When We Stand Together

You are physically and mentally exhausted from being up with Jeremy for most of the night, trying to comfort him as he vomited and groaned with the aches and pains, another session of chemotherapy being the culprit. A lot had changed for Jeremy over the last few months and not just concerned his health, but also his diet. Jeremy is used to changing his diet for roles, whether to slim down or put on extra weight, to tone up like his character Jem Coughlin in The Town or be a little more natural like Jason Walsh in the Unusuals.

Every meal you make is laced with flavoursome ingredients, using herbs and spices and extra things to spice up the whole dish, knowing that Jeremy's taste is being affected by his treatment. So far, he's managed to tolerate some cereal and hot milk and some fresh fruit, but it's lunch time and you want him to eat again. Little and often is definitely the way to go.

You set down the tray on the coffee table and gently shake Jeremy's shoulder. He's fallen asleep, probably for the hundredth time in front of the TV.

"Jer." You say softly."Come on, wake up baby."

He let's out a groan and yawns, his movements are stiff and he shivers. He pulls the blanket around his shoulders and rubs the sleep from his eyes. You watch him closely as he visually inspects the bowl of soup and ham sandwich.

"I'm not hungry, mama"

"I know, but you really need to eat something or you're going to make yourself really ill." You counter."It's your favourite, tomato and basil."

Jeremy sits up on the edge of the sofa and you watch him as he sprinkles a generous amount of black pepper over his soup, stirring it in and finally tasting it. He licks his lips after a few mouthfuls and you know he's trying to work something out.

"What?"

"I don't know" He replies, having another spoonful."Did you put something in here to give it a kick?"

"I added a little chilli. I know some things don't taste the same as they used to"

He nods and has another spoonful, making a sound of satisfaction.

"It tastes a little metallic, but the heat's nice"

"Remember and eat your sandwich" You say and he gives you a look, wishing you wouldn't mother him.

For some reason, you just can't help it. You're only trying to look after him and you know that sometimes you can be overbearing, but it's only because you care.

"Your mom called earlier" You say, picking up the empty bowl."Something about her booking into a motel"

"I forgot to tell you that she's planning on coming for a visit" He rolls his eyes sceptically.

"It will be great seeing her"

"She says she's coming for a visit, but dad told me that she's coming out to give you a break and I think she's right" He says, getting up and carrying his empty bowl to the kitchen.

The sound of having a break, even a few hours of time to yourself sounds wonderful, but you don't want to sound or look selfish by admitting it outside of your own head. You will always be grateful to Valerie Renner for everything she had done in your teenager years and you find yourself even more grateful for her selfless acts of kindness.

"We're booking you in for a spa day" He says suddenly, fumbling with the bottle of pills that helped control the nauseous feeling.

"I don't need a spa day"

"You might not need it, but you're having it." He replies, wrapping his arms around your waist."You don't get to have a say."

"Okay" You say in defeat."You and your mom could use some time together"

"Hey, she says she's coming out here to keep an eye on you, not me" Jeremy laughs."I've been replaced by my gorgeous girlfriend"

"Stop it"

"I'm serious, mama. I've been forgotten" He replies, pouting and it cracks you up."You need a rest. Promise me you will"

You can't take the puppy dog eyes and you agree to letting Valerie take over for a few days and it looks like a weight has been lifted from his shoulders.

You wrap your arms around his neck and you brush your nose against his.

"I love you, Jeremy"

"Love you too, mama. Now, shut up so I can kiss you" He says with a smile and kisses you tenderly on the lips and you feel reality and all sense of time melting away.

*****
"Hey, sweetie. How are you holding up?" Valerie says excitedly, pulling you into a tight hug and kissing your cheek.

You can't lie to this woman because she notices the tiredness in your eyes and the way you are slouching slightly, exhausted.

"I'm doing fine."

"Are you sure?" She asks, eyeing you with disbelief and you hate it that your body is betraying your emotions."Because I can fly out here anytime. I mean that, I really do"

"I know you do. Come on, I've made your famous strawberry and white chocolate muffins and there's some fresh vanilla coffee"

"My, you are turning into a little housewife" Valerie says with a laugh."Where's Jeremy?"

