I Don't Love You

*Frank's POV; Chapter 40

On the night before we had a day off I flew down to New Jersey so that the next day (the one we had off) I could get down to Thompson Rehabilitation Center.

On the plane there I slept because I had just played a whole show and now I had to take an agonizing flight to Jersey and then wake up like five hours later to go to the Rehab.

For what, Demesne? This was bullshit.

I couldn't even remember the last time I saw Demesne. I'd almost forgotten what she looked like. I couldn't even remember the sound of her voice.

There was only one persons soft, silky voice floating through my mind. Only one persons face I would never be able to forget. Everywhere I went, I'd see someone who looked like her or sounded like her.

Someone with her laugh, someone with her smile.

Flying to Jersey almost reminded me of flying down to New York but I shook all these memories from my mind and walked into my basically empty home.

Mikey and Alicia had moved to New York, I think they got an apartment in Manhattan. I couldn't remember.

All that was in my house now was my stuff, Demesne barely left any of her stuff since it was probably all over Jersey and I'd left my dogs with my mom since I was touring.

I dropped my bag and flopped down on the couch, not even bothering to check the time and fell into a deep sleep. At first I had a lovely dream, I was basically lying in bed with Alliyson. And then she got up and walked away, then walked back in with a doll that looked like me and scissors. Then John came in and hugged her and they sat there making out for a while. While they were making out Alliyson cut out the heart in the doll that looked like me.

I'd been having metaphoric dreams like this for while.

When I woke up I felt more drained and weak then ever, oddly enough as it is. I showered and got changed and found the address for that rehab center, found my phone and Santi, the new Academy Is... album and jumped into the car.

William Beckett's odd, relaxing, not strained voice came streaming back at me through the speakers of the Jeep as I tore through New Jersey, searching for this place.

After about 30 minutes of driving I finally ended up in front of a huge, white building with barred windows. The front reminded me of a hospital, lots of steps and a ramp for wheelchairs. It was a strangely split area, most of it with grass behind a fence with no gate. At the front was a small room with a security guard inside, sitting reading a magazine.

I smirked and turned Santi off of shuffle. How the hell had Demesne manage to land herself in such a ... professional, expensive place?

I turned off the car and stepped out, zipping up my 'Black Parade' hoodie. (I refused to wear my favorite one after having Alliyson wear it, and her smell never leaving it.) I walked up to the security guard in the little room and knocked on the window.

"Hello, welcome to the Thompson Rehabilitation Center, how may I help you?," The tall male directed at me. His mustache twitched when he spoke and his blue eyes seemed dull and bored. His name tag read 'Fred'.

"Uh hi, my names Frank Iero," I mumbled, unsure how I was supposed to exactly say this. "I got a call from here a couple days ago saying that I had to come in for Demesne Travis."

"What was your last name again?," Fred asked, pulling out a clipboard from the desk on the side and flipping over a couple sheets.

"Eye-ear-o. I-e-r-o," I explained and he searched the sheet and then looked back up at me.

"License and credit card?," He asked and I furrowed my eyebrows at him. "Security measures."

I pulled out my wallet anyway and handed him my license and one of my credit cards. He scanned it on this machine, typed something up on something else and handed it back to me. He then printed a sticker and gave it to me.

"This is your visitor's pass. I'm going to open the gate and you just have to step inside those front doors up there. There's a woman named Marge at the front desk, she'll help you from then on," Fred directed and I put the sticker on my sweatshirt.

I nodded and he pressed a button, and the gates opened. I walked through them up a pathway to the many stairs until I got to the top and walked through the doors into the building.

The walls were a sick, hospital white and like Fred said there was a large woman at the front desk wearing white nurse hospital clothes. She had curly red hair and old lady glasses and glanced at me when I walked inside.

"Mr. Iero?," She asked and I nodded.

"Come with me," She directed and motioned for me to follow her to the left towards a large stairwell to a door marked 'George Thompson III; Director'.

"Mr. Thompson?," 'Marge' asked, knocking on the door lightly. I heard a male respond 'Yes?' and 'Marge' coughed uncomfortably.

"Mr. Iero is here to see you," She concluded and opened the door, basically pushing me inside.

The office was like a principals office in a highschool, clad with a large desk and a man behind it in a black suit. He looked up from his papers on his desk and took off his glasses while standing up. He stretched out his hand to me and I shook it.

"Hello Mr. Iero, I'm Mr. Thompson, the Director of this Center," Mr. Thompson said and I nodded.

"Call me Frank," I said and he nodded as well. "Sit down," he asked and I sat in one of the chairs in front of his desk.

"Well I'm guessing you have no idea why I've called you here to meet me," He started but I cut him off.

"Demesne."

"Well yes, Ms. Travis had come to join us to deal with her problems. Were you aware that she had become addicted to Marijuana, Cocaine, Alcohol, and had been snorting prescription medicine?," Mr. Thompson asked and I nodded sadly.

"It's probably tough watching someone you love become so dependent on drugs and alcohol but that's what we're here for," He continued and I almost laughed out loud.

Did this idiot really think I was here because I felt bad because I loved Demesne?

What was I even doing here?

"I'm sorry Mr. Thompson but I'm not really .. involved with Demesne anymore," I began and he held up his hand.

