Don't Look Back

That was a year ago. Now I'm a sophmore and more or less have a good handle on my life. But he's been around a lot and so has Evan-Now my little brothers' best friend. It's hard to look at that violated little boy without feeling guilty and wanting to throw up. Then when I look into his green eyes...

They aren't blood relatives, but man; Somehow they have the same green eyes. Wild and dangerous underneath the layer of gorgeous. Well, I'm guessing the wild is hidden in there. I hope I'm wrong, though. Butt planted in Sam's bed, I tried to shake thoughts of him.

"You okay, Kat?" She asks me, looking up from her Chemistry textbook to watch me shiver then pull my knees up to my chest.

"Yeah, I'm fine hun. Just some bad thoughts." I reply to the brunette girl, hearing her scoff at me. She's the only one I ever-in full-of what Austin did, and now he hangs around her house with her 20 year old brother.

Ever since he's been around her older Zack, it's obvious to tell that Austin stares at me from the moment I enter the room until I round a corner he can no longer see me behind. When I told Sam she said she wasn't noticing then had me go up to him about it to tell him how uncomfortable I was. Wanna know what he said about it?

"I miss you so much Kat, and you're as beautiful as ever. I regret cheating on you so much, can't you just forgive me and come back?"

Forgive him and come back.

What crack is he on?

I guess he didn't understand the first "Fuck you" I told him, so I had to repeat myself. That's okay, I'll repeat myself until he understands if I have to because those are some fun words to say to that blonde turd.

"Want to go get something to eat?" Sam asks me, pulling me out of my thoughts as I pretended to study with her for our science class.

"Sure, I could always go for a fat-filled snack." I joke with her, triggering giggles from an inside joke between us and our friend Garrett.

"Yeah, I don't even know if we have fattening snacks with the rate Zack's been eating. He hordes all of the damn food sometimes! I think he's pregnant or something." She tells me with a laugh. We both know his insane eating habits are a cause of his wrestling, but we like to make up excuses to spite him.

I followed her big pit bull sweetheart dog out to the kitchen, singing an Elvis song to make Sam laugh and try to shut me up from the top of my lungs.

"THE LADY LOVES ME, BUT SHE DOESN'T KNOW IT YET!" I sing, stopping dead when I see Austin standing in the kitchen in only swim trunks, making Sam slam into my back.

"Oh my gosh, Austin! Put some damn clothes on!" Sam says loudly from behind me, seeing him from above my head.

"Oh sweetie, you act like you've never seen me naked." He teases while staring at me, head slightly tilted to the side.

"I wish I could say I never have." I compose myself back into a hard, unforgiving girl, going over to the fridge which he stood right next to. "What the hell are you doing, anyway?" I snap at him, trying to whack him with the door.

"Don't be so cold, Kitty. I'm just waiting for Zack to get changed. Care to join us in the pool?" Austin asks, pressing his chest into my back, hands on my hips. My breathing stops as fear fills me, unsure what to do.

"Get your damn hands off of her!" Sam yells, shoving him away.

"Sam! What are you doing? Do you have to be rude to all of my friends?" Zack asks, appearing in the room also half naked.

"He was touching Kat, Zack. He deserves a punch in the face." She hisses, stepping closer to Austin. Sam has never had a temper, but wow. The things Austin brings out of her.

"Kitty," Austin whispers in my ear, taking advantage of our best friends fighting with each other.

"D-Don't call me that," I whisper, heart racing.

"I still make you hot, don't I?" He bites my ear lobe, making me push my back into him as hard as I can to knock him back, rushing to Sam's room.

He's right. That's the sad part. No matter how irritating he is, he's still so sexy. And those thoughts still freeze up my mind sometimes when I'm alone.

Once in Sam's room I sink to my knees by the bed, arms crossing over my chest, body folding over onto my legs as I try not to cry. He drives me so insane, throwing out all the old names he used to purr at me in bed and putting his teeth on me. I don't even know why he does this to me! Has he seen himself? He's fucking gorgeous! He could trick any girl he wanted to slip into his bed, as he has proven before. So why me?

"Kat, are you okay?" Sam asks, coming into the room.

"Yeah. Fine." I reply coldly, angry at myself for causing trouble between her and her brother again. Every single time I'm here, Austin just "happens" to come over and hang out, stirring up so much shit between everyone.

"No, you aren't." She says, dropping to her knees then wrapping her arm around my shoulders. She knows how hard it's been for me to see him all the time, how Evan flashes into my mind.

I used to blame that on myself. 'If I had opened my eyes a little wider, paid attention to how scared Evan really was, maybe I could have helped the poor boy.' But in reality there really was no way to help him. I knew the terrified looks Evan would get at the first month of me and Austin's relationship, but I stopped understanding when they turned jealous. Evan started to hate me so much and for seemingly no reason at all.

"Whatcha thinking about?" Sam asks me quietly, removing her arm to sit next to me, watching my face.

"What always comes across my mind when I think of Austin." I whisper, sitting up so she can read me like she does so well.

"You know you couldn't have done anything, hun." She tells me, putting a hand on my knee.

"So can anyone explain to me while I'm still upset and wanting for this.. This dirty shoe?" I ask seriously, at a loss for degrading words. She barks out a laugh, clapping her hand over her mouth after.

"Sorry... Sorry. Well, you loved him so much. You were a princess, remember? No girl is happy after someone takes her crown away." She says naturally, repeating herself for the hundredth time.

"But it's been half of a year! Six months, Sam! And yet I still find myself weak at the knees and ready to fall over him even after all the pain he's caused. Why?" I stress, plopping over on my side hard.

"It's in those eyes, Kathreen. They're deceiving. I should know, when I even look in them I get an urge to just submit to every word he says." She admits to me, brushing the hair out of my face.

"I'm such a baby." I complain in a whiny voice, making her laugh again in a sweet tone.

"Yeah, but you're my baby. Wait, that sounds kinda implying."

~~~

Waking up from an empty dream I stretch my body, looking over at the clock from Sam's bed. 2AM. Great. I carefully stand up in hopes of not waking my friend, slipping out of the room in only a tee shirt and my panties. Walking across the hall into the bathroom, I stop and look over at Zack's door in curiosity, hearing quiet voices. I tip toe over to eavesdrop, listening in at the cracked door.

"Fuck, Austin," I hear Zack moan, "Quit touching me like that." He sighs.

I see Austin caressing the penis of Sam's brother, making me gasp in shock. His head snaps up and instantly he's standing, coming over to the door. I back up until I hit the opposite wall, Austin opening the door. A smirk forms over his face as he looks me over, his own body bare.

"Hello Kitty," He whispers, coming up on me until his chest is pressed on mine.

"N-No." I whimper, feeling him try to slide a hand up my shirt.

"What a naughty little girl, spying on me. Maybe you should come join us." He purrs, yanking me into Zack's room.

One hand over my mouth, he grabs my arms behind my back and throws me into the room. The door shuts and locks, Austin all over me before I can move.

His hand covers my mouth again, the other sliding my panties off. Zack whines something from the bed but I don't hear him over the fear of my heart pounding in my ear. I try to scream so he digs his nails into me until he breaks skin.

"Shut the fuck up." He growls, his penis about to press into me.

I jerk up in Sam's bed, sweaty and scared. Thank God.

It was just a dream.