work kept her busy, kept her mind busy. She knew it was the only way to keep herself from worrying too much. She didn’t want to dwell on the possible outcomes of telling Alex. She knew he was a good guy but that didn’t mean he would be able to deal with it, or be able to look at her the same way.

“What has you so distracted?” Lisa asked tone hinting at annoyance as she rolled from her cubical to Ellie’s.

“I’m not distracted,” Ellie mumbled as she continued clacking away on her keyboard trying to finish up her next proposal.

Lisa scoffed, “I just said your name about three times before I finally got tired of waiting for you to reply,” she pointed out, “and yesterday you barely took a lunch break, what is your deal?”

Ellie sighed and leaned back taking her fingers from the keys.

“I’m just trying to get as much as possible done as quickly as possible,” she said knowing that Lisa knew Alex would be coming home from tour that day.

“If I didn’t know any better I would think you were nervous about Alex coming back,” Lisa teased.

Ellie rolled her eyes, it wasn’t that Alex was coming back that worried her… it was the potential of him leaving her that did.

“I just don’t want to be bogged down with work that’s all,” Ellie told her frowning at her computer, “I did take an entire week off, I have a lot to catch up on.”

“Then you’ll be happy to know that I talked to David and you get to work from home tomorrow,” Lisa gushed obviously proud of herself for coming up with the idea.

Ellie sucked in her lower lip already starting to worry it between her teeth. She wanted to be thankful to Lisa, glad that she would be assured a three day weekend with Alex and seeing as he’d been away for so long she wouldn’t mind the free time. However, she couldn’t help but wonder what she would do with herself for three whole days if things took a turn for the worse.

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Alex wasn’t at Ellie’s when she got off work which she expected. He’d been gone for a month he was bound to have tons of laundry to take care of.

Payton and Sebastian bounced around her feet as she tidied up the house, just another thing to keep her busy until Alex got there, until she finally got this off her chest.

Alex somehow managed to come in the front door without Ellie even noticing. Well, that wasn’t that much of a surprise considering how distracted she’d been lately. It was the dogs barking that brought him to her attention startling her.

“I come bearing gifts!” he announced holding up a grocery bag with a two liter of soda in one hand and a pizza box in the other.

All thoughts on the more serious matter at hand were lost from Ellie’s mind at the sight of him. She was just too happy to have him back to want to spoil it all with her sob story. Pushing him away was at the very back of her mind, especially as he sat the food aside and reached out for her, wrapping his arms around her middle and pulling her in close.

She clung to him, tightly weaving her arms around his neck.

“Missed you too,” he murmured kissing her hair.

She sighed letting him go and going to the kitchen to get cups of ice for their drinks and plates.

“You get pizza on the couch and you’ll be the one paying mister,” Ellie warned coming back to the couch to find Alex already chowing down on a particularly saucy piece of pizza.

Alex grinned at her in response graciously accepting the plate from her. Seconds after she sat down Alex went straight to story mode telling her all about tour, because apparently she didn’t get enough of that from his phone calls. Ellie didn’t mind though, she was happy to sit back and listen to him for a while she knew that eventually she would have to tell her own story and she was okay with putting that off for a little while.

“Alright,” Alex said leaning back and abandoning his plate on the coffee table, “You’ve been too quiet, what’s going on?”

Ellie wrinkled her nose showing her distaste for the change in subject.

“I don’t know what you mean,” she said feigning innocence.

“Spill, Elle,” he urged turning on the couch sideways to face her.

Ellie sighed sitting her plate on the coffee table and repositioning herself to mirror Alex.

“I feel like I should explain what happened when you came home,” Ellie struggled to form the right words and she knew she wasn’t making much sense from the look on Alex’s face.

“Vague,” Alex observed, “You are really not looking forward to this at all.”’
Ellie rolled her eyes and wanted to shove Alex off the couch but she decided to stay serious for now.

“My panic attack,” She mumbled looking down at the couch cushions, “And my scar.”

She peeked up to find him looking back at her confusion all over his face.

“Why I don’t celebrate my birthday…,” she sighed, “They’re all the same story.”

She chewed on her bottom lip trying to really get up the courage to actually tell the story that she felt he needed to hear.

Alex reached out to her taking her hand in his.

“You don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want to,” he told her sincerely.

He didn’t want her to feel like she had to tell him anything. He didn’t want her to feel pressured. However, he really wanted to know. He wanted to know every mystery that came with Arielle Blair Emanuel.

Ellie sent him a small smile, teeth still latched onto her lower lip.

“I need you to know,” she replied hoping that he would still look at her the same when she was finished.

“It was my sixteenth birthday, and my Grams and I always celebrated by going out of town to a fancy restaurant. We were supposed to leave early but I it was a busy day and we ended up not being able to leave until after it had already gotten dark,” she began letting the story take her back.

