Status: I really just don't know what to do or where to go with this story, but as soon as I do, I promise you, I will update.
A l'automne
Chapter IX
"Thank you so much, I owe you, Autumn." Norman turned to face me before he and Mingus left.
As they did, and the door shut behind them, there was a certain loneliness floating in the air. I'd never realized how completely and utterly alone I was until I actually had real people in my life. There was an emptiness inside of me that I could feel, that got deeper as each day passed.
Hours later, after I'd eaten alone, and watched a movie alone, and watched time pass alone, there was a knock on the door.
I hadn't expected to see Norman for the remainder of the evening.
I grinned at his presence, "Please, come in."
He shut the door behind him, and suddenly everything was different. There was a liveliness to my apartment. It genuinely felt like a home. It wasn't a shell I lived in; it was a real home. A home with flowers, a comforting sense, and a smell of a promising dinner lingered in the air.
The two of us only watched a movie, and while I thoroughly enjoyed his presence it didn't seem enough somehow. Midway through the movie, Norman slipped an arm around me, and a little later, he kissed me. It was soft and innocent, but it was still a kiss.
"What's going on?" The thought slipped through my lips even though I didn't want it to.
Norman said nothing, I imagine he knew exactly what I meant though.
"Between us." I added.
"We're friends."
"And that's it? Is that all we'll ever be?"
He nodded in a hesitant and unsure way.
"Friends don't do that. Friends don't lie in bed the way we did. Friends don't kiss and call it nothing." As I said it all, I felt myself regretting it at the same time.
Norman looked deeply into my eyes; almost searching them for something he knew was there but couldn't quite find.
Sooner than I realized he was once again reunited with my lips. It felt wrong and right all at the same time. I wanted him, but at the same time, I was so afraid to want him and so afraid what I would do when I did have him.
A feeling of fear made me shudder away from Norman, and the fear was immediately followed by regret. "I, I'm sorry." I stuttered.
"No, I'm sorry that was my fault."
I closed my eyes, and sighed, "No, it wasn't."
I felt the warmness of his hand upon my face, so soothing; something my last relationship never offered.
I opened my eyes to see Norman right there, looking at me; not staring and not seeing only the surface but actually looking at me, looking at who I was.
I whispered so faintly I didn't know if he could hear me, "Something's wrong with me."
His hand remained on my face, his thumb stroking my cheek, "It's not you, it's what people have done to you. I wish I could take away your pain, Autumn."
I smiled through the tears that I didn't know were falling.
"I'm here for you, always." He finished.
He pressed his forehead against mine. His touch so sweet and warm, his words so genuine, and my feelings only grew for him.
As they did, and the door shut behind them, there was a certain loneliness floating in the air. I'd never realized how completely and utterly alone I was until I actually had real people in my life. There was an emptiness inside of me that I could feel, that got deeper as each day passed.
Hours later, after I'd eaten alone, and watched a movie alone, and watched time pass alone, there was a knock on the door.
I hadn't expected to see Norman for the remainder of the evening.
I grinned at his presence, "Please, come in."
He shut the door behind him, and suddenly everything was different. There was a liveliness to my apartment. It genuinely felt like a home. It wasn't a shell I lived in; it was a real home. A home with flowers, a comforting sense, and a smell of a promising dinner lingered in the air.
The two of us only watched a movie, and while I thoroughly enjoyed his presence it didn't seem enough somehow. Midway through the movie, Norman slipped an arm around me, and a little later, he kissed me. It was soft and innocent, but it was still a kiss.
"What's going on?" The thought slipped through my lips even though I didn't want it to.
Norman said nothing, I imagine he knew exactly what I meant though.
"Between us." I added.
"We're friends."
"And that's it? Is that all we'll ever be?"
He nodded in a hesitant and unsure way.
"Friends don't do that. Friends don't lie in bed the way we did. Friends don't kiss and call it nothing." As I said it all, I felt myself regretting it at the same time.
Norman looked deeply into my eyes; almost searching them for something he knew was there but couldn't quite find.
Sooner than I realized he was once again reunited with my lips. It felt wrong and right all at the same time. I wanted him, but at the same time, I was so afraid to want him and so afraid what I would do when I did have him.
A feeling of fear made me shudder away from Norman, and the fear was immediately followed by regret. "I, I'm sorry." I stuttered.
"No, I'm sorry that was my fault."
I closed my eyes, and sighed, "No, it wasn't."
I felt the warmness of his hand upon my face, so soothing; something my last relationship never offered.
I opened my eyes to see Norman right there, looking at me; not staring and not seeing only the surface but actually looking at me, looking at who I was.
I whispered so faintly I didn't know if he could hear me, "Something's wrong with me."
His hand remained on my face, his thumb stroking my cheek, "It's not you, it's what people have done to you. I wish I could take away your pain, Autumn."
I smiled through the tears that I didn't know were falling.
"I'm here for you, always." He finished.
He pressed his forehead against mine. His touch so sweet and warm, his words so genuine, and my feelings only grew for him.