Are You Locked Up in a World That's Been Planned Out for You?

“I’m just going to chill out here for a few minutes. She’ll tire herself out and pass out.” I said to Mike.

“Alright, that gives us time to talk.” Mike said to me.

I only cocked my head to the side in confusion, unsure what he would need to discuss with me. Before I could even reply, Jessica’s voice was heard from the apartment.

“Hey! I lost my virginity on this couch!” Jessica loudly exclaimed, to which Mike raised his eyebrows at me.

“Um, that statement is true. But that’s not what you wanted to talk about…” I mumbled, suddenly feeling nervous.

“No. I don’t really care to discuss about how Jessica and yourself lost your virginities.” Mike snorted in reply.

“Um, I don’t have one of those stories. I’m still a virgin.” I responded, feeling my face heat up in embarrassment.

It was a sore topic for me. I was pretty much the only one out of my group of friends that was still a virgin. No one teased me about it, except Jessica in a joking manner. It was still embarrassing that in those conversations I was always the listener and not the contributor. I still refused to bow down to peer pressure, when it was the right time I’d know. If I wanted to I could easily find some creepy guy, date him for two weeks and then have sex with him but I held some class. I knew I was better than that.

“Well I assumed non existent sex stories also was covered in my blanket statement but I guess I need to be a little clearer.” Mike sarcastically retorted.

I felt my cheeks go rosy again, but seconds later my embarrassment melted away and was replaced with anger. I was proud of my achievement, how dare he undermine me!

“Look, I just wanted to apologise about how I’ve been speaking to you tonight. I got woken up to attend that crime scene so I wasn’t peachy keen to begin with, and I guess I became a control freak because you were both drunk. I lost my patience with Jessica yet it seems you were the recipient. I’m sorry the way things turned out tonight.” Mike said to me quietly, his normal loud and sarcastic manner now absent.

I then started to feel bad. He had gone out of his way to make sure Jessica and I got home safely. Looking after two drunken eighteen year olds wasn’t an easy task. My semi-drunk state had caused me to overreact to every action tonight. I now felt really bad that I could now realise Mike’s kindness. Before I could reply he continued speaking.

“I don’t think you’re like a little kid. In fact, I kind of wish I did. The way I see you is kind of… wrong.” Mike stated, pausing for a few moment whilst he found a word to complete his sentence with.

“What do you mean?” I asked, biting my lip nervously. It’s never a good conversation when someone refers to you as wrong.

Mike sighed, as if expecting me to ask but hoping I wouldn’t.

“I can’t help but find myself attracted to you. You don’t seem like a kid to me at all, you’re quite pretty and you can hold up a conversation.” Mike stated almost cringing, and I could tell he really didn’t want to have this conversation.

I pressed on however; as I knew this would be my only chance to get all the information from him.

“How is that wrong?” I pouted, curious as to what his answer would be.

“Don’t give me that sad look. I think we’ve established that I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you. There’s just a social stigma attached to a thirty-two year old male attracted to an eighteen-year-old high school senior. It would also frowned upon at the station, especially considering your father works there.” Mike sighed.

“Look, I have a solution. I’ll kiss you now because I can get away with it. Then we can pretend this conversation never happened. Everybody wins!” I suggested, giggling madly at my exaggeration at the end.

“Whoa, I’ve never been offered sympathy action before and I’m not going to start accepting it now. Thanks, but no thanks” Mike sneered and I could tell he was genuinely offended.

“No, I want to. I really do. Call me a typical female but I think your whole mysterious demeanour is hot, as well as your looks in general. But mostly I like that you treat me as an equal.” I smiled.

I had no idea what I was saying until it all came out. I guess I always thought he was good looking but I never let it cross my mind for more than two seconds until now. But now that he had apologised and recognised for the way he spoke down on me, I truly recognised that he was one of very few, especially who worked with my dad who treated me like a young adult and not someone to talk down to. Plus I was also flattered that he found me attractive.

He ran his hands through his hair, and it was the first time I saw him with a more natural hairstyle, as opposed to the neat-gelled look he wore to work. It suited him; it gave him more of a rugged edge that suited his height and build, as well as facial features.

He then let out a heavy sigh.

“You know what? I’m willing to try anything to help me get over this little crush of mine. It’s like I’m a school girl, you’re rubbing off on me.” He stated, but sent me a little smile at the end.

“I um…alright. Is this going to be a peck, or this going to be a make out or what? I don’t know what to prepare for.” I stated, sending another pout to him as my face heated up from embarrassment.

“Aw come on, now you’re making me just feel bad. Can’t we just go with the flow?” Mike asked me.

I just smiled and nodded, before taking a step before him.

I shakily put my arms around his neck, as he confidentially put his arms around my waist. I had no idea why I was this nervous; I had nothing to lose and could just pretend I was so drunk I don’t remember it happening. I was also the one who before tonight didn’t have thoughts of Mike Logan being attractive.

I had kissed a few boys before, having a few make out sessions. I had received feedback from them – don’t open your mouth too wide, control your breathing, don’t slobber too much and the alike. But it was still nerve wracking, Mike was fourteen years my senior, so he had fourteen years experience on me.

My mind went completely blank however, when I went on my tippy toes to kiss him, grabbing his shoulders tightly to meet his kiss. I tried not to smile into the kiss, as I was scared he’d find it creepy, but I was in a giggly mood. I hadn’t kissed a guy in months, and Mike Logan was probably the last person I would have expected to be locking lips with.

I didn’t count the seconds but I would estimate that we were kissing for around thirty seconds before I was the one who pulled away; nervous he was bored of the action.

I was also the one who opened my eyes first, watching him take a few moments to drop his arms from my waist and to open his eyes. I waited for him to speak up, unsure of what to say next.

“So Jessica has quietened down now, I’m sure it’s probably safe to go in and get some rest. You’ve had a big night.” Mike said to me quickly after, snapping me out of my daze.

“Yeah! Of course. You’ve had a big night too, you’ll probably have to get up fairly early to investigate the homicide from tonight.” I nodded quickly, catching onto his quick exit.

“Yeah I do, I best be off. It was nice seeing you again Emma.” Mike said to me, flashing me a genuine smile, which I returned.

“You too. I’ll see you around I guess.” I said to Mike.

Before I could back away into my apartment however, he lightly grabbed my face and engulfed me into a quick kiss, lasting only a few seconds before he pulled away and began to back off.

“Sorry, couldn’t help myself if we’re going to pretend it never happened after tonight. Enjoy the rest of your night, hope the hangover isn’t too bad in the morning.” Mike teased, sending me a grin as he reached the end of the stairwell about to begin his descent down.

I only gave him a smile and a wave as he disappeared. I then opened up my apartment and found Jessica snoozing on the couch, completely passed out.

I shrugged my shoulders and left her there. She’d be out for a while, and if she woke up she knew where the spare bedding was kept.

I shut my door, quickly stripped out of my party clothes and into my pyjamas as I fell onto my bed.

It was only then that I let out a loud giggle, and smiled widely to myself.

Half an hour ago I did not think anything more than platonically about Mike. But after what just happened, it was hard not to think romantically of him.

I just couldn’t get too obsessed. I could be giggly and the schoolgirl that I was now, but then I’d have to move on. We both agreed that we’d kiss tonight to get it out of Mike’s system. Nothing could ever come of it, and even if they could I wouldn’t want them to due to the big age difference.