“It’s your sweet sixteen,” Grams said smiling widely as she cupped both sides of Ellie’s cheeks, “I think you should get at least one present early.”

Grams held out the keys to her 1971 Volks Wagon Beetle, a car that Ellie had always admired. Ellie’s eyes narrowed as she looked from the keys to Grams.

“Are you teasing?” she asked doubting that Grams would ever give up the car, she loved it just as much as Ellie did.

Grams’ musical laugher as she handed over the keys told Ellie that this was no joke.

“I wouldn’t be that mean on your birthday,” Grams replied patting Ellie on the back, “Besides your papa is letting me buy another one and have it restored my way.”

Grams grinned at Ellie showing her excitement for the new project but Ellie was too excited about the keys in hands that belonged to a car. Her car.

Ellie flung her arms around Grams hugging her tightly as a million thank yous one after the other flowed from her mouth.

“I see you couldn’t wait until the party to give her the car,” Papa observed walking into the living room in search of all the screeching.

“Well of course I couldn’t after all she’s driving us to dinner,” Grams replied still smiling at Ellie.

“Good lord we’ll never hear the end of it from Kathleen,” Papa complained already knowing that Kathleen was going to throw a fit about the car.

“Oh nonsense,” Grams hushed him.

Ellie had never driven outside of town, her mom specifically forbade it, saying that it was better for her to get into an accident close to home… though that never really made much sense to Ellie.

“We better go,” Grams said gathering her coat and purse, “Our reservations are for 7:30 and we don’t want to have to rush.”

Ellie was so excited to drive somewhere new that she quickly gave Papa a kiss and tight hug thanking him a few more times for the car before leaving Grams to say her good byes while she ran to her new car.

The drive to the restaurant was a long one, given that their little town was well tucked away in the middle of large stretches of farm lands. The worst part was the long and narrow two lane highway that was the only way in or out of town.

Ellie and Grams chatted easily passing the time. Grams preferred to keep Ellie talking while she was driving anyway, Ellie became a bundle of nerves behind a while if her lips weren’t moving.

It was on that narrow highway that a car with its bright lights on, with absolutely no regard for other drivers coming from the opposite direction, blinded both Ellie and Grams.

The sudden change in lighting, the harsh contrast of burningly bright white lights against the unusually dark night took both Ellie and Grams by surprise.

“Goodness me,” Grams complained rubbing at her eyes.

Ellie chuckled keeping her calm and blinking rapidly trying to rid her eyes of the orbs still floating in her vision.

“If it weren’t for this turn-“ That’s all that Ellie got out before another set of lights were coming around the very turn that she was just about to place blame on.

The other car was going too fast, it’s lights were too bright, they were in the wrong lane.

Ellie laid on the horn as she heard her Grams’ gasp beside her. The car wasn’t correcting and everything was moving too fast. Ellie tried to veer off the road in time but she was too late and by the time she had reacted the car was already on them ramming into Ellie’s side of the car.

Ellie couldn’t be sure of what exactly happened next but she remembered the impact clearly. The rest was just pain and noise… so much noise.

Grams screaming and reaching for her, the screech of metal bending snapping all around them, and the strangled sound coming from her own throat.

…and then black.

“Ellie,” she heard Grams voice whisper hoarsely, “Baby doll I need you to stay awake.”

Ellie’s eyes were heavy lidded and she was struggling to gain focus on anything. As she slowly pulled herself out of her daze the dull pains she remembered were suddenly white hot leaving her gasping, hands flailing around trying to find a way out. She was upside down. Why was she upside down?

“Ellie!” Grams’ voice was stern as she gripped Ellie’s hand tightly.

Her touch was wet and Ellie didn’t understand why until she looked to their hands finding them both covered in blood.

Ellie’s words were failing her as her mind reeled trying to put all of the pieces together. Grams’ face was covered in scratches and the side of her face was a purplish color.

“You’re going to have to stay still, Ellie dear,” Grams told her, her breaths coming out in gagged pants, “You’re bleeding pretty badly and I’m pretty sure you have a concussion.”

Ellie was sobbing unable to keep control of her emotions as she took in every word Grams said.

“We’ve been in an accident and the other car drove off,” Grams told her calmly, “My purse fell out in all of the chaos so I don’t have my phone, where is yours?”

Ellie struggled to remember what she had done with her phone when they’d gotten into the car.

“Backseat,” she mumbled too scared to speak up.

Grams turned to look in the backseat and that was the first time Ellie had really looked anywhere other than her face. There was a lot of blood and Ellie couldn’t tell where it was coming from but she knew it was bad.

When Grams turned back to face Ellie, she knew that something was very wrong.

