My Favourite Pair of Sneakers

There are only a few weeks left in school, but my mind was elsewhere. It’s leaping back and forth between the final races of the season (and of my high school career) and Louis. Always Louis.

But what would Cody think? I mean, he’s my best friend. I’m sure he doesn’t want me dating his little brother. That would be kind of weird. No one even knows I’m bisexual, not even him. They all think I’m straight, which is a bit of a problem.

The bell rang for the end of the period so I packed up my things and left for lunch. But first I go meet Cody at his locker. I leaned against the locker next to his as he traded his books for a packed lunch.

I chuckled lightly, “Dude, it’s our senior year and you’re still bringing lunch from home?”

He shut his locker door and smiled cheekily at me, holding up the brown paper bag like some sort of prize, “Hell yeah. These babies are worth their weight in gold. Well, at least to me.”

I just laughed and shook my head, “C’mon. Let’s get to the cafeteria.”

He shrugged and followed me. But before we got to the doors, I grabbed his arm and forcibly dragged him away to the unused section of the school.

He yanked his arm out of my grasp and demanded, “Ethan, are you crazy? What was that for? Why are we here?”

“Because I need to tell you something.”

He raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms over his chest, “And you couldn’t have done it in the lunchroom?”

I shook my head, “No no no. This is personal.”

Cody softened and put his lunch on the faux marble floor next to his feet, “Alright then. Tell me what’s up.”

I swallowed a lungful of air and let it out in a huff, “I’m bi.”

He froze slightly and looked at me curiously, “You mean bi as in bicurious or bisexual or bipolar or you want a biplane?”

“Sexual.”

“How long?”

“Since sophomore year.”

He didn’t say anything, and I was starting to get worried. But, considering his brother is gay, it shouldn’t really be that big of a deal.

“You’ve been keeping secrets from me for that long?” he asked incredulously.

My hands were trembling a bit, so I shoved them deep inside my pockets. “Well… Yeah… I’ve just been getting used to it, y’know? It’s kind of a big deal when most of your life you think you wanna have biological grandchildren and then you suddenly realize that that may not happen.”

He scratched the back of his neck and altered his position, “Well, when you put it that way… I guess it makes sense.” He smiled at me, “It’s alright dude; I don’t love you any less.”

I laughed, “Thanks bro, love you too. But, um… That’s not all I need to tell you…” I bit my lip nervously and shifted my weight.

“Out with it then. It can’t be that bad, can it?” He smiled reassuringly.

I smiled back, “No, I guess not.” I took a deep breath. “I like Louis.” I let the rest of the air out and closed my eyes, prepared for the worst.

“Louis? As in Louis Monroe?”

Slowly, I nodded.

“As in my little brother Louis?”

I nodded sheepishly.

He sighed, “So you like him. As in like like him?”

Again I nodded.

“Aw man…” he groaned.

I opened my eyes as his back crashed against the old lockers and he rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands.

I took a step forward, but decided against touching him. “What’s wrong?”

He pulled his hands away from his face and looked up at me, “Louis… Louis idolizes you, Ethan.”

“W-what? What do you mean?”

“Yeah, ever since we were young.” Cody sighed, “You’re his role model. He once told me that he wanted to be perfect like you.”

My eyes grew wide, “What? I’m nowhere near perfect.”

“I know that. And I’ve tried to explain to him that you aren’t, but he won’t listen to me.” He leaned up and gripped my shoulders firmly, “Look, Ethan.”

I couldn’t break eye contact with him.

“I know you like him and all, but make sure you think this through. If you do something wrong, and he realizes that you aren’t perfect… Well, let’s just say that his entire world might come crumbling down around him. Then I don’t know what he’d do.”

There was an intense moment of silence between us, but slowly I started to nod.

Cody sighed and broke eye contact for a moment as he released my shoulders from his death-grip. “Then you have my permission.”

The bell rang then and suddenly he turned, snatched up his lunch, and ran away from me, calling, “See you in Calc!”

I crashed against the lockers and slid down them, groaning.

Dear Lord, what am I getting myself into?