Still Loving You
Forgiven
You gave up the fight
You left me behind
All that's done's forgiven
You'll always be mine
I know deep inside
All that's done's forgiven
~ Within Temptation
__________________________
Sidney was still hung up on what Caroline had said the previous day when he turned up for practice. Someone else who hadn't forgotten what had happened was Flower, who's glares at Sid did not go unnoticed by anyone.
"Why the hell is Flower mentally trying to set you on fire?" Matt Cooke questioned while they got dressed in their equipment. Keeping his mouth shut, Sid avoided looking at him and shrugged his shoulders. He then turned his back to the locker room, ignoring the questioning stares he could feel on his back.
Sidney tried his best to act normally out on the ice despite continuously replaying his and Caroline's talk from when he'd dropped off Jamie, as well as feeling Flower's glare follow him around when it could. He made the decision to try and catch the goalie after practice was over and apologise for him having to stay behind and wait with Jamie. He would also ask about the Frenchman's sudden hostility.
So, once showered and dressed, Sid hung around outside the locker room, waiting for Marc to exit through the door. When he did, Sid wasn't even spared a glance before Marc headed down the hallway. Though he was slightly taken aback by his friend's reaction, Sidney jogged to catch up with him.
"Hey, Flower! Hang on," he said as he walked along side him. The ignoring continued. In the end, Sidney hurried to stand in front of him, effectively blocking Marc's path.
"What the hell is up with you today?" He questioned.
Marc rolled his eyes. "If you gotta ask me that, I'm not even going to give you an answer."
"Come on, man. All I wanted to do was to apologize for leaving Jamie with you like that yesterday."
Now Marc's jaw dropped. "You think you need to apologize to me? I love hanging out with that kid, you know that. But who you really should apologize to are Caroline and Jamie. I'm not sad over the fact that I get to look after him and that you trust me with him. I'm sad because I know your son better than you do. And that's something you desperately need to change before it's too late," with a weak smile that was basically only a twitch with the corner of his mouth, the Frenchman walked around Sidney and out of the building.
Sid wasn't as quick to leave though, as both Caroline's and Marc-André's lectures echoed in his head. After a couple of minutes of thinking and strange looks from by-passers, he started on his way out, determined to talk things out with Caroline. It wasn't until he was sitting behind the wheel of his parked car that he remembered that Jamie'd told him the previous day that Caroline's family was coming to visit. While her dad had always liked him, the same couldn't be said about her brothers. At least not anymore. The further apart Sidney grew from Jamie and Caroline, the more they disliked him. To avoid bumping into them and possibly starting an argument, Sid pulled out his cellphone instead. At first he thought she wouldn't pick up when she saw his number, but he was pleasantly surprised.
"What do you want, Sidney?
"I need to talk to you, Care. Preferably not over the phone."
There was silence on the other end of the line, the only sound the distant laughing of children, and then she heaved a big sigh.
"Fine. Meet me at Schenley Park in about half an hour, over by the Anderson Playground," was all Caroline said before hanging up.
Sid stared at his phone for a few seconds before tossing it on the front seat and starting his car. Better to be early than late, right?
_____________
It felt a bit weird to only by standing on the sidelines of the play area, watching Jamie run around playing with his mother and the figures Sidney recognized as her brothers. But while he waited for Caroline, he contemplated why he hadn't felt that way before and how things had even turned out the way they were now in the first place.
Well, that last thing wasn't hard to figure out. He'd gotten caught up in his success in hockey and focused more on that than his insecurities as a boyfriend and a father. Truth to be told, now that he thought about it he couldn't blame Caroline for any of the choices that she'd made, including wanting to move to Toronto, because she'd been able to do something he hadn't. And that was to put family, Jamie, first. And that was definitely something he needed to change before that opportunity was lost.
Sidney's train of thought was interrupted by Caroline as she appeared by his elbow.
"What is it that's too important to discuss over the phone?"
She still hadn't looked at him and kept her gaze glued on where Jamie was playing with his uncles. Instead, Sid looked down at her.
"I want to apologize- no, I need to apologize, to both you and Jamie, for being such an ass. I've done the exact opposite of what I should have done, and I know that now."
