Scars. -

1

This was the day it all started. I was brushing down my outfit
(http://www.polyvore.com/black_pink_blue/set?id=66819378 ] ridding it of any crumbs or dust for a good several minutes until I yanked my headphones out of my ears and stepped off the bus, hearing my tall-heeled shoes clicking loudly as they connected with the cold, solid pavement. The tall, sinister-looking concrete building that stood before me, caught my attention and made me remember all the years I'd made it out alive. I stopped as cruel memories started rushing back. Images of blood and sliced open flesh festered my mind. Just then, I felt a cold breeze flushing through my hair, reminding me to get into school and start the daunting process of the day.
Before going inside, I made sure to follow the instructions that my counsellor had given me, and inhaled and exhaled, which followed by me squeezing my eyes shut. I pushed open the door, fluttering my eyes open at the same time, and entered the almost empty hallway. The ill-lit atmosphere, grey, crumbling walls, and the notable cold temperature would exert a negative and unpleasant energy.
I walked into the ever-boring hour-long assembly that we would have every year before school started, and seated myself on the end of a row. It was a heart-breaking waste of time. Life isn't long enough for this. I want to get on with my life; woeful and repetitious as it is. I had considered making a lose of things that school force us to do that are utterly time-consuming and useless, that I could file as a complaint to the school board.

I huffed on my way out, infuriated by the fact that I had P.E. as my next lesson. Time-wasting, tiring, boring, embarrassing and ultimately useless. What good does anyone expect out of being forced to perform ridiculous movements (or 'dancing' as our teachers prefer to call it) for an hour and forty minutes? Is there no god?
We hastily changed into the unflattering and oversized P.E. Kits that we're forced to wear, and trudged into the Lower Hall where our 'dance' sessions took place.
A dirty aroma drifted into my nose, making me frown and wrinkle my nose in disgust. The floor was just filthy. Whenever I returned to the changing rooms, the soles of my (that used to be white) socks were left a dark shade of brown, and covered in dust.

Break time rolled around at five past eleven, and people came pouring out of the cement block and back into the changing rooms.
Even being almost constantly surrounded by people, and hearing so much noise, I was so lonely.

I found the classroom that I was supposed to be taking my next
lesson in and joined the end of the queue just outside it. I waited until it lead into the room, and took a seat at one end of the table. A teacher walked in and started talking to us about what we were going to be doing today. I didn't look up or pay attention, as I usually copy off the person sitting next to me.
A small purple exercise book was slumped onto my desk. I unzipped my pencil case and took a pen from it to write my name on the cover of my book.

"Write your name on the first line, Music on the second line, and the initials of your form tutor on the third" the teacher spoke. I noticed his deep and low voice. I immediately looked up, and saw him for the first time. Suddenly, my cognition and reflexes became blurred. I couldn't believe that this young and unbelievably good-looking man was going to be teaching us. He was tall, extremely skinny, had baby-blue eyes, slightly messy, dark black hair, incredibly pale but flawless skin, plump and soft looking lips, perfectly sculpted jaws, dark eyebrows, straight and bleach-white teeth, and a little nose that sat in perfect
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harmony with the rest of his angelic features. He wore a black jacket with rolled-up sleeves, underneath that was a black shirt, a black tie, and skinny black pants that were tight-fitting, almost like jeans.
I whipped out my timetable to see how often I have lessons with him.
"Any questions?" he asked the quiet class, flashing a smile, exposing a few of his perfect teeth.
"Sir, we don't know our tutor groups" A voice from somewhere in the classroom called.
"Oh, of course! You guys didn't have registration today" he said, pressing a button on his projector remote, as
a list of names and corresponding tutor initials appeared on the board.
Next to my name read the initials 'BC'.
I looked up at the board to copy the date into my book, and noticed that written just below the date was 'Mr. Carter'. I assumed that was his name. Maybe I was in his form group.
"I'd like everyone to turn to page 64 of these textbooks" he said slumping a box of books onto his desk, as everyone got up to take one from his desk.
"and complete questions 1 to 9"
A chorus of heavy sighs filled what was a quiet atmosphere.
I couldn't help but let my eyes wander from my work to his face. I just sat there. In complete awe. I couldn't actually believe how attractive this man was! I didn't think the school would ever hire a hot teacher. He must have felt my gaze upon him, because he looked up at me. I quickly diverted my eyes back to my work, feeling slightly embarrassed.

