I've Got Your Picture.

I lay there awake at 3:00am. Awake and alone, the cool sheets of my bunk making me shiver. I turn onto my back and take my phone from underneath my pillow, clicking the home button. As I type in my password, I smile at the photo of Jack and I.

Jack was definitely my best friend; no doubt about it. I love the whole band, don’t get me wrong. But Jack and I share a special connection; one that cannot be shared with Zack or Rian, or even Matt. Jack tells me everything, just as I tell him everything.

I clicked my photos and started to scroll upwards slowly, seeing all of the photos go by. Most of them are of Jack and I. This is not unusual. His phone consists of these exact pictures. A smile plays across my face as I look at the pictures, playing the memories of each in my head one by one.

This one, I remember it clearly. Rian had my phone and he was supposedly playing Temple Run. Jack had walked in the lounge area and sat down on my lap. He nuzzled his nose into my cheek and smiled. We did that a lot. I turned my head to touch my nose to his and there was a flash of light. We looked over to a grinning Rian. “Hey,” Jack got up, feigning anger. “you fucker.”

I laughed at the memory. Jack was adorable. As I continued to scroll, the smile on my face faded. These are the older photos, the ones of Ivy and I. Ivy was my ex. She was tall with blue eyes and dark, long hair. She told me she loved me the day I took this photo. I thought I loved her back, I really did.

But that was before Jack had told me what she’d done. It was the day after and I was in the back lounge with Jack. We were watching Home Alone. He suddenly pulled away from me, and my head that was once resting on his shoulder flopped down. “Ouch.” I had said. Jack game me an apologetic look, but it soon disappeared. I have him a weird look.

“Where’s Ivy today, Alex?” I shrugged. Today was our day off and our bus was parked in a stranded parking lot. There was a mall not too far away in the nearby town, though. “Just at the mall she said. Meeting up with some friends.” He frowned. “Is that what she told you?” I nodded.

I remember Jack looking away, breathing deeply before looking at me with sad eyes.

“Alex, she’s cheating on you.”

At the time I didn’t believe it. I shoved Jack’s shoulder, shouting at him.

“Don’t talk about her like that! Who are you to say these things? How would you know, are you the one she’s cheating on me with?” he gave me an exasperated look. “Hell no, bro. Just trust me.” I shook my head. “No, prove it to me.”

“How do you want me to do that? I don’t have photographic evidence. The evidence is in here.” He had said, pointing to his head. We were both yelling then. “Remember when we were on break? I went over to yours, expecting you to be there. I used the key you gave me to get in.”

I remember clenching my fists, ready to punch him. “I walked into your room, Alex. When I got there, it wasn’t you I fucking saw. It was Ivy and her ex.” I calmed myself. Jack grabbed my hands. “Please believe me Alex.” I pulled my hands away sharply. “Don’t touch me. You’re lying, Jack. You’re probably just jealous. You’re in love with her aren’t you?” he shook his head frantically. “No-“

“Or better yet, I bet you’re in love with me!” He slowly shut his mouth, opening it again but saying nothing. “Yeah, I knew it. Stay the fuck away from me. I’m sick of your games.”

That was the worst memory I’ve ever had. I don’t know what had gotten into me. It’s not like I meant any of it. I had tried to apologize so many times. I remember hearing Jack cry every night because of my stupidity. The rest of the photos of Ivy and I were lifeless. My smiles meant nothing in them. The kisses meant nothing. The words I had said previous to the photos meant nothing.

As I scrolled, more of the photos were of Jack and I, and less of Ivy. This is when Jack finally forgave me. Ivy started to get jealous that I was spending all my time with Jack. She got so pissed at me. I look at the photo of Jack and I; the one where we’re walking hand in hand down the beach, the one Zack took. That day Ivy was nowhere to be seen, not that I noticed much.

Later that day, Ivy showed up. I kissed her hello and she smiled. But there was something different about it. I had shrugged it off and followed her to the sofa. She picked up my phone to move it out of the way, but stopped. “What’s this?” she had asked. I gave her a confused look. “What?” she turned the phone around and I saw the photo and laughed. “What?” I had asked again. She threw my phone onto the sofa harshly.

“What is going on with you and that little fag?” I gasped. “What has gotten into you?” I asked. She laughed bitterly. “You’re fucking the queer aren’t you?”

