Dirty Work
Chapter Five
*End of November*
We've played more and more shows lately where it's become difficult to keep up with school but somehow we've all kept up our grades. Alex and I have also kept our relationship going without much drama. It's crazy to think I've only known him since September and I've been dating him for a little over a month. I still haven't talked to my parents since I got kicked out and I don't plan to for awhile. I want to let everything settle down before I even try. I've also begun trying to figure out what to get Alex for his 18th birthday on the 14th. I can't think of anything he doesn't already have. I've considered Green Day concert tickets but I want something besides that. He already has countless beanies, two guitars, and any other thing I can possibly think of. Luckily I have 15 days to figure it out. Till then we have multiple shows to play and a few more days of school. So much has happened in this single semester that it feels like its been an entire year. We've all grown as people, musicians, and friends. I couldn't be happier.
I now have about a week to figure out Alex's present and I'm starting to freak out a bit. I know he'll love anything I get him but I want it to be perfect. I have a couple ideas in mind but they're all so cliché that I want to do something else. I want to be able to make this birthday a rememberable one, which is proving to be harder than I thought.
I finally came up with a different way of presenting the gift. I got a bunch of smooth rocks that were ever so slightly smaller than my hand and drew on them. They spelt out a message and once he decoded it, he'd get notes that led to the present. His birthday is tomorrow so I have to get the stones done tonight and placed where I wanted them. By the time I was done it was close to 4am and I had to be super quiet the entire time which was hard. I quickly got into bed and slept so I could see if and how my idea worked out. When I awoke, Alex and his parents were already up and eating breakfast. I joined them and then he got his present from them, which was some band merch and some cash. Then I led him outside where I had placed the stones strategically around the front yard. I told him the basics and then disappeared. After about 2 minutes he came to his bedroom door and found that the door was closed. He tried to open it and realized that he had to know the message to get in. He came back after another 3 to 5 minutes.
"Okay, the message on the stones was my favourite band, which is Green Day. Now can I come in?"
I didn't answer, instead I shoved a key under the door.
"Really? A key? And it's my car key.. Okay then..?"
He then went to his car and found a stuffed animal penguin wearing a beanie with a little note. He came back to his room to find the door unlocked and when he walked inside he was expecting to find me there. Instead he found another note and a little present that was simply a pair of new shoes because he needed a replacement pair. He followed that note into the spare room and found me sitting on the bed smiling. He was holding the penguin, wearing the beanie and started to smile. He came over to me where I handed him another note and then slipped something into his jacket pocket without him noticing. He read the note and reached into his pocket, revealing a pair of tickets to see Green Day tomorrow. He hugged me extremely tight and then kissed me for what seemed like forever, which I don't say in a bad way at all, kissing him is simply amazing. I knew I'd done well. Even though I'd gone with getting him things that were somewhat predictable, I had made it fun and interesting by making it into a game. It was definitely different and he was happy with everything he'd gotten. We spent the day by going to lunch with his parents and then we split off and went to see a movie while his parents went to go out with some of their friends. We went out to dinner together and came home to an empty house. We both were in a new, strange mood, well at least for us it was, and we started making out and then it escalated into something more. Before either of us really knew what was happening, we had gone farther than we had ever gone before. We both agreed that we were ready but I knew I was terrified and I'm pretty sure he was too. I'd never done anything like this and I don't think he has either. Then it happened. Afterward we both looked at each other with a new kind of longing since we'd just shared something that was extremely intimate. I knew this could either make our relationship stronger or it could completely ruin it altogether. I was terrified that it would ruin it entirely. I loved him and couldn't see myself or my life without him. We fell asleep in each others arms and when I woke up, we were still in that position. I was scared to look him in the eyes, I don't know exactly why, but I was. I opened my eyes and looked up a bit and noticed he was awake. I started to move a little more and he rolled onto his back and let go of me. I didn't really know what to do so I just stayed in the same position then rolled onto my other side. Without meaning to I fell back to sleep and when I woke up, Alex had his arm around me and we were fitting so perfectly together. I was hoping this meant last night wasn't a mistake and that it was making our relationship stronger since this had never really happened before. I couldn't help but smile and his mom knocked on the door and opened it enough to peek her head in.
"Breakfast is ready whenever you guys are ready to eat. You may have to heat it up a little but other than that it should be fine."
