Cracks in Reality

I sat at the dinner table antsy like crazy; I couldn't keep my feet still. The sealed letter was searing into my jean pocket begging to be opened. My parents finally lifted their heads from grace and began to eat. I knew that soon they would ask me about my day and I would tell them my plans. I looked across the table at Nicky (who invited himself over) and Dixie. They looked too calm for me at the moment, so I looked away quickly. My foot tapped as my parents dragged on about their work day, giving loving and supportive gazes at each other while they spoke. When I finally thought I would get to speak they started asking a million and one questions to Nicky. All which were answered in a leisurely manner by Nicky himself.

“How do you guys know each other?” The female parental unit asked (not calling her mom, yet.)

“He was in our group home.” I rushed the words out, cutting Nicky off. “I got my piercings done by him.”

“Oh how nice.” Dad said (yes, I am already a sucker for him.)

“Umm not to be rude or anything but I have something I have been dying to say.” I forced myself not to blurt anymore than that.

“Oh, go ahead honey.” Mother (is that better?) said.

“I have a friend in Montana,” I hate calling James just a mere friend, “I am driving out to go see this friend tomorrow morning. Is that okay?”

I added the last part for it to seem more respectful, but in all honesty whether they thought it was okay or not, I was going. My parents briefly exchanged worried looks.

“Sweetie, that’s a very long drive.” Mother pursed her lips.

“Your mother is right, so I will book you a flight instead sweetheart. If it’s that urgent that you see this friend I will book it for tonight if I can. The condition is your sister and Nicky have to go with you. I don’t like the thought of you out there alone. So them tagging along will make this easier for me." He sighed. "I will make sure to give you money for a rental car. Where exactly does this friend live?”

“Kalispell, Montana.”

“I will go find the information for you now.” I beamed at my dad, you have to love that he is wrapped around my finger. “Well go on, start packing,” he rushed me back into my room.

I raced to my room and slammed the door shut, not bothering to lock it. (Who has time to lock doors in a moment like this anyway?) I pulled the letter out of me pocket and smile. Finally I will be able to read it. I tore open the back and pulled out the two sheets of paper, I closed my eyes for a moment. My heart raced, this was it, and I was going to read the words of my James. I open my eyes and take a deep breath.

‘My dearest Ruby,

I hope desperately that this letter reaches you; I want nothing more than for these sheets of paper to be resting in the warmth of your hands. The very hands I have daydreamed about holding every day since I can remember. Most people would say, "You mean the world to me" but the world means nothing to me compared to you. I spend every waking hour wishing to be asleep and be with you again. I pray every second that you are out there in the world feeling the same. My life has consisted of two things, loving you and missing you. I prefer the former. I think what hurts the most is wondering if you are real. If I will ever get the chance to hold you in my arms and tell you how much you mean to me. I hope the address you gave me was real, and that you did not just write down whatever came to mind mocking the idea of me existing. I wish I could have gone to see you instead, shown up on my hog in front of your school. I would hear all the chatter float around me until my eyes would land on you. I know that once my eyes would land on yours the world would go silent. I would watch your beautiful face go from disbelief, to shock to pure joy in the matter of seconds.

Maybe you aren't real and my letter is reaching the empty planes of nowhere, or falls into someone else hands. Just the thought makes my heart tear a bit, I don't want to know a world without you. Regardless my love for you will not change Rubidium Quinn Clark, I like the ring of that, don’t you? I could imagine your smile as you read that last line, the blushes that roses up them pretty cheeks of yours. I can see the way your eyes glow with a deep love for me, I can see it all as if you were right here with me right now. How I wish you were right here with me right now.

Ruby, if you are real like I hope you are, if you are reading this please write me back. I want to know that you saw my love letter, that you smiled, and that my heart can be whole just by knowing that I have a chance to one day be with you. I wish I had a number to give to you, but I never had a cell phone and mama and pops cut off the house phone for a bit. Tired of getting those crank calls I was telling you about a few nights ago. So instead I have to wait for you to write me, who knows how long that could take. At least I will keep seeing you in my dreams Ruby, and I will always be waiting, waiting for the day the letter comes to my house with your name on it. I will wait till I am gray headed and wasting away because I have built my life around you and I don’t ever plan on changing that. Even if they say I am crazy. I will spend my life in a coma if it means I could see you always, with no interruptions.

