Status: Done :)
Letters to Tammy
A Letter to Tammy
I sat with my legs crossed on the floor rereading the letters my mother wrote to my aunt Tammy. The one marked 278 on top making me pause in my quest. The bitter-sweetness of it making me feel so many emotions at once it was overwhelming. I wish, once again, I could have known the woman whose namesake I carried. My mother walks in, glowing with a happy look and I once again wondered what she must have looked like when my aunt died. It has been twenty five years since my parents married, making it 27 years since she passed. I picked up a blank paper and a pen, biting the cap a bit before deciding to write.
Dear Aunt Tammy,
Your entire lifetime has gone by since you have been by my mother’s side. Mom sits next to me and sighs while she places a new letter on the top of the pile of letters to you. She has never stopped writing to you Auntie Tammy, never. She wrote me a letter too, it all about why I am named after you and what you mean to her. Even death could not quench the love she still has for you. I wonder to myself how often she thinks about you, or how much she still misses you. Maybe when she gets that far off distant look of hers she is somewhere with you, reliving the most precious moments you two shared. I am sure you were a huge part of who my mother is today because there are times when daddy says she laughs the way she said you would laugh. Mommy says she perfected her pout because of how much you pouted to get her to stop working. I am sure you would be pleased to know she stopped being so addicted to work after she married my dad. She said her number one job since then was to do her best to pick up the pieces and be a good wife. I wonder if she is still picking up the pieces that your death left behind. I wonder if she will always be picking up pieces until she herself is laid to rest. I guess I will always wonder over things like that but I will never have the courage to ask her. I never want to make her relive any of that pain. Well I am not really sure what else so say, so maybe I will try again next time.
A loving stranger/niece,
Tammy
My mother peers over my shoulder and smiled, “I am so happy that you decided to write to your aunt, maybe when I am gone you will keep her posted on your life for me.”
She kissed my forehead and her eyes slightly glazed over. I knew she was fighting back tears, I knew that she will never stop fighting back the tears. It was all the results of her sister’s early death. Daddy sat next to her on the couch, putting his arm around her shoulder and she smiled. She leaned her head into his chest and hummed a song to herself. I got up and went to my room for the very last time, I was so nervous about moving out but I thought twenty was a good age to start out on my own. I had a text message from my very best friend on my phone.
‘I can’t wait to move in together tomorrow.’
‘I can’t wait either.’
In that moment I thought of my aunt again and how close her and my mom were. I couldn't imagine my life without my best friend. I pretty sure that would be the worse thing to deal with, my heart ached for my mother in that moment. So I closed my eyes and threw myself on my bed, hearing the ghost laughter of a woman I will never know.
Dear Aunt Tammy,
Your entire lifetime has gone by since you have been by my mother’s side. Mom sits next to me and sighs while she places a new letter on the top of the pile of letters to you. She has never stopped writing to you Auntie Tammy, never. She wrote me a letter too, it all about why I am named after you and what you mean to her. Even death could not quench the love she still has for you. I wonder to myself how often she thinks about you, or how much she still misses you. Maybe when she gets that far off distant look of hers she is somewhere with you, reliving the most precious moments you two shared. I am sure you were a huge part of who my mother is today because there are times when daddy says she laughs the way she said you would laugh. Mommy says she perfected her pout because of how much you pouted to get her to stop working. I am sure you would be pleased to know she stopped being so addicted to work after she married my dad. She said her number one job since then was to do her best to pick up the pieces and be a good wife. I wonder if she is still picking up the pieces that your death left behind. I wonder if she will always be picking up pieces until she herself is laid to rest. I guess I will always wonder over things like that but I will never have the courage to ask her. I never want to make her relive any of that pain. Well I am not really sure what else so say, so maybe I will try again next time.
A loving stranger/niece,
Tammy
My mother peers over my shoulder and smiled, “I am so happy that you decided to write to your aunt, maybe when I am gone you will keep her posted on your life for me.”
She kissed my forehead and her eyes slightly glazed over. I knew she was fighting back tears, I knew that she will never stop fighting back the tears. It was all the results of her sister’s early death. Daddy sat next to her on the couch, putting his arm around her shoulder and she smiled. She leaned her head into his chest and hummed a song to herself. I got up and went to my room for the very last time, I was so nervous about moving out but I thought twenty was a good age to start out on my own. I had a text message from my very best friend on my phone.
‘I can’t wait to move in together tomorrow.’
‘I can’t wait either.’
In that moment I thought of my aunt again and how close her and my mom were. I couldn't imagine my life without my best friend. I pretty sure that would be the worse thing to deal with, my heart ached for my mother in that moment. So I closed my eyes and threw myself on my bed, hearing the ghost laughter of a woman I will never know.