One and Only

The sun was blistering, beating down on the most sensitive parts of Vic’s skin as he desperately tried to shield his eyes from the shining annoyance. He felt his whole body toasting in the humid summer air, and while he was certainly used to the heat, he was in no way prepared for this thick, exhausting humidity. Not a single cloud dotted the sky, which would have been beautiful if he didn’t feel like he was dying. He pined for the fabricated icy air of the bus, his mind split with temptation. He so desperately wanted to turn back and flop down onto the cold, leather couch and let the coolness embrace his sweaty body. He stomped his foot on the asphalt, mentally squashing these beautifully exhilarating thoughts. He pulled at the collar of his shirt, it stuck to his chest. He wondered if the weather was simply reflecting his nervousness which twisted his stomach in knots and made his breath shallow and sharp, but at the same time he questioned if it was just the opposite of that and the terrible East Coast weather was to blame for such a feeling. He looked around him; the lot was strangely empty and quiet, but in the distance he could make out the muffled excitement of the crowds lining up in front of the gate, the blaring speakers during sound checks and heavy tires on a mix of grass, dusty dirt and gravel. He sucked in a breath, checking his phone for the time, having to wipe off a thin sheer of sweat from the screen from having held it in his sweating palms for so long. His heart throbbed, aching with his waiting. He started to seriously consider returning to the bus before he passed out and melted into the road, but suddenly he heard his name called, and he turned quickly towards the sound.
Kellin jogged towards him, gasping just slightly when he reached him. He smiled a large, toothy grin and waved awkwardly. Vic couldn’t help but reflect his smile, his stomach lurching. Kellin offered a rushed apology and excuse, but Vic disregarded it, because it really was fine, he was here now and that’s all that mattered. He tried to keep his voice calm, terrifying himself at the same time because he feared that he was letting too much slip past his lips and Kellin would read him like a book. But the younger man didn’t seem to notice and started walking out of the lot, turning around to see if Vic was following him. Victor, against his own wishes, ran after him, mentally cursing Maryland and its awful weather.
He sipped at his water, savoring how it seemed to cool down his throat as it went down. He gave a sigh of relief, laughing at himself in the process. Kellin grinned at him, taking a long swig as well. A bit of water dribbled out of the corner of his mouth, dripping down his chin and dropping onto the picnic table they sat at. Vic swallowed hard, trying to keep himself from staring at Kellin’s lips. The latter wiped at his mouth with his wrist. Awkward silence swallowed them, though people rushed around them. Vic looked everywhere but at Kellin, trying to come up with something to say, but it seemed like his voice was tangled in his throat. He took another long sip from his water bottle.
Kellin cleared his throat, smiling slightly, “You know, some would say this was our first date!” he joked, giving a rather devilish sideways grin. Vic choked on his water, he sputtered.
“What are you talking about?” he whispered, again trying to keep calm. He rubbed at his thighs with his fists and stared up at the younger man who was watching him intently, with raised eyebrows. Vic couldn’t help but look over his face, trying to capture that expression in his mind; the way his pale pink lips were plump and chapped, curled into a sinister sideways grin, his eyes bright and perfectly embodying that smile and all the happy thoughts that supported it, and the way his hair perfect framed his face, cupping his cheeks and jawbone much like how Vic imagined doing so many times with his own hands. He swallowed hard and bit on his bottom lip, taking it between his teeth. Kellin’s fingers twitched, and he tapped against the table. A faint, barely noticeable blush crept over his features, but Vic certainly noticed the contrast, even if it was slight. Kellin sighed, smiling into it, and put his hands in his lap.
“I think you know what I mean, Fuentes!” he stated matter-of-factly, his tongue flicking over those lips. Vic’s stomach lurched again as he watched. He looked away quickly just as Kellin seemed to notice and repeated the notion. He shrugged and brought his hand to his face, covering his mouth. He opened his mouth to speak, tasting his sweat on his fingers as he stumbled over the words he so desperately wanted to say, but kept lock and key for some reason. His chest burned.
“I really don’t,” he muttered into his hand, trying to look into Kellin’s eyes. The man’s stare was all too knowing and incredibly ferocious. Vic’s knees went weak under his glower, “Who said we were dating?” he asked, voice raspy. Kellin continued staring for a moment before bursting into a short spurt of laughter. He finished his water and crumpled the plastic. He sighed deeply, “Take a walk with me? It’s nice here, there’s tree’s and the dudes from Senses Fail were saying there were a couple of trails,” he pouted, extending his bottom lip and enlarging his eyes, which obviously won Vic over instantly. He sighed dramatically and nodded, swinging his legs over the bench, Kellin following suit.