I peered over at what the person sitting next to me was writing and began to copy them. It wasn't long before realised that these questions were far too easy to be copying from someone else.
The rooms' original noisiness was restored within minutes, as people continued to talk.
On my way out of the lesson, the one and only thing that I had actually learned, is that I now have a huge crush on Mr. Carter, my gorgeous Music teacher. Now he's all I can think about.

On my way to the library where I spend most break times, I passed some kids in my year smoking tobacco just outside. It smells foul and smoking in public just screams 'I'm a trashy ghetto member with no class'.

The rest of today's events included almost falling asleep in English, and nearly breaking my headphones I'n attempt to untangle them.

The next day of school arrived, and I changed into ( http://www.polyvore.com/herro/set?id=66819255 )
black and white sneakers, a cropped leather jacket, black skinny jeans, a batman-style cap and a matching belly button bar.
After applying my make up and fixing my hair to perfection, I set off for school.
I was about to walk out the door, when I remembered to slip a fingerless-glove on over my arm to hide the hideous stitched up memories.
I walked into form-room where registration was taken and noticed Mr. Carter drinking his coffee when our eyes met.
"You're late" he said, frowning at me.
I frowned up at the clock. Late by 2 minutes! I looked back at him, and took the only remaining seat, which was right in front of

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Mr. Carter, and next to Kat, who I once used to talk to in my middle school. I smiled at her, and awkwardly sat down and started twiddling my thumbs to avoid eye contact with him.
He went to his laptop and called out the register. I swear that shivers ran down my spine when he called out my name.
A few minutes after, he came swerving on his six-wheeled office chair over to me, and as he did this, I looked away, darting my eyes around nervously trying to find something to distract me, but he caught me gazing at him.
"You know I knew your brother in high school"
"Oh" I said quietly, trying not to gaze back at his face, but my eyes wandered all too easily, and I ended up looking like I was in a trance.
He smiled and returned back to his laptop.
I whipped out my timetable from my bag to discover that I have Music next. I hoped that Mr. Carter wouldn't start talking to me again. You see, I have a history of making all my crushes detest me because of the things I say, so I decided it would be easier if I didn't talk to him. He won't notice me, but it would hurt so much less than having him hate me.

The bell for the beginning of the next period rang, and everyone fled from their seats to get to their next lesson. Matter-of-factly, I have my next period in here with Mr. Carter, so I just waited outside the classroom.
Mr. Carter must have known that I was in his classroom next because two minutes into waiting outside, he greeted me with a modest smile.
"Hey, do you wanna wait inside?" he asked.
I shook my head. He gave me a confused look.
"Too awkward, huh?" and with that, he went back in and quietly closed the door.
When everyone had gone in, I trailed after the last person to walk in, and took a seat again, at the front, due to having last choice.
Mr. Carter caught me staring at him a total of five times, but I would quickly divert my eyes in time.
To my embarrassment, It happened a sixth time. It wasn't something that I could control.
"Do you need any help?" he asked.
I shook my head in response, feeling my cheeks turn a deep shade of red.