“We’re best friends, Ivy. We do that stuff all the time, holding hands I mean. Half the time you’re with us. It didn’t seem to bother you then.” She shook her head. “Fuck it. I’m cheating on you with Brent.” I stood there, unmoving. I felt gentle hands being placed on my arms. I turned around to see Jack. “I’m packing. I’m leaving, Alex. You weren’t good enough for me, and now I know why.” She said as she brushed past Jack and I. He hugged me close and I cried into his chest. “I’m so sorry.” I whispered. He shushed me and hugged me tighter.

That was when I decided that whatever Jack told me, I’d believe. I’ve had girlfriends on and off since, and Jack was always there for me when the relationships didn’t go well.

I look at the time on my phone and see the time switch from 3:50am to 3:51am. I lock my phone and stick it under my pillow once again. For some reason, my sheets are still cold. I roll onto my side, facing the curtain. I can hear Jack make the small noises he does as he sleeps. I sigh. Lately I’ve been having trouble sleeping. I’ve been going into Jack’s bunk more and more often, it seems.

Last week was when I started to join him more frequently. I remember how I crawled into his bunk and he turned to face me. “You okay?” he had asked. I nodded against his arm. “Trouble sleeping again?” I nodded once more and he pulled the covers over me. “Go to sleep, it’s okay.” I smiled and wrapped my arm around his waist. “Love you Lex.” I yawned and replied with an “I love you too.”

Since then, I’ve been going to his bunk every night. Tonight was no different. I quietly got up and slid out of my bed. I pulled his curtain back and saw his face buried in his pillow, his hair splayed across it. “Jack.” I whisper. He scrunches his nose the tiniest bit. “Jacky, please.” He opens his eyes slowly. “What babe?” his sleepy voice sent chills down my spine. I pout, trying not to cry. I hate having to come to him every night to feel better.

He slides over, allowing me to get in. I do so and sigh at the warmth. “Your bunk is always way warmer than mine,” I say. “I like it.” He wraps his arm around the back of my head and I rest my head on it, cuddling into his side. He makes sure the blanket is over us both and sighs, his breath hitting the top of my head. “You’ll be okay.” I nodded. “I love you Lexy.”

“Love you too Jay.”

“No, I LOVE you. A lot. I have for a long time.” I smile and cuddle into him further, nuzzling my nose into his neck, not saying a word. “Good night Alex.”

*the next morning*

I woke up to and empty, cold bed. I frown as I sit up. I pulled the covers away and pulled the curtain back, getting up on my feet and making my way to the kitchen. “Jack.” He looks at me and smiled.

“Hi.” He pours me some coffee and hands me the mug. “Mornin’.” I say. He sips his coffee and giggles. “Mornin’. Your hair’s a mess.” I reach up and flatten my hair. “No, stop. It’s cute.” I blush.
“About last night I didn’t-“ he started, but I cut him off. “No. I heard what you said. And Jack…?” he gives me and expectant look, waiting for me to continue, but looking nervous too. I move in closer so that my nose is touching his lightly. “I love you too.”

All this time I didn’t realize the butterflies I got whenever he was around, or whenever he cuddled with me was because I loved him. I didn’t realize it was why I felt so much better when I slept with him. I loved Jack, and there was no denying it. Am I gay? I don’t know. All I know is that I love Jack. Jack Barakat, my best friend. The love of my life.

He smiled and wraps his arms around my waist. I stroked his cheek with my right hand. “I have waited forever to hear you say those words, and mean them in the way I do.” He says quietly. I wrapped my arms around his neck and lean my head upwards a bit. He brings his head down and touches his lips to mine. I felt the spark. It shocked me. I’ve never felt like this kissing anyone else, ever.

I kiss him back, our bare chests an inch apart. As he was about to deepen it, we heard giggles. We pulled apart to see Zack and Rian with their phones out, looking at the pictures they just took. “Finally!” Rian said. “Rian, you ass!” Jack yells, running after Rian. I shake my head and raise my eyebrows at Zack.

“What? We gotta capture every moment. But finally, we got the missing photo. Now all that’s left is your wedding photo.” He said the last part seriously. I blushed as he walked away. Jack came back in, breathing heavily. “Those two are something.” He said. I laughed and hugged him. “I love you Jack.”

I love you too Lex.”