I Don't Love You

*Frank's POV; Chapter 31

So I paced around Alliyson's increasingly dirty bedroom, ... as Atreyu put it quite nicely 'like a lamb before the slaughter'.

What to do .. what to do.

Any minute she'd burst in, that gorgeous face that I'd learned to love over the past ... how long was it? I wasn't too good with numbers, never cared enough for that kind of stuff.

I never cared about much until I met Alliyson, now did I? Usually I wouldn't give two shits but now I cared about how long it was since I met her.

I ran my fingers through my now way too long hair and sighed, planting myself on the edge of Alliyson's bed and faced the closet. I then stuffed my head in the palm of my hands.

What was I doing? We were so caught up in the moment and I was about to share something so special with the person I loved.

Yes, I finally said it. I love her.
And its because I love her that we couldn't go any farther.

I was about to pull apart and tell her I loved her, and that I wanted this for both of us. But what did I really want? Did I want this to be a one time thing or did I want to be with her forever? As much as I want for it to be a forever time thing, it would never be. I wanted Demesne to be a one time thing and it turned into much more, no idea how it even spiraled out of control like that.

But regardless, it did. And I couldn't really go back on that now could I? No matter what I did, Demesne would always be around.

But I would not know if Alliyson would always be around and as much as I wanted someone to be able to tell me if that would happen, no one had that ability.

As much as I wanted to feel her next to me, have her run her delicate skinny fingers through my hair and give me that smile that always sent my heart into a frenzy, I wasn't sure if it was ever going to happen.

And I sure as hell didn't want to have it happen on the couch of her living room, both her and I having run away and just finished watching Who Framed Roger Rabbit.

No matter how fucking kick ass that movie was.

And duh, what about mother fucking John Cena? That big ass man that could tear me into shreds with his bare hands, rip off all of my tattoos. What would he think if he found out his girlfriend, the girl he loved had slept with the guitarist of a band. The girl he loved had cheated on him?

How would that make him feel? I didn't want to have him rip me apart but I also didn't want to have Alliyson hurt him on my behalf, no matter how much it hurt me to be apart from her. I wouldn't want to be madly in love with Demesne, giving her everything her heart desired only to have her cheat on me with a .. less important person than myself.

But god how cold I felt, sitting on the corner of this bed, without her. Without her in my arms I felt incomplete, almost like Casper from the movie. Like I needed something to help complete myself, remind me of when I was alive. But sometimes having something to make you complete is also the same thing you can't have, leaving you in the position you were put in for a reason.

Now I heard the door open and my breath caught in my throat as Alliyson stepped into the room. I didn't look up at her, I didn't have the guts. I didn't want to see her crying, and I didn't want to cry.

She sat down in front of me but I still didn't remove my hands from my face and she touched my knee softly, rubbing her thumb along the cap. I shivered and shifted my knee, as if hinting to her not to do that and she sighed loudly.

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder," Alliyson whispered.

Fuck that, no matter how much that quote was true it was making it harder for me to will myself not to remove myself from the position I was in. Yes, absence really made the heart grow fonder as I slipped farther and farther into the cracks, almost exploding until I finally took my hands away from my face and looked away, anywhere but her face.

"There they are ...," She mumbled and I snorted.

"Who?," I asked somberly.

"Those gorgeous eyes of yours that I missed."

Silence. Complete silence.

"What the fuck are we doing Alliyson?," I finally asked, almost inaudible and Alliyson took my hands in hers.

"Whatever we were meant to do Frankie," She answered and I sighed.

"Whats going to happen after this?," I asked, almost afraid for the answer.

"We'll wake up. But not from this is as a dream, this as a reality."

"What do you mean?," I asked and she sat up, kneeling in front of me and tilted my face up to look at hers. Her huge brown eyes burnt into mine and I felt a tear slide my cheek, using both hers and my own hand to wipe it away.

"Be it as it may Frank. Don't always think everything through and if your decisions a mistake, learn from it. Don't dwell on your mistakes and never regret, do you understand me? You regret so much on Demesne, you consider her one of the mistakes in your life. But you shouldn't because what are you learning out of this Frank?," She said, her warm breath sliding across my lips, her words sinking into me.

"I'm not sure yet," I replied, still never breaking our eye contact.

"And then when you finally figure it out, you won't regret everything so much. Sometimes I feel like you regret coming out here with me, I don't think you really know what this is," She concluded and my heart dropped.

"I would never regret this. Ever. I know exactly what this is."

"The what is it?," She questioned.

"Whatever it's supposed to be. If I don't know then I guess I don't know, and right now that's fine with me," I replied and she looked away, down at our hands that lie on my legs.

"Hey .. look at me," I ordered, using both her hand and mine to tilt her face up towards mine.