The day had passed quickly and blurred into night. And before I knew it, time for registration came.
"Hey" Mr. Carter smiled at me, placing his coffee cup onto his desk and swivelling around on his chair to face me.
"I just need to see you for a second after registration" he smiled.
I froze and glared at him, with my mouth hanging slightly ajar.
"Don't worry, you're not in trouble" he laughed, as several people came past me to take their seats. I had arrived earlier than yesterday, so I took my pick of seating at the back to avoid any further conversation with Mr. Carter.
Twenty minutes practically flew by, and the next thing I knew, Mr. Carter had me seated opposite him, so close, that I could smell his cologne.
"Now, I had some teachers inform me you've been harming yourself"
I nervously shook my head at him.
"Uh-huh"
"Could you show me your arms please?" he asked.
I shook my head and backed away tensing up.
"I don't get paid enough for this job" he sighed quietly.
"Hey, don't make my job any harder" he said. "Please?" he smiled.
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I did nothing, just sat there nervously and let a tear roll down my cheek, and quickly dried it.
"You know the school just want to help you"
I sniffed and stared into his eyes.
"You know I actually knew Henry since Middle School"
he said. I just kept glaring him in the eyes, and put my knees upon the chair and huddled to them.
"We were never really close, but I remember in 5th grade, when we were ten years old, you were born and all Henry could talk about, was you"
I let out a small giggle.
"Everyone got a little sick of it actually"
I nodded, chewing my sleeve.
"So are you gonna roll down your sleeves yet?'" he said, semi-smiling.
"You're not even gonna talk to me?"
I shook my head, once again and looked away.
"Okay" he said, frowning at his watch and scratching his head.
"Well, we're gonna have to have the same conversation tomorrow and I'll have to tell the Head Of House you refused to speak to me. Ok?"
I nodded.
"You can go now"
And I left, looking him in the eye as I closed the door behind me.

It turns out that Mr. Carter had been telling the truth because the next day, he kept me in after Registration again.
"Okay, Libby, if you don't talk to me today, the school are gonna get you to talk to someone else,
and I can guarantee you that they won't be as understanding"
I sighed.
"Roll up your sleeves" he demanded.
I shook my head and let tears pour down my cheeks without even putting up a fight.
"Hey" he said sweetly, moving closer to me.
"Don't cry"
He gently and slowly began to roll up my sleeves.
He revealed some cuts so deep and ugly that not even I look at them myself.
"Do your parents know about this?"
I shook my head.
"Did you go to hospital to get these stitched up?"
I shook my head again.
"You didn't? So you stitched them up yourself?"
I nodded.
"This is much more serious than I thought. I'm actually surprised
you made it, you know you could've died?"
I nodded.
"Do you want to die?"
I just nodded.
"You do?"
I nodded again.
"You know I don't think I've heard you speak yet"
He gently began to roll down my sleeves.
I winced in pain.
5

"Are you okay?"
I shook my head and began to cry again.
"Come on now. Are you gonna be okay to go to your next lesson?"
I shook my head and sniffed.
"If you wanna get better you need to communicate with people"
He dried my tears with his finger, which I have to say, is something that I really didn't expect.
"Would you rather talk tomorrow?"
I nodded.
"You can go to your next lesson when you're ready, ok?"
I got up and left.

