Between Love and Hate.

I giggled as we walked up to my house, hand in hand and soaked to the bone. His nose was nuzzling into my neck and his hands were trying to get up my shirt. His fingertips were freezing and brushing my stomach.

“Who’s car is that?” I asked as we walked up my driveway.

He laughed, shaking his head to get the water out. “I don’t know, it’s your house”

I laughed with him and let us into the house. “Mum? Were drenched!” I shouted, taking my coat off and hanging it by the door, I walked through to the kitchen where I could smell a cloud of smoke. “Mum?” I said as I walked through.

My high was bought down to earth when I looked into a pair of eyes that were exactly the same as mine.

“Hey cupcake” The man said. He looked gaunt and dirty.

“Hi” I looked from him to Mum who looked as angry as I felt.

“Do you have a towel?” Felix spoke as he walked in but silenced when he saw who was sitting at the table. “What the hell?”

“I was in the city… I thought I’d come see if you guys still lived here” The man explained and stood up. He walked towards me and held his arms out. “How about a hug? You’re so grown up”

I looked at him and then to mum. “What is he doing here?”

She shook her head. “He came to visit”

“So?” I looked back at him. “You’re about fifteen years over-due” I said and backed away from him, my back hit Felix’s chest and his hands placed themselves on my hips protectively.

The man put his arms down and then scratched the back of his head. “I know, sweetheart”

My mind felt cloudy and I felt like hitting him at the same time as cuddling him and telling him how much he sucked for not being here.

“I needed you” I tell him, my voice getting dangerously tight as I felt the ball swell in my throat. “I fucking needed a father!”

He looked to the ground and then back to me, his own eyes were watering.

“And you fucked off, like a prick!”

“shh” Felix held my hips tighter and I dismissively pushed him away.

“You should just leave, you’re no good here. Mum’s already bought me up, I’m nearly an adult so there’s nothing for you to do”

“Lauren” Felix warned, “you’re upset. Let’s go upstairs for a little while and calm down”

“Oh, fuck off, Felix” I hissed and walked out of the kitchen. “Go away, both of you” In my head all I could think of was how dare he come back after all this time and how fucking dare Felix tell me to calm down. I had every right to be fuming.

I slammed the door to my room but heard the gentle rap of my mums knuckles soon after. “Honey, can I come in?”

“What ever” I grumbled, sitting at the end of my bed.

“I know you’re angry” She came to sit next to me “I am too, believe me. But he only wants to get to know you now. I kicked him out around an hour ago and he waited on the doorstep. I couldn’t let him sit out in the rain so I let him back in”

“Get to know me? If he hadn’t left he would know me already”

“You don’t have to tell me that. I felt like punching him in the face when I answered the door to him”

“So has he got another family now?” I asked after a moment.

“No” She shook her head. “Well, he told me he was in a relationship but it had gone south”

“Right”

“Felix is still downstairs I think. You want me to send him up?”

I shook my head “No… But tell him to call me later. Can you send dad up?”

She nodded and kissed the top of my head. “Sure honey” She stopped at the door. “Just out of interest. When is Felix’s father home?”

I shrugged my shoulders. “I thought tomorrow”

She nodded and I heard her go downstairs before my father came up and I broke down in tears when he came to sit next to me. His arms fit perfectly around me and his voice was so soothing.

We spent the night talking about school, about what I wanted to do after school. He told me he lived a on the other side of the country and had a house by the sea. He told me about his dog, and how he has spent the last ten years clean and still attends meetings at his local AA to be a sponsor. He asked about Felix and I avoided it at al cost and then finally at about 3am he put his coat on and left, leaving me all of his details and telling me to call him if I ever wanted to vacation somewhere warm.

I opened my window and lit up a cigarette, looking across the street I could see Felix sitting on his porch looking up at me. He smiled and pulled out his phone, tapping away before looking up at me again. I picked up my own phone as it vibrated and read the message on the screen. “Are you still angry? Xx”

I tapped in a message “Sorry for snapping at you xx”

“I don’t think a sorry is going to cut it. Can you sneak over? Xx”

I saw a smirk on his face and felt my exhaustion turn into excitement “I’ll come in ten xx”

“Naughty girl” He simply replied and stood up and went into the house, leaving to door open

I found five minutes to take a quick shower and put on some make up then found a skirt and a jumper and headed over, closing the door so quietly behind me. I walked into the house and saw Felix sitting on the sofa watching the TV.

“Come here and bend over” He patted the coffee table and stood up.

“What?” I blushed and hung my coat on the hook by the door.

“Come stand here. Then bend over with your hands on the table” He spoke clearly.

I felt my heart pound in my chest as I did as he told. I placed my hands on the wooden surface and watched his feet move behind me. He moved my feet further apart with his own and then ran his fingers up the backs of my thighs and pushed my skirt up above my behind.

“You told me to fuck off” He mentioned and tickled his fingers across the skin on my bottom.

“Sorry” I said and bit my lip. Suddenly his hand came crashing down on my skin, making a sound that echoed through the house. I gasped and stood up straight, rubbing my behind with my hand. He put his hands around my waste and pulled me tightly towards him. “Don’t ever tell me to fuck off again or you’ll get so much more than that” He growled and then pressed his lips to mine.

He started walking towards the stairs, his lips still attached to mine and fumbling with my jumper as he tried to pull it over my head. He finally managed but at the same time I fell backwards, and plopped down onto the stairs while we were only halfway up.

This didn’t seem to bother him as he threw the clothing over the banister and pushed my skirt back up above my hips. He pressed kissed down my chest and onto my breasts through my bra. I whimpered impatiently as I reached down to tackle his belt. He grabbed both my hands and held them to the step above me. As the other one worked on moving my underwear passed my knees and off of my legs.

He let go of my hands and moved his now free hand down between my legs, finding the little nub there and circling it with his middle finger. I let out an involuntary moan as my body relaxed to his touch and felt his fingers move to my opening. He pressed his finger into my, so slightly and then back to my clitoris.

“Felix, I’m ready”

He chuckled and shook his head, bringing his lips to my neck as he continued the same pattern over and over again, teasing my entrance with his fingers and making me crave his body to enter mine and fill me.

“Please” I whispered, beginning to hate him, I moved my hands back to his belt, wriggling away every time he tried to stop me and eventually undoing the belt and the buttons.

“I’m not fucking you tonight” His voice was shaking as he spoke. My hand moved up and down the length of it, feeling his arousal spread over the tip.

“Why?” I asked, both of us desperately playing with each other as our breath got heavier and heavier.

“Cause I said so” He moaned slightly as I moved him until he was pressed against my entrance. I felt my inner sex goddess spark into life and I moved my hands around to his behind, trying to pull him inside. He looked down between our bodies and just gave in, letting his length slowly enter me.

I gasped and my nails dug into his skin as I felt a sharp pain inside me. “Stop” I whispered.