The Academy of the Elite

I woke up to the buzz of my cell phone, which I had fallen asleep with in my hand. I looked at the time through blurry eyes, 5:37 am, way too early to be awake. I groan to myself, I will never be able to fall back to sleep now. I saw Vic’s name flash on my phone’s screen and yesterday flooded through my mind again. I fought a wave of nausea, so I could brave reading this text Vic sent me last night.

‘Why did you tell Kellin that you were no good for me? Why do you want me to stay away from you Lizzy? Did I do something wrong?’

I decided to reply, hoping since it was early I would not get a response until way later.

‘You didn’t do anything wrong Vic, you are great. It’s just, complicated, that’s all. I don’t want to hurt you or whatever. I am not the dating type.’

I erased the whole message, and started over.

‘Hey Vic, I really don’t know how to explain what Kellin said in a way you would understand. But you didn’t do anything wrong, your great.’

Nope.

‘Hey Vic, I am not sure what to say but you didn’t do anything wrong, you’re perfect.’

Definitely not this one.

‘Hey Vic, don’t sweat it we are cool, I just don’t know how to explain the rest. Just know that you didn’t do anything wrong.’

I hit send before I could over think this anymore than I already was. I mean I had already erased and retyped a response four times; I don’t want to spend all morning dwelling on this. I was shocked when my phone buzzed from his reply, why is he up so early?

‘Good Morning *yawns* you woke me up :) I am glad to hear that we are still good.’

‘Sorry Vic, I didn’t mean to wake you up. Go back to sleep and I will talk to you later.’

‘No its fine, I don’t mind being woken up by you.’

I didn’t know what to say to that. I stared at the message as I racked my mind for something clever to say, or just a nice way to change the subject. I was relieved when my phone buzzed again and it was another message from him. No need to wonder about what to say to that last message. I thought I was being let off the hook, but when I read the new text I realized I was wrong.

‘Lizzy, I want to know why you want me to stay away from you.’

‘I don’t know what to say Vic. Rumor has it . . . I just am not sure the nature of our relationship and it scares me. I don’t know what else to say but I think you are too awesome to waste any time on me. I hear you are quite the musical genius, chicks love guys who can sing ;)’

I reread the message a hundred times, not sure if I should send this text. What if he takes it the wrong way? I danced my finger over the send button when I hear a voice outside my door, and jump pressing send. I discarded my phone and opened the door just a crack, on my welcome mat was a package. I opened my door all the way and looked around. I saw no one, so I quickly picked up the package and brought it in. I wasn’t sure what it could be or even who it was from but I opened it cautiously. In the box was two long stemmed roses, with a small card that said 'one for each kiss we have shared Liza.' I was stunned with Zac’s gesture, he was being so romantic and I was flattered to the core. I smiled and smelled the flowers and for a moment allowed myself to feel special. The moment passed when I heard my phone buzz almost angrily on my nightstand.

‘I don’t want some chick. I am not even good with girls, I just. . . I am a c+ with the ladies at best. As for our relationship, we are friends right? That’s all you need to worry about right now.’

I felt relief and a pang in the same moment as I read his words. We are friends, just friends, nothing more Lizzy; see? You imagined all that other stuff. I knew I was being silly; I chuckled to myself and ignored the slight trembling in my hands. I was being dramatic; he and I are just friends.

‘Cool :3 so I will talk to you later Vic. I want to try and take a quick nap before breakfast.’

I turned my phone off and curled up in a ball with my two roses laying at my side. I didn’t feel any better than I did last night but at least I knew that if I choose to, I could be with Zac and Vic wouldn’t get hurt. I lay motionless until I heard the students start rushing towards school breakfast, so I quickly washed up, changed into my pair of bell bottom jeans, a loose tied dyed pattern cotton tunic and a hippie headband. I tease my hair a bit, which means I rubbed the top of my head while making a pouty face at the mirror, and headed out barely remembering to put on my low heeled white cowboy boots.

Breakfast smelled so great, and I was relieved to get out of my bed, escaping the stench of sadness that reeked in my room. I was almost in a good mood until my eyes landed on Vic who was beaming ear to ear. My stomach dropped and before I could sneak out Roxy linked her arm with mine, leading me to the already crowded table. I tried hard not to stare at Vic, who's head was bare today, leaving his gorgeous brown hair the center of my attention. I wanted to run my fingers through it, just to see if it felt as soft as it looks. Instead I looked away and smiled at Roxy, who in a red mock turtle neck sweater dress with black kitten heels, looked stunning.

“You look cute sweetie, very unique, I love it.” She smiled at me while putting me to sit between her and Vic.