It was Friday and for my last lesson I had Music with Mr. Carter. Great.
At the end of Registration, he kept me in to speak to him. I knew that my teachers were going to be wondering why I'm always fifteen minutes late to their lesson.
"So, I gather you were spoken to by a head of house yesterday?"
"Uh-huh" I said.
"They don't think that you're mentally stable for lessons"
"I am" I said in a shy, somewhat croaky and weak little voice.
"It's nice to finally hear you talk. So are you feeling better today?"
"Yeah" I said quietly, chewing on my sleeve.
He reached for my sleeve to gently pull it out of my mouth.
"Come on, take that out of your mouth"
"So what was the reason for all the..." he trailed off, pointing to my wrist.
"I-I-I- because I didn't know how to deal with the pain"
"Where did the pain come from?"
"Other people. Making fun of me. Teasing me for being different. My family overreacting to my mistakes"
"So why don't you find another way to take out the pain?"
"I can't really explain this to someone else"
"Well, I'll be seeing you last period in Music today, okay?" he smiled.
"Okay"
"We'll actually be playing on keyboards this lesson"
"Ok, bye" I smiled.
"Bye, Libby" he smiled back.
I closed the door, exhaled loudly, and walked to my next lesson, which I was bound to be late for again.
I had been having mixed feelings about last period with Mr. Carter. I'd been excited, but very nervous.
I made my way to his classroom, and found the familiar blue door, which had peeling paint, a rusting handle, and squeaking door hinges. I took a deep breath and entered the room and quietly as I could, praying that he wouldn't notice me walk in. Turns out he was staring straight at me, and once again. I had last choice of seats, so I ended up sitting at the front, right in front of him.
"Hey Libby, you okay?" he asked quietly, as I sat down.
I nodded and smiled.
"Good".
"Okay I want everyone to get a keyboard from the cupboard, and turn to page 78 in these books" he announced, holding up a Piano book.
"Can I use a practise room?"
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"Of course"
I blushed and walked into a practise room in the corridors to find some girls already in there.
"Hi, I actually have permission to use this room so-"
"Fuck off" one of them laughed.
"But I-"
"She said fuck off emo skank!" another one shouted.
"Why don't you go cut yourself?"
They all burst out in laughter.
Wait, how did they know about that?
"Yeah, ugly lesbian!" she said, walking closer.
"I'm surprised you don't just hang yourself, you fat worthless bitch"
One jeered, as they all burst out in laughter.
These girls are obviously just pond-scum.
I walked away, as tears started to pour down my face.
"Hey Libby, are you ok?" Mr. Carter asked as I rushed past him to open the door.
I slammed the door, and sniffed, resisting the urge to dry my tears.
Just then, Mr. Carter came through the door.
"Hey, what happened?" he asked.
I just sniffed.
He placed his hand on my back.
"Are you ok?"
"I'm fine" I said quietly.
"Do you wanna tell me what happened?"
"There were s-some girls in there a-and I-I tried to tell them t-that I had your permission to use it- a-and they started c-calling me a fat, skank, worthless, ugly, emo b-bitch and that I should h-hang myself and c-cut myself"
"Why would they say all those things to you?"
"I-I-I think it has something t-to do with the way I look"
"Were you rude to them first?"
"N-no" I sniffed.
"I've never known any students to be so extreme. Any way, we'll go and sort this out, ok?" he smiled.
He took me through the classroom to the corridor and knocked on the door of the practise room that I had been hoping to use.
"Hey" he said, walking in.
"Were you girls being rude to one of the students in my class?"
I heard them all start to shriek.
"No! no, she barges in and tells us to get out, so we told her to fuck off"
"Well that's not what she told me, what class are you girls supposed to be in right now?"
"No, she's ly-"
"I'm not here to argue with you, now tell me whose lesson you're supposed to be in"
"Mrs. Stanley"
"Ok, well you're gonna follow me back to her room, right now"
"No, we haven't done anything-"
"Out! Now!" he said, raising his voice.
"For fucks sake" one muttered.
"Libby you can go in now" he said, while walking those nasty hoe-bags back to their class.

7

I close the door behind me and sat down. I opened the book and played the whole piece twice, an decided that it was too easy. Out of the corner of my eye, were some papers with what looked like handwritten music on it. I grabbed the paper to inspect further, and placed them at the piano and began to play one.
I played them for a good ten minutes before Mr. Carter walked in.
"Hey"
"Hi" I said shyly. I quickly switched the paper for the piano book that he'd asked us to play from.
"You know I wrote that" he pointed to the paper in my hand.
"Y-you did?"
"You like it?" he flashed me a gorgeous smile.
"It's beautiful" I whispered as he reached for a chair, and dragged it to sit beside me.
"You think so?". His voice was soft, but deep and ever so sexy.
I bit my lip to control the shivers that were waiting to run down my spine. He took a piece of paper from my hand.
"Have you played this one?"
"It looks complicated. I-"
"I'll help you" he snaked his arm around my waist and placed his fingers onto mine to make them play the keys. A beautiful melody filled the room. I felt his breath tickle the back of my neck, which felt so good that I felt the sudden urge to moan, so I bit my tongue as hard as I could.
When he'd finished, he turned to face me. My mouth hung slightly ajar, and my cheeks turned a light shade of pink as Mr. Carter gazed into my eyes. I noticed that his arm was still around me. I moved my hand to his, he flinched and quickly removed his hand from under mine.
He then looked around.
"I'll leave you to it" he said quietly, and left, closing the door gently behind him.

