Still Loving You
But You're Just A Boy, You Don't Understand
But you're just a boy
You don't understand
Yeah you don't understand
How it feels to love a girl someday
You wish you were a better man
You don't listen to her
You don't care how it hurts
Until you lose the one you wanted
Cause you've taken her for granted
And everything you have got destroyed
But you're just a boy
~ Beyoncé
___________________________
Sid stopped in his tracks, causing Caroline to turn around and do the same. By now they were standing just outside the door and the only sound around them were made by either the wind or Marc, Vero and Jamie.
It was closing in on the end of April and while the weather definitely was warming up, there were still some colder days such as this one. The wind was whistling and biting slightly at their exposed skin, though neither Sid nor Caroline seemed to notice. Opening and closing his mouth a few times, Sidney tried to make enough sense of his thoughts to be able to say something to her.
"You're thinking about taking a job in Toronto? What?- Why?- What about Jamie?" He managed to stutter out, not wanting to think about what would happen to the already frail relationship between the two of them. Sidney was well aware of his quite strained relationship with his ex-girlfriend and therefore his son. He was also aware that it was because of his job, and the fact that he'd never had any idea how to split the time between them.
"I'll bring him with me, of course," Caroline answered with a firm voice.
"Hang on. You're thinking about moving our son over 200 miles away, even after saying that we need to spend more time together?" Sid questioned, brows furrowing.
"I've said that for years, Sidney! It's not like the situation has improved," she said, her irritation showing in the way she crossed her arms and shifted her feet. "I need to do what's best for Jamie and I. I can't keep letting him down like I always have. Something I've always done for you."
Caroline drove her finger into his chest before turning and quickly walking toward the car where the others were waiting.
As she opened the car door, Caroline looked over her shoulder at Sidney a last time and then got inside and drove off.
______________________
Sidney was still dazed from Caroline's revelation the next morning, something his teammates caught up on in the locker room.
"Hey, Cap! What's up?" Jordan inquired from his locker, but Sid was too deep in his thoughts to hear him. Knowing that Flower had met Sidney at Jamie's hockey game the previous day, Jordan shot the goalie a look. Marc shrugged to imply that he had no idea. When Caroline had met up with him and Vero outside her car, she had seemed pretty agitated but he didn't question it since it was no unusual thing after she had talked to Sid.
"Hello?" Now it was Max who tried and was waving his hand in front of his captain's face. Sid snapped out of it and looked around the locker room where every eye was set on him.
"Sorry 'bout that. I'm fine. I'm great."
Another look was shared within the locker room, and Max stepped aside to let Flower talk. "Did something happen between you and Caroline yesterday?"
"What makes you think that?"
"She seemed pretty irritated when she came to the car, would barely stay long enough to say good bye. So obviously something happened, and Care wouldn't even tell Vero when she called last night."
Sidney stood up and turned to face his locker. "Caroline might be moving to Toronto with Jamie."
A few murmurs arose, and Max voiced everyones question. "Why Toronto?"
"She said she got a job offer," Sid answered before starting to pull on his gear. "I don't want to talk about this anymore, so just leave it."
____________________
When Caroline walked out of the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette building later that day, she was surprised to find a certain hockey player leaning against his car.
"What are you doing here?" She asked.
"We need to talk, Care."
"Why right now? What makes you think that I don't have any plans?"
Pushing away from his car, Sidney took a few steps closer to her. "We need to talk, Caroline. You've ignored all of my phone calls today-"
"I was working, Sidney. I've been busy the entire day and my longest break was a ten minute lunch. It's impossible for me to just stop working and take a phone call at that exact moment just 'cause it's convenient for you. Everything can't be done after your schedule," she told him, took a step aside and started walking to her car.
For a second Sid was frozen into place, but he recovered and followed her. "Everything is not after my schedule, Caroline."