Kellin gave me an awkward grin and ordered the vegan delight breakfast for me, probably sensing I was in no mood to speak. This breakfast was a plate of hash browns, with tofu scramble, a cup of freshly squeezed orange juice and whole grain toast on the side. I gave him a grateful smile and just listened to the chatter around me. When my food got to the table I was grateful for a justified reason for my silence: eating. While silently eating my breakfast I noticed Ally was nowhere to be found, I wonder where she could be. I tried not to worry about her, or focus on Vic’s body heat so close to mine when Kellin nudged my knee. I looked up and he mouthed at me. . .

“You would look way hotter if you smiled.”

I laughed knowing that he dares not to raise his voice because his girlfriend would freak out. She sat with her body facing towards him, eyes trained on her plate at the moment but you could tell he was her only interest. She glared at me when she heard my laughter then eyed Kellin suspiciously. He gave her a beautiful smile and she instantly relaxed and went back to eating her bacon, egg and cheese on a roll. Her short glare made me giggle more, I mean seriously how paranoid can you be? Vic’s hands grazed mine as I reached for my juice and I refused to look at him. I wanted nothing more than to let my crush die away so we can be friends, just friends. I didn’t want to look into his eyes after a spark traveled up my body from the brief grazing of his fingers. I had to let all these foolish emotions die off, so I focused on clearing my plate as fast as I could.

After breakfast I declined Roxy’s offer to hang out with her Jonny and Vic. Instead I choose to follow Jaime to the guitar room. He was quiet most times and seemed to be sweet enough for me to hang out with, without any pressure or questions. I stepped into the room after him, briefly admiring the beautiful couches and guitars that hung on the wall. He picked up his bass and smiled at me when I sat down next to him, picking up a beautiful handcrafted Spanish guitar. I ran my hand along the German spruce top recognizing, instantly that it was an 1837 Manuel Gutierrez classic guitar. The Brazilian rosewood body adding to the brilliant beauty of this instrument, I lightly strummed a few cords while humming.

“Why aren’t you music major?” Jaime asks me, pulling my attention from the instrument in my hands.

“I didn’t want to compete against Ally; besides I have more of a flair for the dramatics. I love being on stage and acting too much to just put it to the side for music. Plus the way I see it, is now I get to do both.”

He nodded, “I get that.”

Jaime didn’t try to force conversation; we mostly sat in comfortable silence playing music to ourselves. I could tell he was practicing a song for the band with the way he mumbled cords to himself. He kept shaking his head every time he got a cord wrong, the sweet smile on his face ever present. I felt comfortable with him, no need to fuss or worry about anything. I was completely at ease for the first time in a while. Soon my humming turned into soft singing and Jaime’s playing silenced as he began to listen to me. When I was through singing the song, he quietly clapped and smiled at me.

“You sang that song so amazingly and you play great too. Maybe you will end up a music major after all.”

He packed up his bass, patted my shoulder and left me to my music. I sang Vic’s song, playing each cord with a sweet sorrow behind it. I sang each word as if it were my very own song. I regretted each moment of it, because it just made me think of him. How he held my hands and stared into my eyes, how he just seems to sincerely want to know what makes me tick. I think the really scary part was if he hadn’t clarified that we were just friends I might have let him see what I was all about. I put the guitar back where it was when I came in. I walked out of the room and I spotted Vic sitting by a tree writing in a notebook and all but ran past him. Ally texted me to meet her at the café for lunch and I didn’t want to keep her waiting.

When I got into the café I spotted Ally sitting at the table furthest to the back. Her hair was in a ponytail, and she wore a band tee with skinny jeans. I could tell she got off to a bad start because of the scowl on her face. I knew it had to do with Max so I told her to brush it off, that I was sure he would apologize. I could tell she was half way listening; her mind was on other things. So I just spoke about rehearsal today reminding her to meet me at 3 at the studio. She hugged me and scurried away, I hoped she went to the arcade like I told her, I am certain she can relax there. I sat at the café a few moments after Ally left and Zac slipped into the seat in front of me. His blue eyes standing out because of the blue button down he wore.

“Why are you wearing glasses?” I laughed taking in his full appearance knowing he must be in costume.

He wore a plaid bow tie with his button down. His hair was gelled and comb over to the left of his head. He wore brown khaki high water pants. He looked so adorable.

“Showcase rehearsal, someone still has to do the ten minutes skit for the freshman orientation, so Roxy and I will be playing a lovely couple from the fifties.”

“Do you have to kiss her?” I reach for his hand weaving our fingers together, ignoring the part of me that wished he was Vic.

“Why, are you jealous?”

I wanted to say no, but a small bold part of me spoke up coyly saying, “Maybe.”

He laughed and I felt myself smile - I had accomplished that. He leaned over the table and tap kissed me.

“Don’t be,” he brushed his fingers across my face.

“Hello,” I saw Roxy standing above us, a sad smile on her face. “We have rehearsing to do Zac.”

He got up and left the café before her; she slipped into the seat opposite me and sighed.

“So you made up your mind, huh?” I could hear the disappointment in her voice.

