Once in a Lifetime

“This is so damn annoying,” I complained, leaning against the wall behind me. “It is last period and we can’t leave school.”

My friends Natalie and Madison followed suit and leaned against the wall next to me. “Oh I know what will make it better,” Natalie said, grabbing her laptop out of her bag.

“AVENGED SEVENFOLD!” we both shouted as soon as she clicked on the iTunes logo.

“Oh God,” Madison sighed, “you guys are obsessed.”

I nudged her and said, “C’mon, don’t be in denial. We all know you love Mr. Sullivan.” Well, technically Natalie and I paired her with Jimmy because she was super tall and so was he.

She laughed sarcastically, “Oh yeah sure.” But, her mood changed as soon as “Almost Easy” began blaring from Natalie’s speakers. “I’m not insane, I’m not insannnnne, not insane!” we all screamed.

A preppy blonde girl stopped in front of us and said, “If you don’t mind, we’re trying to listen to some music over here! And for the record, you are insane.” I couldn’t believe that she just did that! She returned to her group of friends and they started singing along to some Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana shit.

I smirked, “You know guys…my laptop speakers are the best. What do you say we have a little friendly competition?”

Even Madison agreed that that would be fun. I quickly opened up my iTunes on shuffle, and the first song to come out was “Unholy Confessions.” It completely over-powered their music, earning an early victory for us…well until the drama teacher Mr. Smith came out and told us to “turn that racket down.” Now what do we do?

Five minutes later, and we were bored out of our minds. We had done everything from talking in fake British accents to throwing black fuzz balls at each other screaming, “AHHH, SPIDERS!”

Suddenly, a brilliant idea entered my mind. “Guys, why don’t we just sneak out to that one little loft in the back of the school and make a few prank calls?”

They both quickly agreed to the genius idea, so we all grabbed our things and ran to the back loft of the school. It was supposed to be the place for the janitors to hang out at, but we quickly discovered it and consider it to be our hang out now. I totally love making prank calls. I just had no idea how much more fun this round would be than any other one before.

My cell phone was always considered to be the best phone for prank calls because my mom has it automatically registered as ‘private’ when I call someone. “Ok, who should we call first?” Madison asked, practically jumping up and down.

“Hmm, what about Pizza Hut?”

We all nodded and Natalie dialed the number on my phone and cleared her throat before someone answered. “Hi thanks for calling Pizza Hut, what can we get for you?”

“Yes, I would like to order an extremely large large pizza with extra cheese, grasshoppers, and artichoke on top,” she said in some kind of random accent…I couldn’t even tell what it was.

“Um excuse me miss, but we…we don’t sell bugs on our pizza.”

“WHAT?! Why not? I mean, where I come from bugs are simply the richest delicacy. They’re healthy for you, ya know.”

“But we don’t have them here, and –.”

“Do I need to speak to your manager or something? I can’t have my pizza without my lovely little hoppers on it!”

“But we don’t –.”

“I know you don’t have them. Well then I’m afraid I’m going to have to take my business elsewhere.”

“N-no wait, I think we do have grasshoppers, hold on.” She set the phone down and in the background you could hear her running around.

“What the hell are you doing?” someone asked.

“I’m looking for grasshoppers!” she shouted back. A couple of minutes later, she returned to the phone, practically out of breath. “Alright, I got a couple of grasshoppers now your total comes to $15.99.”

Natalie almost couldn’t hold her laughter in as she replied, “Oh I’m terribly sorry but I changed my mind. I’m not hungry anymore. Good bye.” Then she quickly shut the phone.

Madison had fallen onto the floor by now laughing her ass off. “That was brilliant,” I admitted, cracking up myself.

After calling a few other food places and stores, it got kind of boring. “I have another idea,” I said, grinning, “why don’t we each hit a couple of random numbers and then talk to whoever answers?”

“Hahaha we could end up talking to anyone!” Natalie laughed as she hit the first three numbers with her eyes closed. Madison did the same with the next three numbers, and then I hit the last four with my eyes squeezed shut. I put the phone up to my ear and listened to the rings, wondering who the hell we just called.

After about six rings, a guy finally answered. “Hello?” he asked sounding like he just woke up or something.

But then the weirdest thing happened…my mind went blank. I didn’t have any clever or random funny things to say to him because his voice sounded so familiar. It was like I’ve heard it so many times before, and yet this wasn’t the voice of any of my friends, at least I didn’t think so. “Is anyone there? I’m about ready to hang up…” he said.

Quick…I have to think of something to say. I panicked and glanced around the room, searching for something to talk about. “Um, yes I’m here sorry. I was just wondering if I could interest you in…um a service?”

There was silence on the other line before he replied, “What kind of service?”

There was a poster of Slash playing guitar on one of the walls, so that got the wheels in my mind turning. “Um, guitar lessons. You sound like the kind of dude who could have some mad guitar skill hidden deep inside him. I’m sure with my assistance you could share it with the world,” I said, regaining my confidence and adjusting my voice to sound a bit more professional.