This time Caroline looked up at him and pulled her cardigan tighter around her body, as if trying to shield off a cold wind. "Wow, finally the epiphany I've been waiting for, the sad thing is that it's five years too late. And I can't help but wonder if you're really serious this time or if it'll just be history repeating itself."
Sid met her eyes for a second and then looked down on the ground. "I'm serious, Caroline. I guess I've just had my head too far up my ass to really realize what I've been doing, how I've been hurting you and Jamie, and I don't wanna do that anymore."
"What brought this on? 'Cause I know that you didn't just magically realize this after a good couple of years," she said while still looking up at him.
"It was Flower actually. I tried to talk to him today after practise and he really handed it to me." Sidney met her eyes again and this time he didn't look away. "I know it's not going to be easy and I know that I don't deserve as many chances that you've given me, but will you let me try to make it up to you? The both of you?"
This time Caroline looked away, back over at Jamie who was currently going down the slide where he met up with Caroline's brothers at the bottom. After a sigh she answered, "You can try, but I'm not putting our lives on hold just for that. I'm not gonna stop overweighing the job offer in Toronto, and I'm not going to help you out either. You got yourself into this, you gotta get yourself out. But I'm not gonna stop you either," she gave him a slight smile before she grew serious again. "But don't you start thinking that I'm not still mad."
Sid held up his hands, nodding seriously. "Don't worry about that, I'm not my own biggest fan at the moment."
"Glad we agree on something," she retorted but there was a vague teasing tone in her voice.
The two of them stood there silently for a while, nobody noticing them and the sun warming their backs. A few times Sidney looked down at her and opened his mouth to say something and then closed it again. And a few times Caroline saw this from the corner of her eye but pretended not to notice. It wasn't until Jamie and his uncles started looking around for her that she spoke again.
"You're welcome to join us for dinner tonight, if you want to. I know that my parents would be happy to see you, can't say the same concerning my brothers though but they'd try for Jamie."
"I'd really like that, thanks."
They shared a look before Caroline walked back over to the jungle gym where Jamie was. Sid stood there for another minute and then started walking in the direction of his car, his heart feeling slightly lighter. But only slightly.
You left me behind
All that's done's forgiven
You'll always be mine
I know deep inside
All that's done's forgiven
~ Within Temptation
__________________________
Sidney was still hung up on what Caroline had said the previous day when he turned up for practice. Someone else who hadn't forgotten what had happened was Flower, who's glares at Sid did not go unnoticed by anyone.
"Why the hell is Flower mentally trying to set you on fire?" Matt Cooke questioned while they got dressed in their equipment. Keeping his mouth shut, Sid avoided looking at him and shrugged his shoulders. He then turned his back to the locker room, ignoring the questioning stares he could feel on his back.
Sidney tried his best to act normally out on the ice despite continuously replaying his and Caroline's talk from when he'd dropped off Jamie, as well as feeling Flower's glare follow him around when it could. He made the decision to try and catch the goalie after practice was over and apologise for him having to stay behind and wait with Jamie. He would also ask about the Frenchman's sudden hostility.
So, once showered and dressed, Sid hung around outside the locker room, waiting for Marc to exit through the door. When he did, Sid wasn't even spared a glance before Marc headed down the hallway. Though he was slightly taken aback by his friend's reaction, Sidney jogged to catch up with him.
"Hey, Flower! Hang on," he said as he walked along side him. The ignoring continued. In the end, Sidney hurried to stand in front of him, effectively blocking Marc's path.
"What the hell is up with you today?" He questioned.
Marc rolled his eyes. "If you gotta ask me that, I'm not even going to give you an answer."
"Come on, man. All I wanted to do was to apologize for leaving Jamie with you like that yesterday."
Now Marc's jaw dropped. "You think you need to apologize to me? I love hanging out with that kid, you know that. But who you really should apologize to are Caroline and Jamie. I'm not sad over the fact that I get to look after him and that you trust me with him. I'm sad because I know your son better than you do. And that's something you desperately need to change before it's too late," with a weak smile that was basically only a twitch with the corner of his mouth, the Frenchman walked around Sidney and out of the building.