“You guys had it all wrong; Vic told me this morning that we are just friends. So there is nothing going on, he just wants to be my friend. So I guess Vic made the choice for me.”

I knew that those words alone confirmed that I was crushing on Vic, but with this new development I knew it wouldn’t matter. I am sure that Zac will be moving on soon as well, I just wanted to enjoy him while I could.

“Liz, what are you going to do if he asks you to be his girlfriend? Then you guys will be announced and Vic will be heartbroken.”

My stomach lurched, “he isn’t going to ask Roxy, not when Zac finds out who I really am.”

She rolled her eyes at me; half hugged me and walked away. I could tell she saw through my smile, she knew I was upset about the Vic thing. I could tell by the look in her eyes. I occupy my thoughts with cleaning off my table and headed off to the clearing in the woods Zac took me to my first day here. I sat myself on the wooden stage and sighed. I got up and faced my invisible audience, preparing to perform a poem I had written after my first day of school.

“Behold, the beauty that lay within brown eyes,
The way his blue eyes sparkle when he looks at me
The song he sings, the way he acts. . .”

I release into the air the mixed emotions I have harbored for these guys for these past few days. It feels like I have been here forever but when I think about it, I have been here for four days. Only four days! I can’t believe it; I shook my head and plopped down after my emotions were emptied. I rolled my eyes at how stupid I felt and laughed to myself. I didn’t want to be caught here so I scrambled to the studio and started to tune my guitar. Ally walked in and I was in no mood to speak, so I told her about possibly changing the third song and then led us straight into rehearsal.

I didn’t leave the studio until it was time for dinner. When I got into the cafeteria I headed straight to a two seat table wanting to be alone. I spot Vic and I could tell he was headed towards me. I wasn’t sure what to do or how to react but I felt my breathing get labored. I kept my eyes focused on the table and told myself to relax, he is just a friend. Just a good friend, that’s all.

“Hey Lizzy, can we talk?”

I fake a smile and look up at him, “Sure we can, buddy.”

“Are you Zac’s girlfriend?”

I look into his brown eyes and something in me cracks, “I don’t know.”

I start playing with my hands, twiddling my fingers, folding and unfolding them. Just waiting for him to speak, I felt like it was forever that I sat waiting. When I looked up he was walking away, and I was crying. I could see Ally from the corner of my eye but I had to speak to Vic. I had to know why he cared, so I ran after him.

“Why does it matter?” I shouted after him as I rushed through the doors.

He turned around and faced me, “why does what matter?”

“If I am with Zac, you said we are friends. Just friends.”

He walks up to me and grabs my face.

“Lizzy, how blind can you be? Do you think I just met you at this school? Don’t you remember me? I used to work at the supermarket down the block from your complex, for three months before getting into this school. We had to wait for the band audition that only happens once every five years. So the boys and I got a crappy apartment and all got jobs. I used to watch you, head hanging low, eyes on the floor. I wondered about you, I wondered who hurt you. You were crying once, eye swollen, mumbling that Ally had poor choice in friends and walked up to me. You told me you wished that someone could take you away from here, that someone would look you in your eye and call you beautiful. You were having a meltdown, you danced around the real reason you were in pain, and I could never forget the pain that was burning in your eyes. I know that was a year and a half ago but I have never forgotten that look. You can imagine how surprised I was to see you here, how much I wanted to replace the memory of your sad eyes with a smile. I want to make you happy Lizzy; I want to help you see that you aren’t the only one who hurts. I want you to know that you aren’t alone. I really, really like you.”

I stared at him, the recognition finally setting in. I remember him smiling at me, every time I went into his line. Sometimes he would give me price breaks and I wondered if he would get in trouble, but I would always say thank you. I can’t believe I didn’t remember him before, then again that was a few months after the nightmares has started and then Ally got involved with some bad kids who jumped me. I had almost told him everything assuming I would never see him again. Ironic, isn’t it? I look into his eyes and feel overwhelmed with the information he just gave me. I was dizzy, I felt like I was going to faint. I take two steps back from him and lose my balance. He kept me from falling.

“Don’t let me mess this up, Vic.” He looked at me confused, but didn’t let go of my waist. “I am scared,” I trembled, “I don’t know how to deal with this. I do like you, but I like Zac too. I just. . .”

He pulls back and gives me a sweet sad smile.

“Don’t worry Lizzy; I will give you the time you need to figure this out.”

Vic walked away, not looking back at me, headed towards his room. I just stood there, for what felt like hours, until Kellin came and got me. He held my hand and led me back into the cafeteria. He took me to a corner table, with three seats and for the second time today ordered my meal. Roxy and him made sure I ate, and then they walked me to my room and stood there waiting when I didn’t go inside.

“You guys, can you keep a secret?” I felt the words burning in my chest finally dying to be released, they nodded their heads. “I was raped.”

Then I opened the door to my room and closed it, not once looking at their expressions but in that moment I felt five pounds lighter.