Are You Locked Up in a World That's Been Planned Out for You?

Have you ever had someone you deeply care about so disappointed with you, that they couldn't' t even speak to you? You would rather them have screamed at you until your ears bled instead of having this pressing silence on your chest? Before this moment, I didn't know I could feel this way. I always hated being screamed at, and burst into tears the second anyone raised his or her voice at me. But I hated this. I felt like I couldn't talk, I couldn't move and most importantly I couldn't breathe. I wanted to break the ice, but I was terrified of the consequences at the same time.

I sharply exhaled and looked over at my father. He didn't notice or chose to ignore it, keeping his eyes sharply on the road ahead.

"We should probably talk about it, you know. There is a whole other story to what you just witnessed." I said to dad, shooting an uneasy sidewards glance as my heart began to race wildly.

"Emma now is not the time to talk about this. I suggest you let me calm down and we can talk in a better environment when I'm not in control of a vehicle." My father responded, using a calm voice that I could tell was very forced. He probably used this tone of voice on his suspects all the time.

He still kept his eyes on the road and wouldn't even send me a sidewards glance, however I did notice his grip on the steering wheel tightened judging by his knuckles turning white.

"I don't get why you barged in when you did. We were talking about stopping this whole affair anyway. If you waited just a little longer you wouldn't have seen anything. Ignorance is bliss, right? We wouldn't be going through this drama right now." I huffed, my previous timid feelings changing into anger as what my father had done had just sunk in.

"Emma Caine! I raised you better than that. You know the truth is the most important thing, no matter the cost. All I can say right now is that I'm disappointed in you for making such poor decisions, but I'm more disgusted in that predator for taking advantage of you." Dad angrily stated, raising his voice for the first time. He sounded exactly like a parent, and I knew this tone of voice was reserved for me.

But now I felt a little better. Anger was something I was used to; I could deal with this better than disappointment.

"The age of consent in New York is seventeen. I'm eighteen. I may not be allowed to drink but I'm technically legally an adult. And it's not like he's fifty." I sulkily replied, crossing my arms over my chest, as I did not like being referred to as a child.

It's probably another reason why I enjoyed his company so much. Well, at least I thought I did until tonight. He treated me like an adult. I wasn't just a cop's teenage daughter. I was an adult to him, I was equal.

Dad only let out a grunt, choosing not to reply. But we were pulling up into the undercover parking of our complex.

No words were exchanged as we exited the car, and climbed the stairs. I was looking forward to going into my room, screaming into my pillow and crying myself to sleep. Not only was dad making this whole situation difficult, the talk I had with the person I thought I was in love with tonight and the revelation of his true feelings had really upset me.

As soon as dad opened the door with his keys, I pushed past and made my way to my room.

"I'm going to bed." I mumbled, not even waiting for a response I knew I wouldn't get as I made my way into my room.

I locked my door, and collapsed onto my bed, not even bothering to change out of my clothes or wash my face. I then began to wail loudly.

I didn't care anymore that Dad would hear me. The cat was out of the bag, so who cares? Not only was the secret out, my heart had been ripped out of me tonight and I'd never felt despair in my entire life.

I no longer felt like the adult he treated me, but a teenage girl who only had obsession. I used to laugh at girls who thought along the lines of what I'm thinking now. But I fell for him hard, and I believed him when he said he loved me. Not only did I realise that the feelings were one sided, I felt stupid for believing his lies. I couldn't even say his name in my head, for fear of losing my mind.

At times I'd stop crying and start to feel a little better. I'd quickly try and think of something else. Maybe Jessica and I could hit up some parties and I'd find a rebound. But then I'd realise why I needed a rebound and start howling again. I don't want a rebound, I only want him.

I have no idea how and why, but eventually I passed out, throbbing headache from the crying.

***

The next morning when I woke up, I finally didn't feel like crying. I felt defeated. I was still dehydrated from crying last night so my mouth was parched and I felt weak. I laid on my back for a while, not having the energy or the will to do anything else.

I finally then reached for the phone in my room. I picked up the receiver, but before I could call Jessica's house there was no tone. My phone had been disconnected.

I let out a loud sigh, feeling defeated. It was obvious that dad had unplugged my phone outside my room; probably scared I'd be calling the one person he didn't want me to call. Luckily for him, he was the last person I'd be calling right now.

Knowing I couldn't stay in my room forever, and needing a glass of water I decided to adventure out. I could plug in my phone, grab a glass of water and avoid dad in the process. Maybe if I was lucky a crime was called in and he had to go investigate. Hopefully one smaller scale one, with no real victims where nobody got hurt.

I was out of light crime luck, as I saw dad sitting at the table calmly reading the newspaper.

I knew he knew my presence was there, but I quietly went and plugged the chord back in.

"Who are you calling?" Dad asked me, as I went to the kitchen area and grabbed myself a glass of water.

"Only Jessica. I can even use the phone out here if you want. But beware; it's going to contain a lot of profanity about you and how unfair you are. I can do that, remember I'm a silly teenager who shouldn't be associating with adults." I said sarcastically to my father.

"Emma, sit down. I have something I need to discuss with you." Dad said to me, making eye contact with me for the first time since before the incident.

I stopped in my tracks and debated whether I should continue onto my room or not. I knew eventually we'd calm down and be okay again. But right now I was so mad at his method of catching out the affair, I didn't care about any of that.

I decided to glare at him, but took a seat across the table from him.

"I spoke to both your Uncle Raymond and Aunty Yelina and they've agreed to let you stay at their place in Miami for a week or two. You are right, you are an adult and you can do whatever you wish. You do not have to go through with this. I just really think that due to the current events you should get out of the city for a while." Dad calmly said to me, putting the newspaper down to look me in the eye.

There was the dad I know, it was a caring look, a look he often gave me. Maybe I was wrong about the disappointment; this normal look seemed to stab me in the gut a lot harder than the disappointment did. I even felt guilty about being bitchy to him before.

"I…I don't know. I'd like to talk to Jessica please, to discuss whether the healthiest option would be to face the current situation here first and then take a holiday to Miami, or to take the holiday now to escape." I shakily replied, trying my best to not burst into tears again.

"Okay. Sweetie, you know you're the most important thing in this world to me? I won't lecture you, but I want what's best for you. Do whatever feels right." Dad stated, and I only sent him a weak nod as I took my glass of water and headed back into my room.

I put the phone onto my bed, and took a deep sigh before dialling Jessica's number.

Going to Miami would most likely mean I'd see Eric again. I hadn't written back to him in a while, feeling that I would be cheating if I did so, and knew it was inappropriate.

But now, it feels almost right to be seeing Eric again. I put the receiver down, just as I heard Jessica's bubbly voice answer her extension. I dived for my address book, deciding to call a different number instead.