Kiss Me

I was honestly stunned when Haley had agreed to come along with me to the hospital. For a minute I was almost taken aback, I scratched the back of my neck and let out a sigh. She bit at the corner of her lip and despite all of the pain, nausea, and dizziness I was currently feeling, I just wanted to wrap my arms around her tiny little body and hug her.

She had been my rock for so many years, though so many things, and she was the first person I wanted to talk with as soon as I went down with the second hit. Despite everything that had gone down between us, I needed her there. I missed her and the moment I saw her walking into the one of the offices outside of the locker room everything flooded back to me and it made me feel even sicker.

“Did you hear what the doctor said, Sid?” Haley asked, clearing me out of the pain medicine and memory induced trance that I was in. I shook my head a couple of times and wiped my eyes. I was exhausted. It was nearly three in the morning and I was finally finishing up the long battery of tests that the neurologists had given me.

“No,” I replied back annoyed. She shook her head and looked empathetically towards the young doctor in front of us. “What’s the word?” I asked cautiously.

“Baseline tests show you have a concussion. The good news is that there is no sight of you having a brain bleed or anything because of the hits.” The guy looked like he was shaking having to take care of me. “We’d like to keep you here overnight as precaution, and retest you in the morning.” It wasn’t a question, but a statement and one that he wasn’t going to take no for an answer. Behind Haley, Mario nodded in agreement.

“I really don--” I began to try and get out of staying in a cramped hospital room in a barely there gown. Mario and the doctor both shook their heads in unison and I laid my head back on the cardboard box feeling pillow. Haley grabbed my hand from across the bed and gave it a gently squeeze. Our eyes met and it was all reassuring looks from her end. “I guess that’s okay.” I finally obliged. Everything was going to be all right.

*****

“You all comfortable now?” She asked as I tried to scoot down the sandpaper like sheets into a comfortable position. The pain medications and the antiemetics had helped all of the pain and nausea that I was feeling, and now I was feeling just a little woozy. Maybe even on the borderline of being high.

I grinned and let out one of my world famous high-pitched giggles. Okay, maybe borderline high wasn’t exactly the word for it. “I feel better.” She was sitting at the bed next to me, her legs crossed and contorted underneath her body, and a tired expression was painted across her face.

“Good.” If she was still mad at me, she didn’t show it. If she was hurt about what had happened, she had a good poker face. “I think I’m going to head out now, you’re in good hands.” My heart stopped a little bit and I felt dizzy again. I didn’t want her to leave, ever again.

“Can you stay with me?” I blurted out without thinking of the consequences to my actions. She pursed her lips and drew herself away from the edge of the bed. I knew damn well that if I let her go out of the room I was never going to see her again. Despite the shitty circumstances it had came under, this was my opportunity to make it right and turn our relationship back around.

“I don’t know if that’s such a good idea, Sid,” She replied hesitantly as I wracked my brain for all of the excuses I could’ve used on her to make her stay. I had used: the puppy dog pout, the ‘I hate hospitals’ line, amongst a couple other tricks up my sleeve to keep her around just long enough so we could actually have a private moment. This time I was going to keep it short, simple, and to the point.

“We need to talk.” Her face changed dramatically as it crumbled into a face that screamed pain and anguish. Her knee was the closest piece of body that I was able to lay my hand on, and I cautiously set it down on top of her kneecap. She didn’t flinch, but looked the opposite way when I began slowly rubbing her knee.

“There isn’t anything to talk about,” She replied back after a minute. There was always something to talk about, especially after the way I had ended it. After not being around Haley for three months I had realized it, the accident just let go of the inner baby inside of me and told me to put on my big boy pants, suck it up, and go apologize. This was my second chance and I was sure as hell taking it.

“Okay, fine. We won’t talk about anything. Can you at least stay and keep me company?” When the doctors had left they had advised me to spend the rest of the early morning sleeping, as I would be awoken early for another battery of tests. I didn’t plan on sleeping, not one wink. Her exterior wasn’t cracking and I knew I was on thin ice as to whether or not she was just going to get up and leave. “Please?” I smiled, she smiled, and the world seemed to be okay. I wasn’t injured for those two seconds, and we had been able to work out our problems. But then the real world came back, and none of that had been what my mini dream had been wished upon.

“Only if you do what the doctors say and get some sleep.” She smiled at that last part just a little bit too much and I could tell she enjoyed being able to boss me around.

“I promise.”

*****

I hadn’t gotten any sleep since the last time I made conversation with her. We watched bad infomercials on TV until it got to the point where our eyes were watering from the terribly cheesy lines.

“I think the robo-mop was the best one,” She laughed as she wrapped the hospital issued blanket around her legs and scooted higher up in the chair. I had offered numerous times to switch seats with her, but she kept flagging off my requests with: “You’re the one who is injured right now. I don’t need a bed.”

“Definitely not. The one about the automated dog pooper-scooper was fantastic. I need that when I go home for Sam.” She grinned once again, positive sign.

“I miss Sammy-Whammy.” I nodded. As much as I loved playing in Pittsburgh and living in one of the greatest sports towns in the US, I really did miss the comforts of home.

“My mom asked about you the other day...” Was it bad to play the ‘my mother was wondering how my ex-fiancée was doing’ card in the hospital? My brain was a little fuzzy, I took it was being okay. “Asked how everything is going... with… well, y’know…” She nodded and I knew at that moment I shouldn’t have said a word. About that situation or about anything even close to it. The look on her face told me a thousand different things and being asked about her personal life wasn’t one of those things that she wanted to be talking about.

“I’m sorry,” I finally broke he silence between us. She shook her head and let out a long yawn.

“It’s fine, Sid.” Despite her putting up a steel exterior about the situation I could tell, deep down, that it was making her squirm a little bit.

“No it’s not, Haley, it really isn’t okay.” I hadn’t gotten a chance to apologize for all of the shitty things I had said to her. I didn’t get a moment to say that in the moment I said everything that I didn’t mean. I was scared and confused and I didn’t know where exactly I was going in life. So I said stupid things and pushed the one woman I had ever loved in my entire life right back out of it.

“I don’t want to start this here, Sidney, I really don’t.” She closed her eyes and rested her head on the back of the chair. I pulled both of her hands into mine and squeezed them tight.

“I know you’re mad at me, deep down, and you have every right too. But forgive me; give me another chance. It’s the least you can do, right?” She didn’t open her eyes but continued on breathing deeply. If it weren’t for the fact that her eyes kept fluttering I would’ve thought she had fallen asleep on me.

“I don’t owe you anything, Sid. I wasn’t the one who gave up on us. I told you it would be fine, that we’d be fine. You gave up. You got scared and became a chicken, and you ran while you could.” The brutal honesty hit me hard. “I didn’t come here tonight because I anticipated you wheeling me back into a relationship, I came as a friend, and tomorrow morning I intend on leaving as one.” She closed her eyes once again and the deep breathing began once again. This time I knew she was asleep, however.

Pondering that last sentence I dropped her hands and moved closer to the center of the bed. She was right, I had given up, and I didn’t deserve anything—especially her. But I intended on fighting for her. Fighting until the day that I would give up, and I didn’t like giving up. The honesty that she gave me hurt, but I was going to use it to find any way in the book to get her back.