Between Love and Hate.

“I still don’t understand why I have to do this” I whispered, looking around at the rest of the people sitting in the waiting room. “It smells in here” I continued and crossed my arms over my chest.

Larissa gave me a sideways glance, looking up from an outdated gossip magazine. “Because you’re a grown up now” She smiled sarcastically.

I was sitting in a walk-in family planning clinic. Larissa had managed to drag me down here because she wanted me to discuss some form or contraception with a nurse but all I could think was that I’m sitting in a room full of pregnant teenagers and people who think they may have an STI.

“I think you should get the implant – like me” She carried on, closing the magazine. “It last for three years, you don’t have to remember to take it… and we all know that you’re forgetful-“

I had to agree with that “I am forgetful. But cant I just use condoms?”

She nodded “Yeah you can still use them and have the implant. Double up. No babies for you”

“Miss Botwin?” A male nurse had walked into the waiting room holding a chart. I stood up and smiled politely.

“Come this way” He tilted his head and I followed, hearing Larissa’s footsteps behind me.

When we got into the room, It smelled clean which calmed me a little. I had imagined some sort of bed with stains on it and mildew up the walls. I took a seat and before I could open my mouth – Larissa spoke.

“Lauren needs to get some sort of birth control. She’s just got her first boyfriend and I think its going to start getting… physical”

The nurse laughed at my reaction when I turned and gave her ‘the look’. “Okay” He spoke and started jotting things down. “And what kind of contraception were you thinking about?”

“The implant?” I looked at Larissa, now wishing she would speak for me.

“Okay” He pulled open a drawer and took out a medi-bag that had a small white tube in it. “It is a really easy procedure and it only takes a few minutes. What we do is insert this under the skin on the inside of your arm and then that’s it for 3 years”

“That’s it?” I asked and he handed it to me to study. “Should I?” I looked at Larissa for approval. She held out her arm and pressed on the place where she had hers.

“You can barely feel it” She smiled. “It doesn’t hurt much either”

“Lets do it”

Hours later I was sitting in my bed and prodding at the bruising on my arm. It was tender but nothing too bad. I jumped out of my skin when the doorbell rang. My mother answered it and I heard someone walking up the stairs two by two.

“Sup, sweetie?” Felix shrugged his coat off of his shoulders and hung it over my chair. “what happened?” He frowned and sat next to me on the bed. He held my arm and inspected it closer.

“I got an implant” I said dully. “And feel tired and shitty”

“Implant? Like the birth control one?” He raised an eyebrow and moved his arm behind me, pulling me into a cuddle.

“Yeah. Larissa talked me into it” I felt stiff but then his scent hit me and I allowed my head to rest on his shoulder. My lips were just brushing his neck and I could feel his pulse.

“It’s worth it, I guess” He looked again. “looks pretty brutal though. I should probably get you ice cream for being a brave girl”

I smiled and laughed a little bit, pulling away to look at his face for the first time. I liked it when he was in a good mood and wandered weather it had something to do with his dad being away.

“You want some ice cream?” He cooed, placing his hands on both of my cheeks and smushing them together to make my lips pout out. “Yeah? Ice cream?” He carried on.

I blushed and pushed his chest away. “Okay, Ice cream”

“Get your coat, it’s a little cold outside” He said and jumped off the bed to grab his own. He walked out of the room with his coat and bounded downstairs where I could hear him asking my mums permission. Is he serious?

We arrived at the ice cream store just as it began to rain and Felix told me to go and sit down while he ordered. I did so and watched him as he pointed at numerous flavours of ice cream and sauces and eventually came to the table with two sundaes and two hot chocolates on a tray.

“I hope you like all of the flavours cause that’s what I got” He said and placed the two glasses in the middle of the table. He handed me a long spoon and smiled.

“I like all of the flavours” I tried to be lady like as I ate and then looked across the table into his eyes when both of his feet moved to the outsides of mine.

“Can I ask you something?” I asked and then spooned ice cream into my mouth.

He nodded and did the same.

“Is this some sort of game?”

He swallowed and shook his head. “Is what some sort of game?”

“This whole… relationship thing”

“No” He said after a moment of silence. “Is it for you?”

“It’s just that-“ I tried to explain but he cut me off.

“I know I’m crazy, by the way” He said and then reached for my hand. “I know that. And I know I’m erratic and spontaneous in the worst ways but I think that you can handle that” He said, a little hushed.

“I can but-“

He cut me off again. “You think I could get away with doing what I do to you with any other person at school?” He raised an eyebrow. “With out them calling the police?”

“No” I said honestly. “But is that the only reason? Because you cant do it to anyone else?”

He shook his head and held up a luminous orange ice cream to my lips. “No that’s not the only reason” He began. “You’re sweet, you’re not trying to be any one else for anyone… not to mention that we used to be pretty good friends” He shrugged his shoulder. “And you’re pretty beautiful”

I almost choked on the spoon full of ice cream and my cheeks must have gone a crimson red.

“You take compliments so well” He chuckled and moved his chair so that he was on the same side as me. He wrapped his arm around my waste and kissed my burning cheek. “Pretty girl”