"Of course it is! You can't even come in time to your own sons hockey games 'cause they're in the way of something you're doing. And don't blame it on your practices, Sidney Crosby!" Caroline added heatedly when he opened his mouth to protest. "Like I said yesterday: I'm tired of having to come up with excuses for you to Jamie. It breaks my heart when I see that disappointed look on his face every time I have to tell him that Daddy couldn't make it to his game, or a parent day at school, or even his birthday party because Daddy always have something to do concerning hockey."
Caroline didn't even sound angry anymore, only tired. Instead it was Sidney who got fired up.
"It's my job!"
"I know! I know it's your job! I was in Jamie's place for two years before I got used to it and we broke up!" Caroline exclaimed and then lowered her voice and got in his face. "I don't give a single fuck that it's your job. What I care about is that you put hockey before your own son."
After giving Sidney a final glare, Caroline stormed off, heels clicking angrily across the pavement.
Sid stayed standing in the same spot for a few minutes after Caroline drove off, denying everything she said even though he deep down knew that it was true. It was also something that needed to change, but how?
____________________
Caroline was still relatively pissed when she came home, but mostly she was tired and her head was pounding. The house was empty when she walked inside, and the first thing she did was to take an aspirin for her head and then flop onto the couch. Vero had volunteered the day before to pick up Jamie after pre-school and to also pick up some food on the way. Normally it would have been something Caroline would have protested against, but after two days of confrontations with Sidney, it was needed.
She and Jamie lived in a quite small house just outside the main part of the city, and the house had been theirs since Caroline and Sidney first broke up. While he had tried to buy a house or apartment for her, Caroline had refused and bought the small house with her own money. Almost four years later, and they were still there. At first it was supposed to be a temporary solution until she could afford something bigger and fancier, but the house had become their home and the saved money had gone to Jamie's college fund and an account with money for visiting his grandparents in Canada.
Caroline was halfway through an episode of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills when the door opened and Jamie came running in.
"Hi, Mom! Auntie Vero and I bought food for you! I even got a big burger!" He said as he gave his mother a hug and then ran into the kitchen to Vero, who'd brought the food with her from the car.
In the kitchen, Vero was standing at the counter, emptying the bag of take-out food while Jamie was standing on his tip-toes to be able to get a good look at it.
"Thank you for this, Vero. You know you didn't have to," Caroline told her and stood next to Jamie, running a hand through his hair.
"I know, I know. I wanted to, Care. Besides, you and I need to have a talk later," she said, giving Caroline a meaningful look.
Jamie, ever the curious one, looked up at his mother. "What'cha gonna talk about?"
"Just girl stuff, sweetie," she smiled. This seemed satisfactory enough for Jamie, who turned back to watching and waiting for his food.
__________________
Once the three had made their way through their burgers and two Disney movies, Jamie had fallen asleep on a pillow in front of the TV, and Caroline handed Vero the remote as she picked her son up and carried him toward his bedroom. She managed to wake Jamie long enough for her to help him brush his teeth and get into his pajamas. The bedroom door was left open just a little bit, and Caroline then returned to the living room.
Vero had found a channel showing ER and was watching that when she came back. As Caroline sat down beside her on the couch, Vero muted the TV and turned in her seat to face her.
"Okay, Care. Time to spill. What the hell is going on with you and Sidney? Marc came home from practice and said that he'd been acting all weird, and when they found out why, he just said that he didn't want to talk about it. Is it true that you're thinking about moving to Toronto?"
Sighing, Caroline ran a hand over her face. "I got a job offer over in Toronto, that why I'm thinking about it. I'm trying to do what's best for both me and Jamie. But I never really succeed. Werther we stay here or move to Canada, he still doesn't get to spend enough time with Sidney.
I know that hockey is his job, Vero. Believe me, he's said it more than enough times. But it doesn't mean that he can use it as some kind of excuse all the time. Jamie hasn't spent a night at his father's house in over a year. And I can't just look past how much the both of them are missing out."
Vero nodded. "I see where you're coming from, I really do. All I'm asking is that you think about this, okay?"
With a pat on Caroline's knee, she got up from the couch and left the house. Leaving Caroline to her own thoughts.
