When We Stand Together

"Are you sure it's okay for you to take so much time off?" Jeremy asks in a serious tone.

"Baby, I'm my own boss and I can take as much or as little time off as I want. It's okay." You reply, stroking your thumb over his cheek bone and his eyes close at your
touch."It's going to be okay"

He let's out a heavy sigh and when he opens his eyes, you can see his normally brilliantly blue eyes are watery as he looks into your eyes.

"I told you I was going to be there every step of the way and I meant it. I still mean it"

Jeremy takes your hand that had been caressing his cheek, pressing his lips to the back of your hand.
It's such a small gesture and you can feel a range of emotions well up inside of you, begging to be released and you don't want him to see you upset or worried.

"What are you going to do when I'm having the treatment?" He asks.

"I'm going to be waiting for you until you come out and then we'll go home, together"

Jeremy gives you a soft smile and kisses you. You know it means a lot to him that you are standing by him with this illness.

"I don't know if I'm more worried about the treatment or having this chat with the doctor" he says quietly, pulling away.

"Do you want me to come in with you?"

He nods and you are a little happier that he's allowing you take this journey with him. You know he doesn't want to be seen as weak or even vulnerable and you could never think that of him, not in a million years. You aren't allowed to go with him while he has the treatment, but you know sitting in on the talk will help you help Jeremy in the end.

Both of you get out and hold hands as you both take the first few steps towards the hospital.

The walk along the corridors have been in complete silence and you can feel Jeremy's hand tighten subconsciously as you both walk into the elevator. You press the button and wait. You are glad you are alone with Jeremy and you can see that he's starting to get anxious.

"You okay?" You ask, rubbing his back.

"I'm fine." He replies with a confident wink and it doesn't fool you.

"Let's go" You say, taking his hand and you both exit the elevator.

You are both sitting in front of Dr Baxter's desk and you can't ignore your own churning stomach. You give Jeremy's hand a reassuring squeeze as Dr Baxter explains the treatment, what's involved and some of the side effects that some patients experience. Everything is going smoothly and so far, Jeremy seems to be relaxing, that is until the conversation turns personal.

"So, are you romantically and sexually involved with anyone at the moment, Jeremy?"

Jeremy shifts nervously in his seat and clears his throat.

"I'll take that as a yes, then" Dr Baxter chuckles and tells Jeremy not to feel embarrassed."Is this your partner?"

"Yes, I am" You reply, giving his hand another squeeze.

"How often do you engage in sexual activities, Jeremy?"

Jeremy's face reddens and his eyes fall to the floor and you decide to save the embarrassment of answer, so you do.

"A lot." You say, feeling Jeremy's eyes on you."What can I say? I can't keep my hands off him"

"I'm glad to hear it. Now, while undergoing chemotherapy there are a few things that may happen that are completely normal. You may lose interest in sex, a level of impotency and have difficulties maintaining an erection"

Jeremy doesn't look at you and nods, accepting and processing the information.

"And you must use a condom when participating in any penetrative and oral sex"

"Why's that?" It's the first time Jeremy's spoken since the sex subject came up.

You know he doesn't like using them and you aren't particularly fond of them either, but you didn't have to worry about falling pregnant. Just thinking about it touches a nerve that you haven't thought about in a good while.

"The toxins from the chemotherapy presents itself in semen. We advise for your own health that you continue to use condoms. Some physicians would say for three days after the treatment, but this hospital and the board support the encouragement of using condoms throughout the treatment"

"How long is the treatment plan?" You ask.

"Six months." He replies."One of the nurse's will show you to your room"

You glance over at Jeremy and he's thinking about something, contemplating something. Hearing all of this is hard for both of you, but especially for Jeremy. He looks like a kicked puppy and the consultation with Dr Baxter quickly ends.

Jeremy rubs the back of his neck and leans against the wall, next to the water cooler. In a few minutes a nurse will take him into the cancer ward where he will start his treatment, but you notice something in his eyes, but you aren't sure what it is.

"Mr Renner? I'll show you to your room if you would like to follow me" a nurse says and you want to hold onto him."Your partner can come with you. You aren't scheduled for treatment for another half hour, but we like to make sure everyone's settled"

You both follow her into a brightly decorated room with a freshly made bed and chair.

"Some people like to sit up or lay down. Make yourself comfortable"

You give the nurse a few seconds to leave and you go to Jeremy, who is leaning on the window ledge.

"Jer?" You gently touch his arm and he flinches, moving out of your reach."Jeremy?"

"I don't think I can do this"

"Of course you can" You say, rubbing his shoulder."What's changed your mind?"

He rubs his face with his hands and sighs heavily, darting his tongue out to lick his bottom lip.

"What Dr Baxter said...I'm going to be a pretty useless boyfriend"

Your heart breaks as he says that.

"Jeremy" You take your hand in his and press yourself against him."That doesn't matter to me, baby. I told you that I'm going to be with you every step of the way"

"You don't have to" he says, averting his gaze to something at the side.

"Jeremy. Look at me, please" His eyes slowly slide back to yours."I want to and I am"

"I know, but-"

You silence him with a soft kiss, the only thing you've found that shuts him up.

"No buts" You say and kiss him again.

The hands of time stop as your lips move together as one. His lips are soft and urgent on yours, his mouth is warm and tastes of mellowed mint and cigarettes. You stroke his jaw with your fingers as his arms wrap around you, pulling you plush against his chest and you can feel the strong, fast beating of his heart.

One of his hand trails down to your ass and he gives it a light squeeze and moves further down to the back of your thigh.

"What are you doing?" You ask, shocked.

You had forgotten that you are standing in a hospital room.

"Kissing you" Jeremy replies with a grin, his hand moving to the small of your back."

"Well, you need to stop"

"Why?" He asks, kissing you again."We might not be able to do this for a while"

"Someone might walk in" You protest.

"And?" He growls against your lips"Sounds fun"

"I'm serious, Jer"

"So am I" He winks at you and closes over the door, turning the vacant sign to engaged.

He slots the peg into the lock mechanism and he looks at you, grinning.