"Let go Frank," She whispered and I was slightly taken aback. What?

"Let go and let life take you where it wants to go," She finished and looked up at me, planting a kiss on my lips, arising every feeling that I had back on that couch in me and swirling around in my heart.

I bent down, slowly picking Alliyson up in my arms and not removing myself from her face as I softly planted her down on the bed. I hovered over her, slipping my tongue in her mouth and gliding over her own, loving the response I was getting from her as she moaned softly. She gripped onto me as I slid onto my side and pulled her with me, both of us a tangled mess in the middle of the bed. I pressed myself against her, not caring if she felt my now growing erection (hey, those things come back quick) throbbing next to her thigh, sort of vibrating through the material separating us.

I never felt so alive, so complete as I pulled up her shirt a little, slipping my hands under and slowly grazing her back as she ran her small fingers through my probably extremely greasy hair. I moaned loudly as she sucked on my tongue, simply playing tag with my tongue after as I moaned louder when she pulled away, slightly nibbling on my bottom lip, her tongue rings almost at my chin. My tongue still hanging out waiting for hers and my eyes shot open, searching hers for an answer before she let go and pressed one finger against my lips.

"I'm only going to ask you this once," She began and I panted next to her, waiting for her question so I could get back to the warmth of her mouth. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

"I'll let this go as far as it will take me," I replied, pushing away any thoughts of doubt.

Alliyson gave me a quick smile before quickly attaching herself back to my mouth hungrily, not even caring about being delicate as she rammed her tongue into my mouth, lapping up the front of my tongue. I moaned in ecstasy, this really must be what heaven was like.

She pulled away from me, kissing down to my neck and nibbled at a few spots before going to her absolute favorite place, the middle where my Adams apple was. She nibbled around, grazing her tongue over the places as I grunted and panted. She reached down and when I was sure she was about to grab my dick she snapped the elastic of my pajama pants, causing me to call out 'Oh!' really loudly.

"That's really not fair ...," I moaned from above her, still panting as she played with my now almost full blown erection, still attached to my neck.

She giggled a little and snapped the elastic once more before removing her hands to pull up on my shirt, until it was completely over my head and off my body. Then she went back to nibbling on my neck, slipping her tongue over the space under my Adam's apple until I called for mercy.

Thinking this wasn't fair I planted myself between her legs, after spreading them apart and wrapping one around me.

"Do you feel what you fucking did to me?," I growled and she moaned a yes, still sucking on my neck. She nodded, still sucking and groaning and teasing the skin.

I just couldn't handle it anymore !

I flipped her on her back, me hovering over her and she being forced to separate from my neck. I growled down at her seductively, still pressing myself against her and she smiled childishly up at me. I kissed her, slipping my tongue past her lips to collide with hers while ripping the sheets off the made up bed, until they sat in heaps around us. I pressed my hand against the small of her back, lifting her up and stuffing both her and myself under the covers.

Soon after I thanked .. whoever I was supposed to thank that Alliyson tore my shirt off before because it seriously got hot as fuck under there rather quickly. Alliyson grabbed onto me, pressing our stomachs together until I just couldn't take it anymore, riping off her stupid little tank top and we collided back into our kiss as I worked my hands down her back to her shorts, slowly pulling those stupid little things off quickly and pressed our hips together until she groaned loudly. So I put my hands back on her back, undoing the straps on her bra until she let me peel it off of her and she slid her hands down my chest, down my stomach until she got to my pajama pants and she pulled them down right when I revealed her entire body to myself and stared at her in awe, skin touching skin.

Electricity surged through me. Because to me, she was absolutely beautiful. I could feel the room, and reality, slipping away as I melted into her arms, noticing everything about her for the first time. Her perfume, her beautiful body. I traced her with my fingertips, letting them run all over her, her arms, her hips ... Her tattoo shined up at me and it almost brought tears to my eyes at the symbol etched on her stomach. I slid my fingers over it as Alliyson grabbed my hand and brought it to her lips, kissing the 'H-a-l-l-o' on my fingers, then clasped my hand with her own and looked up at me.

"You ready?," She asked breathlessly and I took a deep breath and nodded, Alliyson bringing her lips to mine softly.

And you know what? That's where I leave you.

Because as you know, the rest is all just dust in the wind.

Although in the back of my mind I had the image of John Cena bursting through the door, tearing Alliyson out from under me and beating the fuck out of me, and then throwing me through a window, I still slid myself into her and let fate take me wherever I was meant to be.

Which, right now, was giving myself to the girl I loved.

I didn't care about John anymore as her back convulsed in pure ecstasy and I don't know, perhaps its the risk of this whole situation that is giving me the feeling of a test, the chance to see what was really going to happen now.

Nothing but tangled legs and sheets; sweat, love and lust, moans and maybe just a little left over.