They walked in silence, enjoying the thick greenery surrounding them. Sunlight sifted through the spaces between leaves, dotting the asphalt with yellow. Every now and then there would be a gracious burst of wind that would gently rustle the branches, and just slightly mess up Kellin’s hair and he would break the silence with his complaints, which only make Vic smile. While it was certainly nice and beautiful, the silence was awful and stung. It was confinement for Victor and his tormenting thoughts, his old bundle of self-conscious thoughts and feelings brewed inside of him, strangling the momentum he had for any movements he desired to make. He so desperately wanted to grab Kellin’s hand, which dangled by his side, awfully close to Vic’s own; he craved to cease the electrifying distance between them and just push Kellin into a tree and smooch that pretty mouth of his, and hold his head in his hands and just finally feel his soft skin under his course, padded fingers. But fear gripped him instead, and ghosts from his past held him back and so they stayed under that thick silence of doubt.
They met a dead end and turned around to return to the buses before the venue was ready to start opening the gates and they would be seen. Vic thought of a million ways to tell Kellin how he felt, and with each thought, he opened his mouth to speak and it seemed like the younger man perked up just slightly with every attempt, but they both felt back into disappointing silence. Before they knew it, they had reached the start of the trail and the lot of buses was within in view. Kellin slipped his hands into his pockets, a soft sigh ushered past his lips, “I’ll see you later then?” he asked, giving a small smile. Vic silently nodded, offering a meek grin, “yeah!” he muttered, “see you!” and with that, Kellin walked away, his sneakers shuffling against the ground, his head dipped down just slightly. Vic cursed himself, running a hand through his hair.
“Fuck yeah! You’re great DC!” Kellin roared into the microphone, wrapping the wire around his fist as the crowd screamed in reply. He grinned wildly, looking at his band mates as he licked at his bottom lip.
“So, you lovely people voted for us to get extra time today!” Again, the crowd shrieked in response, “Thank you very much for that! So, we were wondering what we were going to do with that time, and we all decided it would be swell to play something a little different than what we usually play!” He stepped away from the edge of the stage, surveying the mass of people before him, squinting against the sun; he beamed again and raised the microphone to his lips. Quickly he peeked over to the sides of the stage, and caught glimpse of Vic, standing awkwardly behind stacked trunks, his arms crossed over his chest. He noticed Kellin’s stare and quickly looked away, glancing in all directions for an attempt to escape from his mortification from being caught. The crowd screeched, taking up the space in that hesitation. Kellin returned to them, running up to the riser in front of the mass, taking in the calls and yelps. He leaned back, exposing his neck to the beating warmth of the unblemished sky. Behind him, his band mates finished switching out their instruments, Jesse sat down on a trunk, tucking a leg underneath him as he hooked up his acoustic to the speakers.
Kellin exhaled and put the microphone up to his lips again, “I was thinking a bit of Adele, do any of you know some of her songs?” he called out, screams swallowing the end of his sentence. He laughed, “Well, we’re going to play ‘One and only’ from her latest album-“
“You should buy it after you buy ours,” Jesse interrupted, speaking against the microphone as he quickly tuned his guitar. Kellin nodded enthusiastically as the crowd laughed and Gabe played a rim shot, earning more glee.
“Yes, well, this song goes out to a very special person out there, you know who you are!” he roared, falling back from the riser as the crowd faded his words for him. Jesse started playing the piano part of the song, earning a roar of approving yells and Kellin closed his eyes, clutching the microphone with both of his hands.
“You’ve been on my mind, I grow fonder every day,” he belted, pushing the words from his chest. The crowd erupted; Jesse started getting into it, swaying just slightly into the music. Jack started to clap to the rhythm and the crowd followed suit as Kellin belted out the words he felt so strongly. With the chorus, Kellin paused just before pouring out the verse, Gabe joining in.
“I dare you to let me be your, your one and only,” Kellin started, dropped to his knees, doubling over as he made it through the chorus and into the second verse. He clutched at his shirt, hammering drama into his performance as everyone clapped along, their hands raised above their heads, making a sea of arms as far as Kellin could see when he looked up.
“You’ll never know, if you never try to forgive your past, and simply be mine!” He sang, gasping with every word, his body lurching with every syllable. He scrambled to his feet, asking to crowd to sing along if they knew the next lines, “I know it ain’t easy, giving up your heart,” and as the crowd and Jesse sang that, Kellin sang over them, “Nobody’s perfect, trust me I’ve learned it,”
Backstage, Vic stood there in a licentious astonishment, wholly transfixed by Kellin’s raw presentation as the man leaned into every verse, his arms moving wildly as he belted into the microphone, his voice straining and just a tad harsh. Vic knew that Kellin was singing to him, that all those days of working on ‘King For a Day’ and the late night conversations that followed and never ceased, goofing around and just seemingly dancing around each other whilst becoming entrusting best friends was being poured out with some British singer’s words onto the gray tarmac stage. The thought sent tingles over Vic’s body and made his mouth dry. Such an authentic performance was being laid out evidently in front of him, and only those two probably knew the reason behind such fresh emotion, and it wasn’t just that Kellin was absolutely fantastic at everything he put his mind to. So, Vic just stood there in a strange trance with this frank proposition being poured from the speakers, trapped into a wooly embrace by such a touching outreach. Kellin finished out the song by belting out the final verse while standing at the very edge of the stage, the tip of his sneakers peaking over the verge. The crowd erupted in screams and whistles, their hands straining into the air. Vic swallowed hard, watching the thin man stretch towards the sky and then bow down. Kellin turned, climbing over the risers to return to the middle of his stage as his band mates switched instruments again. His chest heaved; sweat gleamed over his skin, his tank top drenched. He ran a thumb over his lips, laughing away his jittery nerves and the head rush he received from such a blast of adrenaline. Deliberately he turned, looking over to Vic, that god forsaken, all knowing smirk on his face. They gazed at each other for a moment, before Kellin turned around again and started into the next song, jumping up and down, his arms elevated. Vic turned away, rushing from the side of the stage and to the back where he saw Jaime sitting on a trunk, talking to Alex Gaskarth. The two greeted Vic immediately, but their expressions of welcoming quickly dissipated as they got a good look at him.
