Kiss Me

“I talked with Pat today.” He spoke calmly as the mood in the room instantly deflated. Soon I became anxious and scared about what exactly he was going to say. “He told me this was a bad idea,” Instantly I assumed he was going to say he wanted out again. It was fucking typical. I continued to stir the pot of Alfredo that I had cooking on the stove without looking in his direction. If this was going to happen again I was crying into the goddamn pot and not in front of him.

“Well if you want, just see yourself to the door now.” I could hear him take a deep and exasperated sigh, and out of the corner of my eye he ran his hands through his hair. I looked back down at the pot again and focused on the Alfredo sauce. It was only time before he left. Again.

“So I fired him.” The statement came out quickly and I dropped the metal spoon onto the floor with a loud and ratchet sound. Instantly I turned to Sid.

“You did what?” I asked, not even bothering to pay attention to the spoon that was sitting on the floor and spreading Alfredo sauce all over my floor.

“I fired him. I told him that I didn’t want to have somebody so negative in my life that dealt with my professional life, and stuck his nose into my personal life. So I fired him.” I could have cried. Pat had been the root of a lot of the problems that Sid and I had in our personal lives. From day one of our relationship, Pat never liked me and made that very apparent.

“Are you crying?” Sidney asked and I looked down embarrassedly. Okay, I was crying. This was exciting news for me. “Hey, everything is going to be great, everything is going to be better than great.” He reminded me as he pressed my chin up to meet his eyes. I smiled up at him as he kissed my nose.

“Yeah, I know it will be.” I grinned like a small child. I could feel things beginning to change for the good. Things were going to go well, right?

*****

“I’m stuffed,” Sid chuckled as I settled down next to him on the couch. After stuffing my belly full of yummy food, I had changed into a pair of sweatpants (ones I was sure I had stole off of Sid) and padded into the living room. Rubbing my belly as the baby kicked fervernelty (probably wanting more of the chicken alfredo) I tapped his flat, and hard rock abs.

“How is your little food baby doing in there?” I asked him as I tried to get into a comfortable position. I couldn’t wait until I was nearly nine months and couldn’t see my toes. Not. He giggled and saw me pressing down on my stomach, it seemed to calm the baby down just a little bit whenever I did it.

“Has it started kicking yet?” He asked apprehensively. Instead of answering back to him, I lifted up the large tee shirt I was wearing, grabbed his hand, and placed it on the stretched skin. For a moment I spent looking for where exactly the best kick would take place, and when Sidney’s face light up like a Christmas tree, I knew he had gotten to feel that absolutely exhilarating experience.

“Yeah, it has. All the time, in the middle of the night, while I’m at work, while I’m in the shower, while I’m trying to pee, all it does it kick, kick, kick. I’m pretty sure I’m having a soccer player and not a hockey player.” He frowned and then placed his face up next to my belly before looking up, I grinned down at him. This was how I had envisioned the whole experience of being pregnant.

“Hey, little one, this is your daddy. I got to be honest with you, if you want to play soccer, that’s cool, but can you at least try hockey? I’d really love it. Chicks dig hockey players.” I absentmindedly rubbed his head. For some reason that simple act always put me into a trance.

“Why do you think it’s going to be a boy?” I asked quickly. He shrugged and continued to press around on my stomach, waiting for my kicks. Each time he felt a kick his face lit up more and more. “Do you have a preference?” I asked. Quite honestly I could have cared less whether the baby was a boy or girl, just so long as it was healthy and happy.

“No, most definitely not. I just think it would be cool to be able to have a little guy to be able to teach how to play… But I could always teach a girl too.” He looked up at me and smiled. “What do you want?” He questioned.

“As long as it’s healthy, I don’t care. I just want a healthy baby. Big fat baby with chubby cheeks and his or her daddy’s smile.” That damn fuckin’ smile.

“I do have a pretty sweet smile don’t I?” He scrunched up his nose and smiked towards me. Playfully I pushed his face away and pulled down my shirt.

“No more belly kicks for you, mister.” I chastised him with a grin.

“You wouldn’t deny me belly kicks now that I’ve discovered the healing powers that they serve. I may be back from my concussion tomorrow because of them.” He legitimately looked happy.

“Once I started feeling the belly kicks, it made the past couple of months a little more bearable, y’know?” I shrugged as my side began to cramp up. Instinctively I moved closer to him while trying to straighten out my cramp. A part of my brain told me to think about what I was doing (since I really hadn’t done much on the part of what exactly was going to happen) but I was able to shut it off. At least for a second.

“I’m sorry, Hale. I really am sorry again.” I shook my head. Tonight wasn’t the time and place for this. Tonight I wanted it to be fun and light and carefree. I didn’t want to worry about the past couple of months; it was stupid of me to make that comment anyways.

“I don’t want to hear apologies, Sidney. I want tonight to be done of that. Believe me, you have at least the next five months to make it up to me, if not even more. Trust me, you have a lot of groveling and begging to do before you’re really on my good graces. I just wanted a normal night of fun like we used to have. That is tonight. Tomorrow it will be a whole different story. We’re starting off fresh tomorrow, but I’m going to make you work for it.” He went to open his mouth, probably to counter my comment, but I shut him off.

“I don’t want to hear it. None of it. Tonight we are going to have fun and I’m going to tell you all about how your kid makes me pee twelve times an hour and how the first time I heard it’s heartbeat I cried for two days, and how all my hormonal changes basically makes me cry all the time. You’re in for a treat man, you know? You sure you don’t want to leave while you can?”

“I thought you said we’re going to have fun, not constantly asking if I was going to up and leave again? You know that I still feel bad about that---”

“And you should...”

“Jesus fucking Christ, Haley!”

“What?” I asked innocently.

I probably shouldn’t have said anything at all. He was right. But I was still hurting and for some reason I couldn’t keep it all away, not even for one night. Everything I bottled up for so long was starting to rise to the surface. I wanted to go one nice night before I let it blow. It was going to have to come undone eventually to make me feel better; I just didn’t want it being tonight.

I should apologize, I told myself. I should be the bigger person (more like I shouldn’t be such a little bitch about the situation) and should apologize for all the shitty things I said. Something deep down told me I was wrong, which I was, in a way. But I didn’t like to apologize.

We sat in silence.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean what I said earlier. I shouldn’t have said it. I really did want this evening to be nice.” I put my hand out as a truce and he took my hand in his. We intertwined fingers and everything just felt. It didn’t feel right or wrong; it just felt. He nodded his head and smiled.

“We really have to stop apologizing so much,” He grinned a big and toothy smile. I instantly melted. That fuckin’ smile.