Dirty Work

We got new seats in English so now I have to sit next to Alex, since he got transferred into my class. Ms. Bradley also added that this was where we'd be seated for the rest of the semester. I dunno what it was about him that put me off, but I really didn't care for him. I think it was because he always acted cocky and enjoyed being the center of attention. We didn't really talk to each other unless we truly had to. I also started hanging out and getting closer to Zack and Rian so Vinny could have some space. This helped me tolerate Alex even more since he was usually with them. Then one week he never came to school. Rian and Zack hadn't talked to him either which was very strange. After a total of three weeks, he finally came back, but in no way was he the same. He didn't speak, not even to his two best friends, and he didn't laugh or smile. He seemed extremely depressed and stopped trying in class. Instead he wrote. I saw one day he had a couple different random scribbles of writing on his paper and the top said 'Lullabies'. I read the line, "I miss you, I'm so sorry," and I knew it probably had to do with why he was gone. Ms. Bradley assigned a project where we had to work in pairs. Before we started though, we had to talk and get to know each other. I knew he probably wouldn't strike up the conversation and though I didn't want to, I started it anyway.
"So what are you into?"
"Uh, singing, writing, and snowboarding. You?"
"Playing guitar, singing, and reading comics. What kind of things do you write?"
"Songs, poems, things like that.."
"That's cool. I dunno what else to talk about now..
"Neither do I."
"Uh, what happened a few weeks ago and why'd you stop showing up to school? If you don't mind me asking. I just noticed you changed afterward.."
He didn't say a thing. He just looked down and shook his head.
"Okay, I understand. I'm here for you if you need to talk to someone, just so you know."
"I'll be back."
He got up and walked out into the hall. He never came back in and I had to piss like a racehorse so I asked to go to the bathroom. When I got into the hall he was sitting up against the wall crying. I didn't know what to do so I just knelt down in front of him and hugged him. He cried harder into my shoulder at that point. Seeing him like that made me completely forget why I'd gone into the hall in the first place. It then occurred to me that the bell was going to ring soon and everyone would fill the halls and notice us on the ground. I got Alex into a good enough state to go back in and grab our bags and leave again. We ditched our last hour and hung out behind the gym since no one ever looked back there for students. He got all choked up when he told me his brother had died and that's why he had missed school. I could tell by the look in his eyes that he had been close to his brother and it killed him that he was gone. He spent most of the time crying again since saying that one sentence out loud started the tears over again. We literally spent the last hour of the school day behind the gym, him crying into my shoulder and me trying to calm him. It was amazing to me how I had once hated him but now liked him because he was a real human now. Before he was just cocky and the star of the show, now I knew there was a lot of built up hurt and anger hidden behind all of that. Seeing that raw emotion in him killed me a little, but also gave me hope since I knew I'd be able to help him move on. That is, if he wanted me to.
"Please don't tell Rian or Zack, or anyone else. I'll tell them when I get my bearings a little more about the whole situation."
"Of course, it's your news to tell them not mine so I completely respect that."
"Thank you."
The fact that I was the first person outside of his family that he told, made me feel extremely special.
• • •
"So are you coming over today to work on this stupid project or are we just gonna turn it in late?"
"I'll come over, my car broke down yesterday though so I'll need a ride, is that okay?"
"Yep, just meet me after sixth hour by the science building and we'll head to my house."
"Okay, see you then."
"Have fun in PE!"
"Haha, that's definitely hard to do, especially with the help of Rian. Have fun in math!"
"I'm not even going. I'm just gonna go chill with one of the security guards."
"Wouldn't they make you go to class?"
"Ms. Kathy doesn't, hell she even gets me out of class sometimes."
"How?"
"Well, she's a family friend. She's more like my second mom more or less. Her daughter dated T.. my br.. him. They were together for close to 5 years."
"Oh.. What happened? Or was it the most recent thing?"
"She gave him an ultimatum because his drinking got worse and she couldn't handle it anymore. It was either her or alcohol. I guess it's easy to figure out which one he chose.."
"Is that what caused him to.. go?"
"Yep."
"I'm sorry.."
"It's fine, you didn't do it. I.. Never mind. You should probably get to class."
"Okay. See you in an hour."
I really wanted to know what he was gonna say but I didn't want to push him too far right now. I could always ask later though since we'd be at his house.