Sid wasn't as quick to leave though, as both Caroline's and Marc-André's lectures echoed in his head. After a couple of minutes of thinking and strange looks from by-passers, he started on his way out, determined to talk things out with Caroline. It wasn't until he was sitting behind the wheel of his parked car that he remembered that Jamie'd told him the previous day that Caroline's family was coming to visit. While her dad had always liked him, the same couldn't be said about her brothers. At least not anymore. The further apart Sidney grew from Jamie and Caroline, the more they disliked him. To avoid bumping into them and possibly starting an argument, Sid pulled out his cellphone instead. At first he thought she wouldn't pick up when she saw his number, but he was pleasantly surprised.
"What do you want, Sidney?
"I need to talk to you, Care. Preferably not over the phone."
There was silence on the other end of the line, the only sound the distant laughing of children, and then she heaved a big sigh.
"Fine. Meet me at Schenley Park in about half an hour, over by the Anderson Playground," was all Caroline said before hanging up.
Sid stared at his phone for a few seconds before tossing it on the front seat and starting his car. Better to be early than late, right?
_____________
It felt a bit weird to only by standing on the sidelines of the play area, watching Jamie run around playing with his mother and the figures Sidney recognized as her brothers. But while he waited for Caroline, he contemplated why he hadn't felt that way before and how things had even turned out the way they were now in the first place.
Well, that last thing wasn't hard to figure out. He'd gotten caught up in his success in hockey and focused more on that than his insecurities as a boyfriend and a father. Truth to be told, now that he thought about it he couldn't blame Caroline for any of the choices that she'd made, including wanting to move to Toronto, because she'd been able to do something he hadn't. And that was to put family, Jamie, first. And that was definitely something he needed to change before that opportunity was lost.
Sidney's train of thought was interrupted by Caroline as she appeared by his elbow.
"What is it that's too important to discuss over the phone?"
She still hadn't looked at him and kept her gaze glued on where Jamie was playing with his uncles. Instead, Sid looked down at her.
"I want to apologize- no, I need to apologize, to both you and Jamie, for being such an ass. I've done the exact opposite of what I should have done, and I know that now."
This time Caroline looked up at him and pulled her cardigan tighter around her body, as if trying to shield off a cold wind. "Wow, finally the epiphany I've been waiting for, the sad thing is that it's five years too late. And I can't help but wonder if you're really serious this time or if it'll just be history repeating itself."
Sid met her eyes for a second and then looked down on the ground. "I'm serious, Caroline. I guess I've just had my head too far up my ass to really realize what I've been doing, how I've been hurting you and Jamie, and I don't wanna do that anymore."
"What brought this on? 'Cause I know that you didn't just magically realize this after a good couple of years," she said while still looking up at him.
"It was Flower actually. I tried to talk to him today after practise and he really handed it to me." Sidney met her eyes again and this time he didn't look away. "I know it's not going to be easy and I know that I don't deserve as many chances that you've given me, but will you let me try to make it up to you? The both of you?"
This time Caroline looked away, back over at Jamie who was currently going down the slide where he met up with Caroline's brothers at the bottom. After a sigh she answered, "You can try, but I'm not putting our lives on hold just for that. I'm not gonna stop overweighing the job offer in Toronto, and I'm not going to help you out either. You got yourself into this, you gotta get yourself out. But I'm not gonna stop you either," she gave him a slight smile before she grew serious again. "But don't you start thinking that I'm not still mad."
Sid held up his hands, nodding seriously. "Don't worry about that, I'm not my own biggest fan at the moment."
"Glad we agree on something," she retorted but there was a vague teasing tone in her voice.
The two of them stood there silently for a while, nobody noticing them and the sun warming their backs. A few times Sidney looked down at her and opened his mouth to say something and then closed it again. And a few times Caroline saw this from the corner of her eye but pretended not to notice. It wasn't until Jamie and his uncles started looking around for her that she spoke again.
"You're welcome to join us for dinner tonight, if you want to. I know that my parents would be happy to see you, can't say the same concerning my brothers though but they'd try for Jamie."
"I'd really like that, thanks."
They shared a look before Caroline walked back over to the jungle gym where Jamie was. Sid stood there for another minute and then started walking in the direction of his car, his heart feeling slightly lighter. But only slightly.
♠ ♠ ♠
Caroline and Jamie