"He's taking a bath. He's feeling pretty crappy with the aches and pains."

"It's no wonder. Go on and sit down. I'm here to help so sit your butt down" She says forcefully and literally throws you into the kitchen chair.

You watch Valerie as she grabs two mugs from the draining board and fills them, taking two muffins from the basket on the counter and sets them down in front of you.

"So, tell me how you are really doing" She says, pouring some cream into her coffee and looks at you, waiting patiently.

"I'm okay" You say softly."I'm just a little run down and tired."

"You've been doing so well and I should have come out here sooner."

"Val, you have your own life and no one expects you or wants you to give that up. We're doing okay, honest" You say and it manages to convince your almost mother-in-law.

The conversation turns to happier times and you both giggle while you share old stories and you both try to contain the hilarity as Jeremy enters the kitchen. His hair is damp from his bath and is sticking up in every direction and he just stands in the doorway with a smile on his face.

"What?" You ask, still laughing.

"Nothing."

"It's so good to see you!" Valerie exclaims and pulls him into a hug and smothers him with kisses.

Jeremy makes a face as she continues to smother him with affection.

"Okay, I get it. You're happy to see me" He laughs and Valerie returns to her coffee."Are those muffins?"

"Yes" You answer with a smile."You haven't had your lunch yet,so forget it"

He pouts and the corner of his mouth quirks up into an amused smile.

"Are you really going to say no to me?" He says and his tone is warm and lighthearted.

"Yes and I'll keep on saying no until you've had some lunch. You can't have all the good stuff when you can't eat a meal" You say in a matter of fact tone, but you can't stop yourself sniggering behind your coffee cup.

"Does it look like I'm five?" He asks,
still smiling.

"No, but you do act like you are five sometimes"

"He always does." Valerie adds with a giggle."Especially if he doesn't get his own way"

You both giggle and high-five each other, openly celebrating the victory over getting one over on the male species in general and Jeremy looks at you both, laughing and shaking his head.

"Is this pick on Jeremy day today? Cause if I knew that I would have stayed in bed"

"Jeremy, don't be such a baby" Valerie answers with a laugh."When's your next treatment?"

The atmosphere changes and you can feel it and you are pretty sure Valerie can too. Jeremy doesn't like talking about his treatment and you know Valerie will probe deeper than you ever will, simply because you don't want to see any more hurt.

"Tomorrow morning. Eleven on the dot" He replies as he fixes himself a coffee.

"At least it's early enough for you to do what you want after it" Valerie says optimistically.

"Mom, I really don't feel like doing anything after treatment." He says quietly."I feel like shit after it."

You watch as Jeremy runs his fingers through his hair and you watch him as he looks down at his hand, a sadness creeping into his eyes that verges on devastation. Instantly, you know something is wrong and Valerie senses it too.

"Jer?" You ask, rising out of your seat and you stand in front of him, taking his hand in yours and you look up into his eyes. "Oh, Jer"

***

"Are you sure you want to do this?" You ask, placing a hand on Jeremy's shoulder.

"Yeah. It's going to fall out anyway"

You turn on the electric hair clippers and you suck in a deep breath, running your fingers through his hair as you run the razor over his head. His hair falls to the floor in tufts and it breaks your heart having to do this. When you are finished, Jeremy runs his hand over his scalp and all that's missing is the boots and braces. You brush the loose hair from the back of his neck and he turns to you, cupping your face in his hands and he kisses you deeply and softly, his lips lingering against yours as he speaks.

"Don't worry. It'll grow back, mama"

"I know" You reply and a tear slides down your cheek and you feel
Jeremy's thumb brush it away.

"It's okay. It's going to be okay. I promise"

You slide your arms underneath his and crook them upwards so you are holding onto his shoulders. You lean your head against his chest as he strokes your hair and back, making soothing circles.

"A few more months and it will all be over."