"Okay, thank you."
She smiled and then shut the door. I don't know if she had suspected anything or what. Either way it wouldn't matter because he had great parents that supported both of us regardless of whether we were right or wrong. This was one of those moments that I still hadn't decided if it was good or bad. Had we moved too fast? Would this end us? End the band? Would he push me away now? Would he pretend like none of this happened and then slowly but surely distance himself? All these questions and more filled my head and I tried to think about the positives but that failed. All these negative questions filled my head again and this time the voice inside my head was saying them like facts instead of questions. This worried me even more and I was on the verge of tears. I would never be able to move on if he did that to me. I would just shut down and become an empty shell of a person. I'd go through my daily routines but it'd be as if I was a robot. No emotions. Just actions. With the thought of that a few tears fell and I tried to choke back the rest of them but that attempt failed. I quietly sobbed and tried to stop but I'd already woken Alex up and he'd noticed the crying.
"Jack, what's wrong?"
"N..n..noth..nothing..."
"You can tell me anything. I just want to help.."
"I..I..I...kn...I know.."
"Then what happened?"
"..b..bad...th..thoughts..."
"Try to calm down, you're okay. I'm right here."
"..I..I'm...I'm sc..scared..."
"Of?"
"...los..losing...y..you..."
"Jack, you won't lose me. I promise. I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere."
"..I...lo..love...you.."
"I love you too. Now try to calm down, just take deep slow breaths. There you go, just like that. Everything's fine."
I slowly started to calm down. Alex still looked concerned and hadn't let go of me the whole time. My breathing finally went back to normal and the tears had started to stop. I'd turned to face Alex and he wiped the few tears away that were still on my face. When he knew I'd calmed down he finally started asking questions. I hesitated and didn't know whether I should just tell him or say it was a nightmare. I decided to go with the truth and as soon as I told him he hugged me super tightly and kissed my forehead. He quietly reassured me he wouldn't leave or push me away. It was enough for me and I felt safe and loved in that moment. I had a feeling like that before with him but now it was stronger because he knew my one of my fears and was able to reassure me. It was nice to have that feeling after having a complete breakdown out of nowhere.
We've played more and more shows lately where it's become difficult to keep up with school but somehow we've all kept up our grades. Alex and I have also kept our relationship going without much drama. It's crazy to think I've only known him since September and I've been dating him for a little over a month. I still haven't talked to my parents since I got kicked out and I don't plan to for awhile. I want to let everything settle down before I even try. I've also begun trying to figure out what to get Alex for his 18th birthday on the 14th. I can't think of anything he doesn't already have. I've considered Green Day concert tickets but I want something besides that. He already has countless beanies, two guitars, and any other thing I can possibly think of. Luckily I have 15 days to figure it out. Till then we have multiple shows to play and a few more days of school. So much has happened in this single semester that it feels like its been an entire year. We've all grown as people, musicians, and friends. I couldn't be happier.
I now have about a week to figure out Alex's present and I'm starting to freak out a bit. I know he'll love anything I get him but I want it to be perfect. I have a couple ideas in mind but they're all so cliché that I want to do something else. I want to be able to make this birthday a rememberable one, which is proving to be harder than I thought.
I finally came up with a different way of presenting the gift. I got a bunch of smooth rocks that were ever so slightly smaller than my hand and drew on them. They spelt out a message and once he decoded it, he'd get notes that led to the present. His birthday is tomorrow so I have to get the stones done tonight and placed where I wanted them. By the time I was done it was close to 4am and I had to be super quiet the entire time which was hard. I quickly got into bed and slept so I could see if and how my idea worked out. When I awoke, Alex and his parents were already up and eating breakfast. I joined them and then he got his present from them, which was some band merch and some cash. Then I led him outside where I had placed the stones strategically around the front yard. I told him the basics and then disappeared. After about 2 minutes he came to his bedroom door and found that the door was closed. He tried to open it and realized that he had to know the message to get in. He came back after another 3 to 5 minutes.
"Okay, the message on the stones was my favourite band, which is Green Day. Now can I come in?"
I didn't answer, instead I shoved a key under the door.
"Really? A key? And it's my car key.. Okay then..?"
