Status: Done :)
Letters to Tammy
Letter 9
Dear Tammy,
I am enjoying myself Tammy; I didn't think I would ever write those words again. In Alejandro’s company, the sadness ebbs away so much that life feels bearable again. Even the nightmares are not as bad as before, I could feel myself slowly recovering. I know it has to do with the dream the first night he left me after my melt down. That was one month ago Tammy, I never told you the dream through, it must have temporarily slipped my mind. I will just tell you about it now.
Jason’s green eyes gleamed at me, a sweet smile on his face. You stood beside him, your eyes glistening at me as well. You were both so happy to see me, and I was over the moon to see you both. I wanted you both to linger, so I could hug, kiss and hold you both. The two parts missing from my whole, I am one third of who I used to be without you both. You two only spoke one sentence to me, you told me it was okay to move on. Then you were gone, I was left to mull over your words. The next day Ale, asked me out on a date, and I said yes.
Isn't funny what the mind does to cope with situations Tammy? I am still amazed that I had that dream with both of you. I know that I subconsciously gave myself permission to give Alejandro a shot, and trust me Tammy I haven’t regretted one moment of it so far. We already have a comfortable rhythm to us, as if we have been seeing each other for few years not a few weeks. He seems to just know how to handle my emotions, my constant tears, and ramblings of you. He never once complains about me being a downer, he just comforts me.
My favorite thing that he does is when he lightly brushes my hair from my face before kissing me. I am blushing just thinking about that simple yet sweet gesture. He is fitting so well into my life; I guess that’s not hard when there were so many holes his presence could take the place of. Can believe he is two years older than me and has never been with a woman? He said he is waiting for marriage and that just hasn't happened yet. I told you I wasn't the only one who thought like that. He is so sweet Tammy, and funny. His intelligence is so incredible that even I feel like I need to look up words he uses in everyday language. I love that about him, I mean adore, I adore that about him. Let’s not get to ahead of ourselves there Tammy. No need to rush things.
His laugh is so dreamy Tammy; oh look at me going off like I am a school girl again. Besides Alejandro, works has been great. My boss is so impressed with me that he gave me another raise and is talking about making me his partner! Can you believe that? I knew that my six years working for him wouldn't go to waste, partners! I was so blown away! Of course when he offers it formal, I plan on accepting and taking a trip back home to celebrate with our parents. I am so thrilled; I can’t even begin to explain. Life has really taken a turn for the best for me Tammy. Though I wish you could be here to enjoy it with me, I have adjusted more to your absence. It isn't that it is any easier, just familiar I guess. I am used to the ache your death has left, that is more than familiar, what we share feels almost intimate. Like this grief has become my only friend, waking me up in the place of you. That’s why I appreciate Alejandro so much, because he doesn't push me to get over your death, just to deal with it.
I recount to him the times we have shared together. I am trying so hard to preserve all of our years of friendship in his mind too. That way if anything happens, he can always remind me of you. The way your laugh once sounded, the way you wore your hair, how your eyes looked like thunder clouds before you cried angry tears. He even encourages me to do the same with Jason, to talk about how being in love with him felt. How could one man be so selfless? Instead of running from my tarnished past he embraces it and attempts to clean off the dirt so I could see the good of it more clearly. I hope this works out Tammy, from the bottom of my broken heart; I hope that he and I have a bright future.
Almost Happy,
Sammy
P.S: I could see myself falling in love with him Tammy. I really can. So much for not rushing things.
I am enjoying myself Tammy; I didn't think I would ever write those words again. In Alejandro’s company, the sadness ebbs away so much that life feels bearable again. Even the nightmares are not as bad as before, I could feel myself slowly recovering. I know it has to do with the dream the first night he left me after my melt down. That was one month ago Tammy, I never told you the dream through, it must have temporarily slipped my mind. I will just tell you about it now.
Jason’s green eyes gleamed at me, a sweet smile on his face. You stood beside him, your eyes glistening at me as well. You were both so happy to see me, and I was over the moon to see you both. I wanted you both to linger, so I could hug, kiss and hold you both. The two parts missing from my whole, I am one third of who I used to be without you both. You two only spoke one sentence to me, you told me it was okay to move on. Then you were gone, I was left to mull over your words. The next day Ale, asked me out on a date, and I said yes.
Isn't funny what the mind does to cope with situations Tammy? I am still amazed that I had that dream with both of you. I know that I subconsciously gave myself permission to give Alejandro a shot, and trust me Tammy I haven’t regretted one moment of it so far. We already have a comfortable rhythm to us, as if we have been seeing each other for few years not a few weeks. He seems to just know how to handle my emotions, my constant tears, and ramblings of you. He never once complains about me being a downer, he just comforts me.
My favorite thing that he does is when he lightly brushes my hair from my face before kissing me. I am blushing just thinking about that simple yet sweet gesture. He is fitting so well into my life; I guess that’s not hard when there were so many holes his presence could take the place of. Can believe he is two years older than me and has never been with a woman? He said he is waiting for marriage and that just hasn't happened yet. I told you I wasn't the only one who thought like that. He is so sweet Tammy, and funny. His intelligence is so incredible that even I feel like I need to look up words he uses in everyday language. I love that about him, I mean adore, I adore that about him. Let’s not get to ahead of ourselves there Tammy. No need to rush things.
His laugh is so dreamy Tammy; oh look at me going off like I am a school girl again. Besides Alejandro, works has been great. My boss is so impressed with me that he gave me another raise and is talking about making me his partner! Can you believe that? I knew that my six years working for him wouldn't go to waste, partners! I was so blown away! Of course when he offers it formal, I plan on accepting and taking a trip back home to celebrate with our parents. I am so thrilled; I can’t even begin to explain. Life has really taken a turn for the best for me Tammy. Though I wish you could be here to enjoy it with me, I have adjusted more to your absence. It isn't that it is any easier, just familiar I guess. I am used to the ache your death has left, that is more than familiar, what we share feels almost intimate. Like this grief has become my only friend, waking me up in the place of you. That’s why I appreciate Alejandro so much, because he doesn't push me to get over your death, just to deal with it.
I recount to him the times we have shared together. I am trying so hard to preserve all of our years of friendship in his mind too. That way if anything happens, he can always remind me of you. The way your laugh once sounded, the way you wore your hair, how your eyes looked like thunder clouds before you cried angry tears. He even encourages me to do the same with Jason, to talk about how being in love with him felt. How could one man be so selfless? Instead of running from my tarnished past he embraces it and attempts to clean off the dirt so I could see the good of it more clearly. I hope this works out Tammy, from the bottom of my broken heart; I hope that he and I have a bright future.
Almost Happy,
Sammy
P.S: I could see myself falling in love with him Tammy. I really can. So much for not rushing things.