The next day in school, Mr. Carter had asked me to stay after school that day, after not getting the chance to talk to me, due to a meeting.
"Hey, take a seat" he smiled.
I blushed and sat down on a chair.
"You okay today?" he asked.
I nodded, forcing a smile.
"So how are your arms doing?"
He said, making his voice quiet.
"Um, fine" I muttered quietly.
"Can I see them?"
His baby blue eyes stared deep into mine.
I shook my head.
"Libby, you have to show me"
"No I don't" I frowned, becoming frustrated at his demanding demeanour.
"The school have asked me to check that you've stopped"
"I have. Just believe me"
"I believe you. But you have to show me your arms"
"No" I frowned, backing away.
"Here" he whispered, leaning inwards, and gently tugging at my arm.
"Let me do it. Ok?"
I didn't say a word. I just let him roll down my sleeve as careful as he could manage.
His gentleness was calming.
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I looked the other way.
"Hey, this one's new" he said, pointing to a fresh cut.
"Yeah" I whispered.
"Can you promise me you'll stop?"
"Mr. Car-"
"Can you promise me?" he repeated, staring into my eyes.
"I-I promise"
"Well tomorrow morning come and see me. Ok?"
"Ok" I confirmed.
"I'll see you tomorrow"
"Bye"

I got home and emptied my bag onto my bed on search for my diary. I could not find it anywhere. I panicked. I looked though all the pockets, inside of books. I must have left it at school! Someone is going to read it for sure!
A sheen of sweat came over me, and I began to panick.
What if someone shows it to the head of house?
What if someone puts it on facebook?
Or even worse....what if Mr. Carter reads it......?

The next day came, and I rushrd through the squeaking doors of school to get to registration.
"Hey, Libby, you're early" Mr. Carter chirped.
"You left something behind" he said sliding my diary over to me.
"Um, say, you didn't read it, did you?"
"No. But the girl who handed it in to me did"
"Who?"
"I won't say" he said, before sipping at his coffee.
"How do you know that she read it?"
"She told me what she read"
"Um...I..."
"We need to have another conversation"
"But that's my diary! It's nobody elses business!"
"Whatever you bring into school becomes our business"
I slammed door and ran to thw bathroom. Locking the noisy door behind me. I silenlty cried angry tears for several minutes.
I regained my breath and unlocked the door. Even though i hadn't used the loo, I ran my hands under the cold water and shook them dry.
I opened the door and returned to registration when everyone else had arrived, and took a seat right at the back.
Mr. Carter was quieter than usual today.
I tried to escape registration when the bell rang, but Mr. Carter caught me.
"Libby, wait behind please"
Oh no. This was it.
I nervously sat down.
"Libby, by the sounds of it, you need professional help. The school head of house read your diary-"
"What? But it's none of their concern! It's my diary, and they shouldn't have been so damn nosy! Reading my diary like it's their god-given right!" I exclaimed, becoming extremely frustrated at the lack of respect that I'd gotten from this horrible incident.

9

"It's possible that you have Schizophrenia and anorexia. Maybe more"
I let a tear roll down my cheek.
Mr. Carter passed me a box of tissues from his desk, giving me a sympathetic look.
"Mr. Carter?"
"Yeah?"
"Did you read my diary?" I sniffed.
"I had to"
"Says who?"
"We were in a meeting, and I was asked to read it"
"I also have to check that you've stopped harming yourself since yesterday"
I felt a cold and icy feeling wrap around me and shivered slightly.
He gently rolled down my sleeve.
"Well I don't see any new ones, so you're good"
"Can I go now?" I asked aggressively while yanking up my sleeve.
He looked at his watch.
"Sure"
I made sure to slam the door as hard as I could on my way out.

