Deathbeds

Eyes like a car crash,
I know I shouldn't look, but I can't turn away.

I sat there twiddling my thumbs as I sat there with the other touring bands. A week ago we had all set out on tour together and today was the first night that we were spending in a hotel. Right now all of us were trying to figure out who was staying with whom. That's when I glanced across from me and I glanced into his sea green eyes.

Body like a whiplash,
Salt my wounds, but I can't heal the way I feel about you.

"Vic," my brother said nudging my arm and I just looked at him with confusion in my eyes.
"Yeah?" I asked.
"You alright? You zoned out there for a minute," he said and I just nodded my head before glancing at the floor.
"You sure?" he asked.
"I'm fine, Mike," I said, there wasn't a hint of emotion in my voice.
None of them knew of what I was thinking.

I watch you like a hawk,
I watch you like I'm gonna tear you limb from limb

I didn't dare to glance back up at his eyes. I knew for a fact that he was staring at me. Neither of us could forget about the last time we toured together. It had been so wonderful and at the same time, we both knew that this would be the outcome. He returned the woman and child that he loved very much and I was stuck in the position I am now, staring at him from the distanced wishing that he was in my arms once again. I knew that he would never be mind again though. He belonged to her.

Will the hunger ever stop?
Can we simply starve this sin?

The rooms were being called out and neither mine or his name had been called yet.
"Mike, you'll be rooming with Tony. Jack, you'll be rooming with Gabe. Jesse, you'll be with Jaime. Kellin, you'll be with Vic," our tour manager called out and I felt my heart drop in my chest.
I looked up once again and he stared at me with an expression that was barely readable. I couldn't tell if it was anger, fright, or just sadness. It looked like a mixture of feelings all rolled into one.

That little kiss you stole,
It held my heart and soul,
And like a deer in the headlights I meet my fate.

The keys were handed over to me and I picked up my bag that was sitting on the floor. Kellin joined my side and the two of us walked to the elevator in silence. We didn't have any words for each other. Everything was awkward between us. It had been since the tour was over, it had been since I saw him walk up to her and he left my life for quite a while. I glanced over at him and I saw him staring straight ahead, as if he was trying to avoid me completely. I didn't blame him though.

Don't try to fight the storm,
You'll tumble overboard,
Tides will bring me back to you.

I unlocked the door to the room and stepped inside only to see that our room only had one bed. I cursed under my breath as I glanced over at him once again. He only walked past me and into the bathroom before shutting the door behind him. What's his issue? I shook it off and pulled a notebook out of my bag before sitting down on the edge of the bed and began to write down words to a new song that I had floating around in my head.

And on my deathbed, all I'll see is you,
The life may leave my lungs,
But my heart will stay with you.

My mind drifted off at one point or another because I found myself staring out the window remembering what had happened between Kellin and I.
Our hands were laced together as he looked at me with his eyes and a small smile graced his lips.
"You're beautiful, Kels," I whispered and a blush rose on his cheeks.
"You are too, Vic," he said leaning closer and giving me a light kiss.
I loved the feeling of him being this close to me and we didn't have a care in the world. Everything was perfect, or so I thought.

That little kiss you stole,
It held my heart and soul,
And like a ghost in the silence I disappear.

Tour neared it's end too soon and the day we all went our separate ways, I found him with her. He held his baby girl in his arms and there was a smile on his face as he looked at the woman who he was engaged to. They had been together for such a long time and I knew that he wasn't about to leave her anytime soon. When he noticed me, he gave me a small smile and I just shook my head and walked away without thinking twice.
I sighed as the flashback left my mind and I noticed Kellin standing in front of me waving his hand in front of my face.

Don't try to fight the storm,
You'll tumble overboard,
Tides will bring me back to you.

"Are you still there?" he asked with a hint of confusion in his voice.
"Y-Yeah," I stuttered looking back down at my notebook, not meeting his eyes.
"You weren't a minute ago. What were you thinking about?" Kellin asked.
"Nothing," I said.
This was the first time we had a conversation with each other since the beginning of tour. We had been avoiding each other for the most part since the beginning, but it was nice to be speaking to him once again.

The waves will pull us under,
Tides will bring me back to you,
The waves will pull us under,

We sat there in silence once again. Night had already approached and I had just sat there with my notebook in my lap just doodling whatever came to mind. Some of it was just simple lyrics, others were small drawings. I glanced over at Kellin to see him putting his phone down before letting off a small sigh.
"I should have known," he muttered.

Tides will bring me back to you,
The waves will pull us under.

"What?" I asked him and he looked up at me with surprise.
"Katelynne.. She..." he began and he just shook his head before saying, "Katelynne just called off our engagement. She said she can't take this anymore. She's tired of me being gone all the time and she hates the fact that I'm not able to see Copeland growing as quickly as she is. She said that she actually wanted someone to be by her side all the time and not halfway across the country trying to make people's lives better."
"If she truly loved you then she wouldn't do anything like that," I said without thinking and I covered my mouth realizing what I said.

Tides will bring me back to you.
Tides will bring me back to you.

He just shook his head and said, "Well you know what they say, love isn't always fair."
I just nodded and he stared at me. My attention was drawn to my notebook once again and he moved to where he was sitting beside me, glancing over my shoulder to see what I was doing. I could feel the heat radiating off his body he was so close and all I wanted to do was pull him close to me and tell him everything that was on my mind.

That little kiss you stole,
It held my heart and soul,
And like a ghost in the silence I disappear.

"Vic," he said and I looked over at him before he continued, "I'm sorry for everything I did."
"What do you mean?" I asked looking at him.
"About the last tour. Everything that was between us. I'm sorry I just walked off like that. Y-you actually meant something to me and I was too blind to see it clearly," he said and I felt my heart leap in my chest.
"I accept your apology, Kellin," I said and he smiled at me.

Don't try to fight the storm,
You'll tumble overboard,
Tides will bring me back to you.

I noticed that our faces were only mere inches apart and I had the sudden urge to kiss his perfect lips. I leaned closer to him and he seemed to realize what I was doing because he began to do the same. Our lips met in a soft kiss and I knew for a fact that I wasn't about to pull away from him. Not at this time, not ever. I loved him enough to let him go and the saying was right, he would return.

That little kiss you stole,
It held my heart and soul,
And like a deer in the headlight I meet my fate.

When we pulled away from me he stared into my eyes as a blush lit up his cheeks.
I wrapped an arm around his waist and said, "I don't want you to leave my side ever again."
He buried his face into my shoulder and whispered, "I don't plan on it, love."
"You mean it?" I asked him and he nodded his head before giving me a light kiss on the cheek.
"I wouldn't say it if I didn't," he said and I smiled.
"I love you Kellin."
"I love you too, Vic. I never stopped," he whispered.

Don't try to fight the storm,
You'll tumble overboard,
Tides will bring me back to you...