“I don’t see it,” she said closing her eyes as her brows pulled together.

Ellie knew it was pain, she’d never seen her Grams in pain before but this was definitely what it looked like.

Ellie turned her head to look around them. She was determined to find that phone, she had to get them both out of here and fast.

Where was it? She had never been particularly attached to her phone and she was regretting that in this moment.

There had to be another way. Ellie had to get out of her seatbelt. If she could move around then she could get out, she could get help.

When she looked to find the seat belt she realized where all of the pain was coming from. Her side was bleeding and she thanked God that the material of her dress was covering the actual damage. She took a deep breath ignoring what she was sure was a critical wound and reached for the button to release her seatbelt.

The button didn’t budge on the first try so Ellie put a little more force into it. She needed this to work. She was desperate for this to work.

“Baby doll,” Grams said sadly, “It’s an old car these seat belts aren’t letting go.”

“They have to,” Ellie said through gritted teeth as she continued to try and get her seatbelt off, “You’re hurt, I’m hurt we’re both losing a lot of blood and we’re stuck upside down, Grams. You were a nurse you know what this means if I can’t get this undone.”

With every word Ellie pressed down on the button with more force and holding back her tears became harder.

“Hey,” Grams said squeezing my free hand in hers, “Ellie you look at me.”

Ellie squeezed her eyes shut for a moment trying to convince herself that Grams’ voice was stronger than it actually sounded and that her breaths were slow and steady instead of the labored gasps that they were.

Ellie finally gathered herself up enough to look Grams in the face.

“You are making it out of here, Ellie Emanuel,” she commanded, “Someone is going to find us and you are going to make it.”

Ellie squeezed her eyes shut again, “We, are going to make it Grams, both of us.”

Grams gave her a small kind smile. The same one Grams used to give her when Ellie was a child pitching a fit because it was time for Kathleen to take her home. It was the smile that always meant goodbye.

“Ellie, it doesn’t matter what happens, okay,” Grams told her still squeezing her hand.

Ellie nodded it was something that Grams said a lot, “We’re in this together,” she finished Grams’ thought squeezing her hand back.

Ellie was getting dizzy and her eyes were getting heavy again.

“Grams,” she mumbled.

“Yes Ellie?” Grams said urging her to continue after a pause that was too long.

Ellie was finding it increasingly hard to keep herself focused again.

“I’m sleepy,” Ellie’s words weren’t making much sense.

“Someone will be here soon,” Grams soothed her knowing that Ellie had over exerted herself.

“I don’t want you to be alone,” Ellie replied more urgently than before but still too sluggish to be coherent.

“Just sleep now baby doll,” Grams hushed her, “it’s okay I’ll be fine.”

Ellie wanted to argue, she wanted to fight her on it. Tell her that it was not fine, she was hurt. They were both hurt. They were going to die here and she couldn’t keep her damn eyes open. She couldn’t stay awake. She couldn’t stay with Grams. She was leaving her alone. She was going to die alone.

Ellie was sobbing before she’d even gotten to really finish the story and Alex was already pulling her into his lap. He wrapped his arms around her cradling her into his chest.

“Ellie you don’t have to go on,” he told her rubbing her back as he choked back tears of his own.

“But I killed her, Alex,” Ellie cried, “It’s my fault.”

“No,” Alex insisted, “You are not responsible for that.”

“Alex she died alone because I couldn’t fucking stay awake,” she replied angrily trying to pull out of his grip.

Alex didn’t let go and instead held her tighter. Ellie only fought for a moment longer before she gave him entirely, wrapping her arms around him and burying her face in the crook of his neck. Alex did what he could to sooth her, tried his best to calm her down, but he was having a hard time controlling his own tears that kept rolling down his cheeks.

After a while Ellie needed air and lifted her head. Alex didn’t fight her this time opting to wipe the tears from her face.

Ellie was confused to see tears in Alex’s eyes.

“I am so sorry you went through that,” Alex told her sincerely as he cupped her face.

“You don’t think I’m being stupid?” she asked her eyebrows pulling together as she tried to make sense of it.

The look on her face and the way she asked that question, the tone of her voice, it all tore holes in Alex’s heart. He couldn’t stand that she even had to ask, not because it offended him, but because she’d obviously never had anyone react the way he was reacting. The way that a human being should react to such a heart wrenching story.

A new set of tears stung at his eyes and a lump formed in his throat.

“I didn’t scare you off, did i?” Ellie asked when he didn’t say anything.

Alex let out a strangled gasp of a laugh before pulling her back into him.

“Ellie, how many times do I have to tell you that you are stuck with me?” he asked and Ellie couldn’t hold back her smile.

Mallory was right, he was nothing like Hunter.