As soon as I got home, I broke down into tears. I changed into a tank top and shorts, and scraped my hair back into a ponytail. I searched through my drawer for my blade.
I pushed it deep into my pale skin and watched the scarlet fluid pour out of my already sliced up arms, onto my bare knees, where it dripped onto the deep blue carpet, like the many tears that had fallen from my eyes today.
I turned on a song by Hawthorne Heights and blasted it as loud as I could, so that I couldn't hear my sobbing.
I cleaned myself up in the shower and cuddled up in bed with my stuffed giraffe, clutching on to it, trying to forget today's events.
I tried to start the day over again. I put on a fresh set of clothes on, tied my hair back into a high ponytail and applied my make-up like usual. I threw my books into my bag and my iPod, likewise.
It was Friday. I couldn't wait to escape this hole.

I walked into Registration to find Mr. Carter staring me in the face.
"You're late"
"Sorry sir" I mumbled.
I glared at my time table. I had to endure another hour and forty with Mr. Carter.
I groaned quietly in frustration.
When the bell rang, I stated where I was as other kids came walking through the door while my form class tried to escape.
"Okay! Good Morning class"
I looked back over at the douchebag-corner where all the twats would sit. I notices that they were giggling at the fact that the top of my ass crack was showing. I quickly hitched my jeans up.
"Yeah, I'd wreck that" I heard a voice from the corner remark.
"I'd like everyone to carry on from last lesson please"
He said. I looked up at Mr. Carter and remembered how gorgeous he was. I looked down again, disappointed because I don't have a chance with him.
I got up and walked to the practise room.
I sat down and placed my fingers on the keys, but before I could make a sound, Mr. Carter barged in.
10

"Hey, sorry, I needed to get something from here"
I stared as he smiled at me with those perfect white, straight teeth.
"Do you have anymore of those?" I asked.
"More of what?"
"The music you wrote" I looked up at him hopefully.
"Oh yeah sure, here" he smiled, handing me a sheet of music.
I placed it at the piano.
"You want me to help you, or...?"
"Oh, yes please" I nodded shyly.
He sat down next to me and snaked his right arm around my waist, and placed his fingers on top of mine and began to play.
"It goes like this"
I giggled loudly, but my heart was pounding in my chest at a thousand beats per minute, and my cheeks heated up like a sunny morning in July.
He stopped and looked at me but I didn't really notice because I was too distracted by the fact that this extremely attractive man wanted anything to do with me.
"Are you ok?" he asked.
"Yeah, why?" a smile tugged at my lips.
"You've gone completely red"
"No I haven't" I denied.
"Yes you have"
"No I haven't!"
"It looks like your cheeks are on fire"
I felt his hand touch my belly and I flinched.
"Hey!" I gasped
"What?"
"Stop tickling me!"
"I wasn't ticking you" he said, the grin on his face still there.
"Yeah you were! You did this!" I protested while demonstrating how he touched me on him.
"Hey! Stop!" he laughed.
"You're ticklish?"
"Not as ticklish as you, I barely even touched you!"
"You were, actually"
He stopped and looked at me for a second. He suddenly started running his fingers along my belly, digging them into me.
"Hey! No! Stop!" I screamed at the top of my lungs.
"Ssh!" he hissed, placing a finger on my lips as I tried to catch my breath.
"Someone's gonna think I'm murdering you! And I didn't tickle you that hard"
Before I answered, I started doing the same to him.
"Woah! Stop!"
He then attacked me and I almost fell off the chair, but he caught me by the waist as I grabbed onto his arms.
"Come on, this is unprofessional"
"Tickle fights are unprofessional?" I challenged.
"Yes"
"I guess I'll never be a 'professional' then" I mimicked.
"Come on, we both have work to do"
"Ok!" I reassured him. "show me how to play it again"
"Like this" he said, placing his hand on mine so that yet gently pressed the keys. Oh my, what a feeling. I think I've developed a crush on him!