“Who are you talking to?” Natalie whispered.

I shrugged, “I have no idea!”

I heard an all too familiar laugh on the other end and it was killing me trying to figure out who the hell this was. I stole a glance at my phone’s screen to see that it was a 323 area code and that is definitely not from anywhere around here.

“As great of an offer as that is, I’m almost positive that I’ve already unleashed my inner guitarist,” he replied, cockily.

“Oh, but I’m sure my training can enhance your supposed skill,” I said quickly with an edge.

He laughed yet again and said, “I really don’t think you know who I am.”

I rolled my eyes, “Try me.”

“Synyster Gates.”

Now it was my turn to laugh. “Oh you’re funny. So now instead of flat-out rejecting my offer you’re going to pretend to be a talented guitar player?”

“I’m serious…” he said.

“Oh ok then, I’m Amy Lee.”

“I know you’re not. So since you don’t believe me and I don’t need your lessons, I don’t see this going anywhere…” Click.

“Oh he did not just hang up on me!” I shouted, immediately hitting re-dial.

He answered quickly. “Hello?”

“How dare you hang up on me, Synyster Gates imposter!”

“Oh it’s you again,” he sighed. “Look, I really am him. You’re just gonna have to believe me.”

“Prove it.”

“I can’t believe I’m doing this…” he mumbled to himself. “Ask me a question.”

“When are you going on tour again?” There is no info on the website…so I’m guessing only the real one would know.

“We’ve been talking about starting one up in early 2009.” Wait…it was early 2009 right about now.

“Are you coming to St. Louis?”

“It’s the first stop,” he replied slowly.

“NO WAY!” I shouted excitedly, even if this wasn’t really him, the thought of seeing them so seen excited me.

“So I guess you believe me now?”

“Maybe…well even if you aren’t you still sound hot,” I said, verbalizing my thoughts uncontrollably once again.

“Do I get to find out who you are then?”

“I don’t give my name to strangers.”

“You know who I am though…and I can tell you’re a fan of the band.”

“I don’t see why it’s so important. It’s not like I’ll see you ever,” I said disappointedly.

“Hey you never know, we will be in your town in a couple of weeks…”

It wouldn’t hurt to give him my name right? If he’s the real deal then he might actually remember me. “Ok…my name is Amber.”

“That’s a nice name.” Holy crap…Synyster Gates might have just complimented me!

The bell rang overhead indicating it was time to leave. The three of us weren’t going to be getting up anytime soon. Madison decided to throw another black fuzz ball at Natalie, who totally didn’t see it coming. It landed on her pants and she screamed, “AH THERE’S A SPIDER IN MY PANTS!”

Then she started running around the room until the fuzz was off. “Uh, what’s going on there…?” Syn asked.

I was practically crying, I was laughing so hard. “Oh my friends are just being stupid again,” I laughed. “Anyway school’s out now so I’ve gotta head home. Would you mind if I called you back later? I mean, it’s not everyday that you get to talk to a real rock star…”

“Yeah that should be fine. Zacky’s coming over later tonight. We could have a 3-way convo.”

I unintentionally screamed out. “Ok that sounds like a plan! Bye.” I shut my phone.

“That wasn’t Synyster Gates…was it?” Madison asked as we left the room.

Should I tell them or not? Would they believe me? “Yeah actually I’m pretty sure it was him…”

Natalie practically tackled me into the wall. “WHAT?!”

“…and he said I could call him back later when Zacky comes over.”

“WHAT?! Oh damn you better take me home with you right now!” she shouted.

“Ok I guess I’ll drive your ass home with me.”

Needless to say…that night consisted of nothing more than screaming, laughing, and talking to Synsyter Fucking Gates and Zacky Vengeance!

(1 month later)

“I swear to God Brian if you made us wear these ridiculous shirts for no reason I will slash all the tires on your bus!” I said as the three of us walked up to the venue.

The plan was simple…we make t-shirts with pics of our favorite guys on them, but of course Brian had to say to make them hot pink so we’d stand out in the crowd. Natalie’s shirt said ‘Double Chin Man’ on the back (her nickname for Zacky), Madison’s said ‘Sullivan’ (for Jimmy), and mine said ‘Synner’ (just because I liked it). Needless to say, we definitely stood out in all this pink, compared to everyone else in their black.

The concert itself was amazing…we were right in the middle of the pit. I’m pretty sure I had eye contact with him a few times, but you can never be sure in that crowd of so many people. After it was over, we chilled in the venue until it was absolutely empty. Natalie’s eyes suddenly widened as soon as she saw Zacky a few feet away. “DOUBLE CHIN MAN!” she shouted running up to him and giving him a big hug.

“I’m still not thrilled with my new nickname,” he laughed.

Madison found Jimmy and started talking to him, telling him how much he creeps her out. And last but not least I turned and came face-to-face with non other than Synyster Gates, the one person I’ve been trying to meet since forever.

This is better than any dream has ever been because it’s real. And to think, I may have never met him if we weren’t bored during a last period free at school.