"Say no more. Well the matter at hand is that Demesne had been caught by the local police and after she was released on bail and her hearing was coming up she came to us for help to get clean," He continued and I snorted.

Smart girl.

Mr. Thompson ignored my snort and continued, "And here at our Rehabilitation Center when you start to show progress, which Ms. Travis has begun to show, you are allowed one visitor. And Ms. Travis specifically asked that we contact you in any way possible."

Wow, wasn't expecting 'progress' and 'Demesne' in the same sentence.

"That's why I'm here? Because she wanted to see me?," I mused and he nodded. "Aren't there some papers I've got to sign?"

"Oh yes that's right, we need some more of her history and Demesne was unable to give us much because of her withdrawal from drugs," He said and went through some papers on his desk and handed me one and a pen.

"If you could just quickly finish that up for us that would be great."

I scanned over the sheet, it asking basic questions like where Demesne was from and what she was allergic to, stuff like that. Well thats bullshit, Demesne definitely could've done this herself.

I finished the sheet and handed it to him and he filed it in a folder and turned to me.

"Well I guess we'll go see her now then?," Mr.Thompson asked and I gave him a fake smile.

"Sure, why not?"

He then stood up, leading me out of his office back down the stairs into the hallway and Marge's desk sat in the middle. There was now other nurses at the table and they eyed me as we walked past. I stuffed my hands in my pockets.

Mr. Thompson then walked through another hallway and through a seating area into some kind of living room with a desk at the front and more nurses seated at it. In the living room there were people ... I guess patients you could say, seated around. Most of them were by the television in the corner of the room and some were playing chess with baby pieces.

This was ridiculous, these people weren't four !

I finally found Demesne though, she was seated at a table with a bunch of other girls. They were all laughing and talking but Demesne sat quietly, writhing her hands under the table.

"Ms. Travis !," Mr. Thompson called and the girls chatter died down, Demesne looked up at the sound of her name and locked eyes with me. She stood up slowly and I looked down at the floor.

Mr. Thompson lead both Demesne and I to the backyard from the living room towards a table. Demesne and I sat down and he started to walk away, mumbling 'You have fifteen minutes.'

I watched him walk back inside and stand at the doorway facing us. I looked back at Demesne who was watching me intently now. The wind blew her hair all over the place but her eyes never left mine.

She looked different. She was wearing a white shirt that was too big for her size and white sweatpants. She had on slip on shoes and all her piercings were gone. She looked more pale then she usually did, her eyes strained and tired with bags under them, her steely blue eyes loosing all of their shine. Her hair looked straggly and messy, longer than it usually was.

"Your piercings are gone," She finally said.

I just stared at her.

"So where's your little girlfriend?," She mused, a bitter smirk coming across her pale, dull, chapped lips.

I kept staring at her.

"What, nothing to say?," Demesne snapped and I blinked at her.

"You're in rehab," I said bluntly and she rolled her eyes.

"No Frank, this is just a Christmas party."

"I didn't have to come you know."

"But you did anyway."

I kept looking at her.

"Look at what you've become Alliyson."

Demesne blinked at me and gasped.

"What?"

"You called me Alliyson," She snapped and I stared at her.

"No I didn't."

"Yes you did. What happened?," She asked, tilting her head to the side and I looked away, feeling my eyes water at just the sound of her name.

"Nothing."

"Yes there is, something happened. What? Are you dating her now?"

"No Demesne."

"Well we've been over so why not?"

My eyes got worse and I could feel the tears threatening to fall. I turned back to her and her eyes widened at me. I slammed the table with my hand.

"She fucking left me all right ! Is that what you wanted to hear? I hope you're happy !," I yelled and she stared at me in shock.

"No Frank, that's not what I wanted to hear," She mumbled after about a minute of silence.

Tears poured down my face as I flickered my eyes at her. "What do you mean?"

"I thought she was going to be with you. I thought you were going to be happy."

"What are you on about?," I growled and she looked away from me at the tree not too far from us.

"She makes you happy. She makes you every emotion that you've ever felt. You love her a lot too, probably more than you ever loved me or could've ever loved me. No matter what Frank, all I've ever wanted for you was to be happy. I thought Alliyson was going to be that for you."

"She is," I cried and buried my head in my hands, not having the strength to continue this conversation any longer.

"Then go to her," Demesne said simply and I could feel her eyes on me. My head rose from my hands so I could stare at her in bewilderment.

"Now I don't know this for sure but she loves you. I don't know how anyone can not love you. She's probably at home crying right now, about whatever reason it is you guys aren't together right now. And I know you want to be with her or else you wouldn't have not gave a damn about yours and my relationship. I noticed right from the get go that you were more interested in her than you've ever been in me and so that's why I'm telling you to go home right now and talk to her."

"Demesne it's not that easy," I muttered and she scoffed.

"Nothing in life is easy unless you make it that way," She advised and stood up from the table. "Now I've got to go back in there because it's almost time for dinner and I'm afraid our fifteen minutes are up, according to Thompson."

I stood up too and kept looking at her. My god how Demesne had grown as a person.

"I love you Frank, and I always will but right now you've got to do what you think is right and that's talk to her," She said quietly and hugged me, turned around and headed back inside the building.