You don't understand
Yeah you don't understand
How it feels to love a girl someday
You wish you were a better man
You don't listen to her
You don't care how it hurts
Until you lose the one you wanted
Cause you've taken her for granted
And everything you have got destroyed
But you're just a boy
~ Beyoncé
___________________________
Sid stopped in his tracks, causing Caroline to turn around and do the same. By now they were standing just outside the door and the only sound around them were made by either the wind or Marc, Vero and Jamie.
It was closing in on the end of April and while the weather definitely was warming up, there were still some colder days such as this one. The wind was whistling and biting slightly at their exposed skin, though neither Sid nor Caroline seemed to notice. Opening and closing his mouth a few times, Sidney tried to make enough sense of his thoughts to be able to say something to her.
"You're thinking about taking a job in Toronto? What?- Why?- What about Jamie?" He managed to stutter out, not wanting to think about what would happen to the already frail relationship between the two of them. Sidney was well aware of his quite strained relationship with his ex-girlfriend and therefore his son. He was also aware that it was because of his job, and the fact that he'd never had any idea how to split the time between them.
"I'll bring him with me, of course," Caroline answered with a firm voice.
"Hang on. You're thinking about moving our son over 200 miles away, even after saying that we need to spend more time together?" Sid questioned, brows furrowing.
"I've said that for years, Sidney! It's not like the situation has improved," she said, her irritation showing in the way she crossed her arms and shifted her feet. "I need to do what's best for Jamie and I. I can't keep letting him down like I always have. Something I've always done for you."
Caroline drove her finger into his chest before turning and quickly walking toward the car where the others were waiting.
As she opened the car door, Caroline looked over her shoulder at Sidney a last time and then got inside and drove off.
______________________
Sidney was still dazed from Caroline's revelation the next morning, something his teammates caught up on in the locker room.
"Hey, Cap! What's up?" Jordan inquired from his locker, but Sid was too deep in his thoughts to hear him. Knowing that Flower had met Sidney at Jamie's hockey game the previous day, Jordan shot the goalie a look. Marc shrugged to imply that he had no idea. When Caroline had met up with him and Vero outside her car, she had seemed pretty agitated but he didn't question it since it was no unusual thing after she had talked to Sid.
"Hello?" Now it was Max who tried and was waving his hand in front of his captain's face. Sid snapped out of it and looked around the locker room where every eye was set on him.
"Sorry 'bout that. I'm fine. I'm great."
Another look was shared within the locker room, and Max stepped aside to let Flower talk. "Did something happen between you and Caroline yesterday?"
"What makes you think that?"
"She seemed pretty irritated when she came to the car, would barely stay long enough to say good bye. So obviously something happened, and Care wouldn't even tell Vero when she called last night."
Sidney stood up and turned to face his locker. "Caroline might be moving to Toronto with Jamie."
A few murmurs arose, and Max voiced everyones question. "Why Toronto?"
"She said she got a job offer," Sid answered before starting to pull on his gear. "I don't want to talk about this anymore, so just leave it."
____________________
When Caroline walked out of the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette building later that day, she was surprised to find a certain hockey player leaning against his car.
"What are you doing here?" She asked.
"We need to talk, Care."
"Why right now? What makes you think that I don't have any plans?"
Pushing away from his car, Sidney took a few steps closer to her. "We need to talk, Caroline. You've ignored all of my phone calls today-"
"I was working, Sidney. I've been busy the entire day and my longest break was a ten minute lunch. It's impossible for me to just stop working and take a phone call at that exact moment just 'cause it's convenient for you. Everything can't be done after your schedule," she told him, took a step aside and started walking to her car.
For a second Sid was frozen into place, but he recovered and followed her. "Everything is not after my schedule, Caroline."