He then went to his car and found a stuffed animal penguin wearing a beanie with a little note. He came back to his room to find the door unlocked and when he walked inside he was expecting to find me there. Instead he found another note and a little present that was simply a pair of new shoes because he needed a replacement pair. He followed that note into the spare room and found me sitting on the bed smiling. He was holding the penguin, wearing the beanie and started to smile. He came over to me where I handed him another note and then slipped something into his jacket pocket without him noticing. He read the note and reached into his pocket, revealing a pair of tickets to see Green Day tomorrow. He hugged me extremely tight and then kissed me for what seemed like forever, which I don't say in a bad way at all, kissing him is simply amazing. I knew I'd done well. Even though I'd gone with getting him things that were somewhat predictable, I had made it fun and interesting by making it into a game. It was definitely different and he was happy with everything he'd gotten. We spent the day by going to lunch with his parents and then we split off and went to see a movie while his parents went to go out with some of their friends. We went out to dinner together and came home to an empty house. We both were in a new, strange mood, well at least for us it was, and we started making out and then it escalated into something more. Before either of us really knew what was happening, we had gone farther than we had ever gone before. We both agreed that we were ready but I knew I was terrified and I'm pretty sure he was too. I'd never done anything like this and I don't think he has either. Then it happened. Afterward we both looked at each other with a new kind of longing since we'd just shared something that was extremely intimate. I knew this could either make our relationship stronger or it could completely ruin it altogether. I was terrified that it would ruin it entirely. I loved him and couldn't see myself or my life without him. We fell asleep in each others arms and when I woke up, we were still in that position. I was scared to look him in the eyes, I don't know exactly why, but I was. I opened my eyes and looked up a bit and noticed he was awake. I started to move a little more and he rolled onto his back and let go of me. I didn't really know what to do so I just stayed in the same position then rolled onto my other side. Without meaning to I fell back to sleep and when I woke up, Alex had his arm around me and we were fitting so perfectly together. I was hoping this meant last night wasn't a mistake and that it was making our relationship stronger since this had never really happened before. I couldn't help but smile and his mom knocked on the door and opened it enough to peek her head in.
"Breakfast is ready whenever you guys are ready to eat. You may have to heat it up a little but other than that it should be fine."
"Okay, thank you."
She smiled and then shut the door. I don't know if she had suspected anything or what. Either way it wouldn't matter because he had great parents that supported both of us regardless of whether we were right or wrong. This was one of those moments that I still hadn't decided if it was good or bad. Had we moved too fast? Would this end us? End the band? Would he push me away now? Would he pretend like none of this happened and then slowly but surely distance himself? All these questions and more filled my head and I tried to think about the positives but that failed. All these negative questions filled my head again and this time the voice inside my head was saying them like facts instead of questions. This worried me even more and I was on the verge of tears. I would never be able to move on if he did that to me. I would just shut down and become an empty shell of a person. I'd go through my daily routines but it'd be as if I was a robot. No emotions. Just actions. With the thought of that a few tears fell and I tried to choke back the rest of them but that attempt failed. I quietly sobbed and tried to stop but I'd already woken Alex up and he'd noticed the crying.
"Jack, what's wrong?"
"N..n..noth..nothing..."
"You can tell me anything. I just want to help.."
"I..I..I...kn...I know.."
"Then what happened?"
"..b..bad...th..thoughts..."
"Try to calm down, you're okay. I'm right here."
"..I..I'm...I'm sc..scared..."
"Of?"
"...los..losing...y..you..."
"Jack, you won't lose me. I promise. I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere."
"..I...lo..love...you.."
"I love you too. Now try to calm down, just take deep slow breaths. There you go, just like that. Everything's fine."
I slowly started to calm down. Alex still looked concerned and hadn't let go of me the whole time. My breathing finally went back to normal and the tears had started to stop. I'd turned to face Alex and he wiped the few tears away that were still on my face. When he knew I'd calmed down he finally started asking questions. I hesitated and didn't know whether I should just tell him or say it was a nightmare. I decided to go with the truth and as soon as I told him he hugged me super tightly and kissed my forehead. He quietly reassured me he wouldn't leave or push me away. It was enough for me and I felt safe and loved in that moment. I had a feeling like that before with him but now it was stronger because he knew my one of my fears and was able to reassure me. It was nice to have that feeling after having a complete breakdown out of nowhere.