“Dude, are you alright?” Jaime asked, hopping off of the trunk and rushing towards his friend, “You look like absolute shit!” he murmured, grabbing at his shoulders and examining his face. Vic nodded quickly, pursing his lips together. Alex stared in bewilderment.
“Fucking hell man, I’m going to do it!” he cried, shaking out of Jaime’s grip. The latter backed up, and rubbed at the posterior of his neck.
“What the hell are you talking about?” he questioned, glancing over at Alex for support. The man stepped closer, but kept a tentative aloofness. Vic covered his face with his hands, groaning loudly against them and jumped up and down. Alex and Jaime glanced at each other, terribly confused and troubled, they both stepped forward cautiously.
“I’m going to kiss him!” Vic shrieked, throwing his arms up in defeat. The other two men paused, “what?” they asked in unison, their jaws dropping slightly. Arms still up, Vic sighed melodramatically, “I’m going to kiss Kellin!” he slurred angrily, “I’m going to smooch him and ask him to be my boyfriend!” He yelled that last part. Jaime sniggered abruptly, his head rolling back, “Okay, man, are you sure about that?” he questioned, placing his hands on his hips. Alex scratched at his head, “I really have no fucking idea what the fuck is going on here,” he muttered, “I think Jack slipped me something,” and with that he started to walk away, back to the bus lot. Jaime quickly glanced after him, but paid close attention to his Vic instead, who was still standing there inelegantly, his arms humorously still in the air, his hands floppy at the wrist. Jaime opened his mouth to speak, but was cut short by Kellin blaring, “We’re Sleeping with Sirens! Come meet us at our tent, later at three! We love you DC!” which made Vic panic. He shrieked and jumped up again. Jaime held back a laugh, “It’s going to be fine man, he’s going to walk back here anytime now and you’re going to kiss his sweaty, gross face and it’s going to be awesome!” he stated, grabbing his friends arms and shoving them down at his sides. Vic stared at him with wide, horrified eyes and he nodded slowly, gulping heavily. And sure enough, the men of Sleeping with Sirens ran down the steps to behind the stage, patting themselves off with fluffy white towels, shouting at each other in praise and slapping each other on the backs. Vic froze, and Jaime physically jostled him, turning him around to face Kellin. The latter stepped forward, holding his towel in one hand, the other placed on his jutting hip. He smirked, flipping his hair into place, “Did you enjoy our performance?” he asked straightforwardly, licking at his upper and lower lip. Vic swallowed and nodded curtly, advancing, desperately trying to swallow his unsteady apprehension and eagerness.
“One and only, huh?” he stammered at first, though he quickly eased into the words once he realized how confident his voice seemed. Kellin nodded, and his flirty attitude faded as he crossed his arms over his chest, a reduced grin replacing that overtly assertive and sinister one from before. He licked at his lips again, tucking back a strand of sweaty hair behind his ear. Vic couldn’t take it anymore and rushed forward, gently cupping Kellin’s face with his hands, pressing his lips to Kellin, tasting his briny sweat and honeyed, lemony chapstick. He leaned up on his toes, pushing into the embrace. Kellin dropped the towel, his arms wrapping over Vic’s shoulders, pulling him into it. Everyone around them whooped and hollered, whistling as Kellin kissed back, Vic nipping at his lips. They both pulled away with immense, toothy grins. Kellin suddenly felt bashful, and ran a hand through his hair as he ducked his head down. Vic’s heart ached and his hands twitched, wanting to so dreadfully do that all over again. He laughed softly, mostly as himself.
“What’s that?” Kellin asked, slightly affronted, but Vic shook his head, “It’s not you, it’s just that I’ve been waiting to do that for a long fucking time,” he muttered, looking up from the grass into Kellin’s wide eyes, lively with pleasure. He giggled delicately in response,
“Yeah, I’ve been waiting for a long time, too.” His voice lenient. Vic offered his hand, it quivered just slightly with nerves, but they seemed to mostly dissipate. The latter swayed, grinning so wide it started to ache, and he took Vic’s hand amiably. His heart leaped at the contact. They walked off to the buses, hands swinging between them.
Yeah, Vic thought, he should have done this a fucking long time ago.