When We Stand Together

Jeremy nervously glances around the waiting area and you notice his leg shaking, sort of bouncing up and down. His arm is draped over the back of your chair and you can feel the tension in his body peaking every time a nurse enters the waiting area.

You place your hand on his thigh and give a reassuring squeeze.

"Relax. It's just a consultation"
"
I know" He mumbles "Sorry"

"It's okay."

"Susie?" He says your name quietly."Would you mind coming in with me. You know, to speak to the doctor?"

"Of course not, baby. I'm with you every step of the way" You smile warmly at him.

"I don't deserve you"

"Yes, you do" You reply and kiss his cheek.

You both stiffen as a nurse calls out your name. Jeremy had arranged it with Dr Redfield's secretary that your name would be used in front of people in order to keep a low profile. It worried Jeremy that the media would find out and this morning he had called his agent to rearrange his schedule, apologising.

You knew the phone calls would come, the curious questions sparked by reporters as to why Hollywood's hottest actor and celebrity had taken such a sudden break. You knew they wouldn't be fobbed off for long and eventually Jeremy would have to tell people about his illness, but you keep that to yourself and try not to worry him.

Dr Redfield is pleasant and shakes your hand warmly, offering tea and coffee. You politely decline as you and Jeremy slip into the two seats in front of his desk.

"How are you feeling?" Dr Redfield asks, clasping his hands together over his stomach.

"I've felt better" Jeremy replies casually.

You know he's trying to detach himself emotionally from the situation, just like he does when he's playing a role.

"How's the appetite?" The doctor asks, taking note in a file.

"Unless I'm being force-fed, shit"

You shoot Jeremy a look for speaking like that in front of a doctor and for being so blunt and you realise Dr Redfield has caught the exchange.

"The good news is that your blood work and the scan confirm that the cancerous tissue hasn't spread any further."

You and Jeremy both nod and it's good news that it hasn't spread, even though you know Jeremy is apprehensive about being here.

"I've scheduled you in for surgery tomorrow afternoon at two."

"How long will I have to stay here?" Jeremy asks, running his thumb over his bottom lip.

"A few days to make sure there aren't any complications and the chemotherapy will begin two weeks from tomorrow."

You both nod, understanding the next step of treatment and the step after.

"As I said, the side effects vary from person to person, but the most common side effects are fatigue, nausea, change in sex drive, loss of appetite and hair loss. Medications are available to ease the symptoms of the treatment, but I have to prepare you that you may feel under the weather while having the chemotherapy"

***

You wake up and find Jeremy sitting on the edge of the bed, just staring into the darkness.

"Jer?" You say softly."Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, mama. Just go back to sleep" He answers, disconnected.

You can tell by the cracking in his voice that he's trying to stop himself from crying or that he already has been and you hadn't noticed. You get up and go round to his side of the bed, kneeling down in front of him.

"Tell me what's wrong, Jer" You say, cupping his face in your hands. You gently stroke his cheek bones and he feels thin."Baby, what's wrong?"

"What if..."He sighs heavily, his eyes wet."What if it doesn't work?"

"We will keep trying until we get you better, okay?" You reassure him. You swallow your emotions and hold back the tears.

"Susie, I might never get better, baby"

"Jeremy, stop" You say, grabbing him by the face. His hands gently grip your wrists.

"Listen" He says, evenly and then his tone softens, cracking."This treatment might not work"

"We have to stay positive" You choke out, your vision growing blurry.

"This thing might not work"

"Don't say that" You feel fresh, hot and angry tears fall like a waterfall down your cheeks.

He strokes your hair and face, his own cheeks tear stained and he is struggling himself with emotions.

"Susie, listen to me. If I...."

"Don't say it" You say, wrapping your arms around his shoulders.

His tears soak your shirt as you hold him closer than you ever could imagine. His whole body shudders as he clings onto the material of your t-shirt.