When We Stand Together

After Jeremy had left, you and Valerie had lost every ounce of composure and cried hysterically in each others arms. You had both sat at the kitchen table trying to comfort each other, trying to make sense of the situation and why Jeremy hadn't told either of you and most importantly, made the decision to not have treatment.

Neither of you know what to say or what to do and both of you wish that his confession was just a nightmare, but you knew by the look in his eyes that it was true. It was all true.

You've been crying non-stop since you found out about Jeremy's illness. Your nose throat and eyes are red raw, your chest aching every time you take the most shallowest of breaths. Your head is spinning with so many things you fear your skull is ready to explode. Valerie hands you a large brandy and settles down on the sofa next to you, giving you a wary smile, but you can see the fear and worry in her eyes.

You sigh in frustration as you hang up the call to Jeremy's cell, leaving a voicemail.

"Any luck?" She asks you. Her eyes are hopeful.

"Nothing"

Valerie purses her lips together and wrings her hands nervously, something you had seen Jeremy do in the past, an anxious tick they seemed to share.

"I'm sorry" You say suddenly.

"What on earth for?" She asks.

You push down the lump in your throat and you feel your eyes watering. You can see the pain in her heart and it's killing you.

"Susie?"

"I'm sorry I didn't know" You murmur through tears "I'm sorry I couldn't...can't do anything"

"Oh sweetie" Valerie is crying again and you feel terrible for making her upset.

She wraps a protective arm around your shoulders.

"How could you have changed anything?"

"I should have known. I should have spotted that something more serious was going on and then we wouldn't be sitting here...maybe I could have convinced him to do...to..." You trail off and violent sobs rack your body.

The tears keep on streaming down your face and you can't stop them.

"Susie, I want you to listen to me. I know my son and I know he had his reasons for not wanting us to know" She says, crying."But that doesn't mean I support his decision"

***

The soft thump of the front door closing jolts you awake from a dark tormented dream. Your cheeks are wet from crying yourself to sleep on the sofa after Valerie took some sleeping pills and gave you some time to yourself. Not moving in the darkness, you hear Jeremy's footsteps on the floorboards, walking through the sitting room and into the kitchen.

Quietly, you get up and you watch him from the doorway as he pours himself a more than generous glass of brandy. He gulps it down and he sways, grabbing onto the worktop for balance. You don't say anything, you just watch him. He leans on his hands and his shoulders quietly shake, shuddering and strangled sob escapes his lips.
It feels as if someone has sucked out your oxygen, stabbing your heart repeatedly as Jeremy breaks down.

You jump as his fists crash down onto the worktop.

"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" He growls and his heartbreaking sobs makes you bottom lip quiver and you didn't think it would be possible to cry anymore, but you do.

You didn't think you had any tears left to let out. You aren't sure what to do because he's drunk and he's upset. You don't want to push him further away and you decide that he will be easier to talk to in the morning when he's sobered up.
You go to bed, but you can't sleep. Everything is rushing in and out of your mind, but Jeremy is mostly on your mind. You had waited in silence after composing yourself to hear him coming up the stairs, but he never did.