So I am going to wait for your response because I know that it is coming. I just know it because if it isn't that what am I living for?

Love,
Your Country Boy James

P.S: I sent along some pictures of me too. I hope you like them.’

I pulled out three glossy pictures of the man who I thought once only lived in my imagination. His eyes were bright as he smiled out at me in the first one. I looked at his mouth curled the way it does before a laugh and I knew whatever he was doing he had a great time. The next picture is of him getting the tattoo, a toothy grin as the needle pressed against his skin. The final picture was of him shirtless with a cowboy hat, riding a horse, a serious look in his face. My heart started to pound and I ran my hand across his body.

“James,” I whispered to no one.

“Is that him?” Dixie made me jump out of my skin. “Man is he a looker.” She took the pictures from my hand and smiled.

An instant feeling of the possessive nature caused me to snatch the pictures away from her. I tucked them lovingly back into the enveloped trying to hide my embarrassment from the reaction I just had. Dixie just laughed it off and said she was all packed, that dad booked us out there for a week at the Holiday inn in the town. She told me the shortest flight to Montana was ten hours with a layover in settle. I tried to hide my frustration by this fact. I was grateful that at least we would be leaving at 9 pm tonight. I begged Dixie to pack my cutest clothes for me, even the dresses I never wore. I wanted to look my very best for James. I must have shocked her because she froze for a second before grinning like crazy.

As Dixie picked through my closet, Nicky came in and sat on my bed.

“So how did you meet mister gorgeous?” Dixie said tossing my black lace dress on the bed along with some strappy heels. “I never saw him at the home before.”

I knew it was time to reveal my secret.

“I met him when I was three. . .” I forced myself to finish our story. “In my dream, and I have been seeing him in my dreams ever since. So that’s about 14 years now. Yeah, it was a day after I turned three when I met him and I turned 17 yesterday, so 14 years.”

“Wow, that’s romantic.” Dixie smiled, while Nick laughed like crazy on my bed.

I took off my shoe and threw it at him.

“I am sorry Rubz,” he sputtered undaunted by my shoe, “but it’s just weird to me, that’s all. How did you even know he was real?”

“I didn't, not until today anyway.” I glared at him, daring him to laugh again.

He just shrugged, and caught the pair of pink chucks, Dixie had brought for me, as they flew in his direction. I am sure; she just wants to see me finally wear them, that is why they were being included. Or maybe, she just wanted to hit Nicky for laughing at me. It was probably a bit of both.

She started to talk about Montana. She talked about the weather being in the sixties out there, she said there are two high schools out there. Glacier high school and Flathead high school, blabbed about how seniors get out at one so when we arrive tomorrow we could surprise him at school. (She really did her research.) My stomach clenched, with those words, I would really be seeing him tomorrow.

“He goes to Glacier High; I remember telling him to go there because the name was cooler then Flathead.” I smiled at the memory of him laugh at my lame pun. “I have to sleep on the plane; I have to let him know I got his letter.”

No one said anything about how crazy my statement must have sounded. Dixie just kept tossing outfits on the bed. Nicky started singing rock songs, while doing an air guitar solo. I just laughed at them both, joining Nicky in the jam session while Dixie rolled her eyes at us. When my dad popped his head in and said we had to go, Dixie had finished packing and we were pow wowed on the floor playing truth or dare.

Nicky took our bags to the car and Dad gave me his spare credit card, the one that conveniently had my name on it. He told Nicky to buy himself some clothes out there, not to worry about anything. I didn't bother asking what they had my limit was I knew I wouldn't like the answer. We drove in silence to the airport and butterflies filled my stomach the closer we got. By the time we pulled up to the terminal I felt like I was going to throw up.

My parents demanded, in a loving way, that we call them with every move we make. As they hugged us all good-bye and wished us a safe trip. I was sure the only reason they were allowing me to make this trip is because they knew I would go anyway. I am sure they didn't want me to run away, or lose me. I was used to doing things on my own for the most part, well I guess not on my own since Nicky and Dixie were always with me. I mean alone as in with no parents, and they knew that. So they must have figured that they should just let me go. I was so grateful for them in that moment.I hugged them tight. I was glad that they were paying to fly out Nicky and Dixie be there with me. I felt like I needed them there when I first meet James, in real life. That way if I fainted they would catch me. When we finally settled into the plane, I drifted into my long awaited sleep. I was so eager to see James and tell him the good news.