Are You Locked Up in a World That's Been Planned Out for You?

My eyes fluttered open the next morning, and I took a few moments to register everything. Being groggy from a slight hangover didn’t help; other did the fact I was in a strange room I had never been in previously the night before.

It also didn’t help that my clothes were discarded on the floor, and although it took a few moments the memories of last night came rushing back.

“Are you sure you want to do this? I mean, this probably isn’t the most ideal situation and not how you’ve probably been planning to lose your virginity.” Mike said to me, after leaving a trail of kisses from my neck to my stomach, and back up again.

“How did you know I was a virgin?” I asked him, giggling a little bit from the sensation of him ticking my arm with his finger.

“It doesn’t take a detective to put two and two together on this one.” He smirked at me.

“Alright. Well, does it freak you out? There’s probably going to be blood and stuff and aren’t you scared I’m going to be way clingy afterwards?” I asked Mike, my smile faltering a little and my heart beat speeding up. This was a conversation we had to have, but I was terrified of the results.

“Well not really, no. If you were going to be clingy you’d definitely show more signs by now. I trust that you won’t become clingy. It’s just a fact now on whether you think you’re ready for this or not.” Mike replied to me.

“Um…” I started, pausing for a few moments to really think about what I was about to agree with. Alcohol going through my blood didn’t help. “Yeah, let’s do this”

I groaned a little, as I moved about a little. I accidentally woke Mike up in the process.

“Hey gorgeous.” He greeted me, and I sent a small smile his way.

“Hey. Do you mind if I get changed, and freshen up in your bathroom quickly?” I asked him.

“Of course. I need to get up anyway, have things I need to do today. I’ll drop you off a bit later though, I think we need to have a talk.” Mike said to me, and added quickly after I shot him a weird look “It’s nothing bad, honest.”

I scooped up my clothes and quickly ran to the bathroom before Mike had the chance to see me naked properly, not before grabbing my bag from the corner of the room.

I sat on the toilet, and began pondering. I was drunk last night and only went that far because of the alcohol. There was no way in hell I would have gone through with it were I sober. But did I regret it? No, not yet anyway. It kind of needed to be done, and I was glad out of anyone I lost my virginity to Mike. But this whole ‘talk’ thing was making me nervous.

I quickly washed my face, and applied make-up I had bought with me in my bag. I got dressed, and walked out of the bathroom and into the lounge room where Mike was already dressed, two cups of coffee in front of him on the coffee table.

I took the full one, and sat next to him taking small sips.

“First, look I didn’t mean to scare you before. I’m not calling off whatever we have, in fact it’s the opposite really.” Mike said to me.

I nodded, unsure of how to reply and didn’t think it would be appropriate.

“I want to continue dating you, and seeing where it takes us. Hell, I’m even willing to take things up a notch and even make things more serious. But at the same time, what I’m trying to say is that we should wait a while before we slap the ‘official’ label on us. I feel if we were to become boyfriend/girlfriend there will be too much pressure on how we’re supposed to act, and expectations and all that jazz. What we have now is perfect because we’re both free to be ourselves and we both have fun. What do you think?” Mike asked me.

I took a few moments to let what he had said sink in. I sighed, and then decided to answer.

“I don’t really know what to say to contribute. Like yeah, I agree with you. I’m fine with what you’re proposing. I just don’t think this needs to be a big deal.” I shrugged.

“Well, that’s good then. I’m not blowing you off, and I’d love to continue to see you. It’s because of that, which is why I feel we should continue to take things slow and just enjoy each other’s company.” Mike replied, and I could see he quietly let out a sigh of relief as he ran his hands through his hair.

“I’m going to Miami in two weeks, for spring break.” I stated.

“I know, you told me before this thing even happened. Which is why I’d love to see you a few times before then.” Mike said to me.

“I’d like that.” I replied, smiling a little.

“Great. I’ll take you home now, only because I have so much to do before I get a call out. I promised my brother I’d see him, his wife and my nieces and nephews today. He loves playing happy families and pretending nothing is fucked up.” Mike said, rolling his eyes.

***

The second I walked into home, I noticed dad was out. He had scribbled a very brief note that he had another call out and he’d catch up with me later. The guilt I felt from last night returned, and I scribbled below it that I had gotten home safely and that I was spending the day with Jessica and I’d be home for dinner. This one wasn’t a lie, as straight after that I called Lennie’s house.

“Hello?” I heard Jessica answer after a few rings, and I felt relieved I didn’t have to go through Lennie, considering what happened between me and his cop partner last night.

“Jessica, it’s Emma. We need to meet up like right now, so lets meet up on the roof of the school ASAP.” I said to Jessica.

“Right now? Really Emma, it’s a Saturday. School is the last place I want to be right now.” Jessica sighed, and I could almost see her rolling her eyes on the other end of the line.

“I lost my virginity to Mike last night.” I bluntly stated.

“What! Really? Hot damn! Just let me put on a small amount of make-up and put on my shoes and I’ll be there in about thirty!” Jessica loudly replied, hanging up before she could even say goodbye.

I chuckled and shook my head. I had time for a quick shower before I left to go to the school roof.

***

“I can’t believe he was so sensual about it. Who cares if you guys were tipsy, he made it perfect for you.” Jessica gasped, after I told her the entire story.

“It wasn’t like that when you lost it to Shane?” I asked her, cocking up an eyebrow.

“I was fifteen, disregard whatever nice thing I told you at the time. He did ask me if I was sure, but to be honest I wouldn’t be surprised if he continued even if I said no. He lasted thirty seconds, tops and his parents were in the other room so he kept telling me to be quiet.” Jessica explained to me.

“Wow…” I responded, not sure of an appropriate reply.

“Yeah. I always admired how you were willing to wait for the right person. Mike is right it’s not what you were always planning, but really what were you? You wanted a sweet guy who would treat you right, and that’s what you got. From what you’ve told me, the way he kissed you, the way he touched you, he was sweet and sensitive. You got yourself a good deal, and you shouldn’t regret it at all.” Jessica smiled at me.

I smiled a little. I had poured my heart out to Jessica about my possible regrets, and she’d made them all melt away.

“So, are you guys official now or what? Is he your boyfriend?” Jessica asked me, and my smile faltered.

“Um, no. He thinks we should avoid expectations of each other and stuff by keeping things standing where we are now.” I stated, wincing in anticipation of Jessica’s response.

“Oh? Is that what you want?” Jessica asked me.

“Um…sure. The last thing I want in the world is to be a clingy virgin, and he has a point. Not only would I probably expect certain things from him, he’d expect things and things would be different. I definitely don’t want anything different. I guess I’m just a bit shell shocked that everything is differing from the plan, and although I couldn’t be happier, it’s going to take some getting used to.” I said to Jessica.

Jessica studied my face, trying to see if I was just trying to convince her I was okay with this. Hell, I wasn’t sure whether I was serious or just trying to convince myself. But I was in this situation, and there was nothing I could do about it.

“Alright. But don’t feel you never have a say with Mike. He doesn’t get to call all the shots when there’s two people in whatever the hell you’d call what you have. I don’t care who he is, I don’t want to see you getting hurt.” Jessica said.

I only sent a nod as a reply, unsure of how to reply. I was also scared I’d start crying, and I had no idea why.

“Hey, look at the bright side. If you meet any hotties in Miami, you’re free to do whatever you want. You’re not in an exclusive relationship and if it’s in another state it doesn’t count.” Jessica winked at me, trying to lighten the mood.

Unfortunately, it only did the opposite.

“But I only want to be with Mike.” I whined, heavily pushing my back to the wall we were sitting against.