The next hour flew by pretty quickly, thanks to Rian and I messing around the whole time. I headed toward the science building and met up with Alex, then we headed to his car. When I got in and he started the car, the stereo was blasting Minority. We sang Green Day songs very loudly the whole way to his house and annoyed quite a few people in the process. We got straight to work so we could be done sooner. He did most of the work while I goofed around and distracted him. When he was gluing things onto the poster board I grabbed the glue, put a little dab on my nose and stuck a picture to it. Then proceeded to pretend to eat the glue and tried not to laugh. He looked up, saw me looking at him like a toddler, with a picture of Edgar Allen Poe glued to my nose and about to eat glue, and bursted out laughing. I knew I looked ridiculous and that was the point since he hadn't really smiled the whole time and I wanted to lighten the mood. Its safe to say that it worked. After he finally composed himself, he took the glue from me before I actually put any in my mouth and unstuck the picture. I didn't really know what to do since he was putting the last few touches on the poster, so I grabbed his guitar. I started off by just playing whatever came to mind, then changed to actual songs.
"Yay, it's finally done. Thanks for helping by the way.." he said playfully.
"You're very welcome. Aren't you glad we had to be partners? I'm just oh so helpful."
"Haha, I don't think anyone else would have glued something to their nose and then proceed to eat the glue, so you definitely make it interesting."
"I don't know, I think that one kid in the back might eat the glue but I doubt he'd glue it to his nose and look as adorable."
"Who said you looked adorable? I definitely don't recall saying that."
I gave him the most pitiful puppy dog face I could.
"Now that's adorable, before you just looked cute...kinda like a little kid."
Did he just call me cute?! Holy shit! There was a look of 'oh shit did I just say that out loud' on his face before he said that last part. I'm pretty sure I'm dying a little on the inside. I kinda wanna ask just to see what he says, but that might make things extremely awkward and ruin it.
"You called me cute." I teased.
"I said you looked cute like a little kid."
"You paused before you added that 'like a little kid' part though."
"Anyway, what do you wanna do now?"
"Nice subtle way of changing the subject. Um, could I see one of the songs you've written?"
"I guess.. Here's one."
"Memories That Fade Like Photographs. This is really good. Do you have a guitar part for it yet?"
"No.. Why?"
"Wanna create one?"
"Sure, why not."
"Okay, do you know how you'd want the lyrics sung? I have an idea based off of just reading it but if you already had something in mind then it may or may not work."
"I haven't really thought about it yet."
"Okay, uh, how's something like this for the beginning?"
I began to play the opening chords and then it started to pick up a little. I tapped out a beat with my foot and I could tell Alex liked what I'd come up with so far. Then he started singing and we ad-libbed the rest of the song. As soon as he sang the last line we both looked at each other and smiled. We'd just created half of the song.
"Have you ever thought about creating a band? I think you'd be really good at it, especially since you're a good songwriter and singer. I would say guitar player but I haven't heard you play."
"I have thought about it but I haven't acted on it just because I don't know a lot of musically talented people."
"Isn't Rian a drummer? And I'm pretty sure Zack said something about playing bass.. Do they not count?"
"They do, I just never approached them with the idea."
"Then we should ask them."
"Would you be our guitar player? I play rhythm guitar, so we'd need a lead."
"If you want me to then hell yeah I'm on board."
"So when should we ask?"
"Well, if you hang out or talk to them tonight then I'd do it then, otherwise I'd say tomorrow when we see them."
"Are we really, seriously doing this?"
"Yes we are. We should run through that song again and then show it to the guys tomorrow."
"Okay, sounds like a good plan."
After running through it again, we packed up and headed to his car to take me home. On the way there I remembered what I wanted to ask him earlier. I didn't want to pry too much but I knew that was probably going to be the only way to get any information. I also knew that there was going to be a fine line that I needed to be careful and mindful of so I didn't cross it and majorly upset him.
"Can I ask a question? It's on a touchy subject but I'm curious.."
"Yeah, sure.."
"Uh, what were gonna say today before sixth hour?"
"I don't remember what we were talking about."
"Well it was on you know who and I said I was sorry, then you said it was fine and that I didn't do it. Then you started to say something, I just wondered what it was you were going to say next.. You don't have to tell me though, I understand that it just happened and its painful to talk about..."
He interrupted my trailing on, by simply saying, "I started to say that it was my fault."
"How so?"
"Which street do I need to turn down?"
"This one on the right."
"We're here."
"Thanks for the ride. See you tomorrow."
I wished I hadn't asked because now that one sentence would haunt me until I figured out why he blamed himself for it. I needed to give him time before I asked anymore questions which was only gonna bother me more but I could live with that since its help in the long run.