"Of course it is! You can't even come in time to your own sons hockey games 'cause they're in the way of something you're doing. And don't blame it on your practices, Sidney Crosby!" Caroline added heatedly when he opened his mouth to protest. "Like I said yesterday: I'm tired of having to come up with excuses for you to Jamie. It breaks my heart when I see that disappointed look on his face every time I have to tell him that Daddy couldn't make it to his game, or a parent day at school, or even his birthday party because Daddy always have something to do concerning hockey."
Caroline didn't even sound angry anymore, only tired. Instead it was Sidney who got fired up.
"It's my job!"
"I know! I know it's your job! I was in Jamie's place for two years before I got used to it and we broke up!" Caroline exclaimed and then lowered her voice and got in his face. "I don't give a single fuck that it's your job. What I care about is that you put hockey before your own son."
After giving Sidney a final glare, Caroline stormed off, heels clicking angrily across the pavement.
Sid stayed standing in the same spot for a few minutes after Caroline drove off, denying everything she said even though he deep down knew that it was true. It was also something that needed to change, but how?
____________________
Caroline was still relatively pissed when she came home, but mostly she was tired and her head was pounding. The house was empty when she walked inside, and the first thing she did was to take an aspirin for her head and then flop onto the couch. Vero had volunteered the day before to pick up Jamie after pre-school and to also pick up some food on the way. Normally it would have been something Caroline would have protested against, but after two days of confrontations with Sidney, it was needed.
She and Jamie lived in a quite small house just outside the main part of the city, and the house had been theirs since Caroline and Sidney first broke up. While he had tried to buy a house or apartment for her, Caroline had refused and bought the small house with her own money. Almost four years later, and they were still there. At first it was supposed to be a temporary solution until she could afford something bigger and fancier, but the house had become their home and the saved money had gone to Jamie's college fund and an account with money for visiting his grandparents in Canada.
Caroline was halfway through an episode of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills when the door opened and Jamie came running in.
"Hi, Mom! Auntie Vero and I bought food for you! I even got a big burger!" He said as he gave his mother a hug and then ran into the kitchen to Vero, who'd brought the food with her from the car.
In the kitchen, Vero was standing at the counter, emptying the bag of take-out food while Jamie was standing on his tip-toes to be able to get a good look at it.
"Thank you for this, Vero. You know you didn't have to," Caroline told her and stood next to Jamie, running a hand through his hair.
"I know, I know. I wanted to, Care. Besides, you and I need to have a talk later," she said, giving Caroline a meaningful look.
Jamie, ever the curious one, looked up at his mother. "What'cha gonna talk about?"
"Just girl stuff, sweetie," she smiled. This seemed satisfactory enough for Jamie, who turned back to watching and waiting for his food.
__________________
Once the three had made their way through their burgers and two Disney movies, Jamie had fallen asleep on a pillow in front of the TV, and Caroline handed Vero the remote as she picked her son up and carried him toward his bedroom. She managed to wake Jamie long enough for her to help him brush his teeth and get into his pajamas. The bedroom door was left open just a little bit, and Caroline then returned to the living room.
Vero had found a channel showing ER and was watching that when she came back. As Caroline sat down beside her on the couch, Vero muted the TV and turned in her seat to face her.
"Okay, Care. Time to spill. What the hell is going on with you and Sidney? Marc came home from practice and said that he'd been acting all weird, and when they found out why, he just said that he didn't want to talk about it. Is it true that you're thinking about moving to Toronto?"
Sighing, Caroline ran a hand over her face. "I got a job offer over in Toronto, that why I'm thinking about it. I'm trying to do what's best for both me and Jamie. But I never really succeed. Werther we stay here or move to Canada, he still doesn't get to spend enough time with Sidney.
I know that hockey is his job, Vero. Believe me, he's said it more than enough times. But it doesn't mean that he can use it as some kind of excuse all the time. Jamie hasn't spent a night at his father's house in over a year. And I can't just look past how much the both of them are missing out."
Vero nodded. "I see where you're coming from, I really do. All I'm asking is that you think about this, okay?"
With a pat on Caroline's knee, she got up from the couch and left the house. Leaving Caroline to her own thoughts.