Don't Expect Me to Understand

Who the fuck would be at the door at one in the morning?

I mean, I was awake, watching, you guessed it, Star Wars, in Zoe’s bunk and thinking about her, like usual, when I heard three light knocks on the bus’ front door.

It was dark, late, pouring rain and close to bus call. Why would someone want to hang out on our bus? Everyone was sleeping, anyways. Except for me. That’s why I answered it.

I ambled groggily to the door in my pajamas, only to open it and be met with nothing but the rain. Shrugging, I went to close the door but something caught my eye. A little white object, about the size of a piece of plastic silverware. I actually thought it was a spork or something until I noticed a big pink oval in the middle of it. What the fuck?

I picked it up to study it and/or throw it away when realization slapped me in the face. It was a goddamn pregnancy test. Gross. Who just leaves those things on people’s doorsteps? Wait. There was a little plus sign in the middle of the circle. Now, call me Encyclopedia Brown, but whoever had taken the test must’ve actually been...knocked up.

Why would someone leave this on my doorstep? Whose eggo was preggo and why did they feel the need to tell me? I was positive that it was for me. Two of our crew members were gay, Vic I’m pretty sure is a virgin, Jaime had a girlfriend back home, and everyone else had the sense to use protection.

There were only two girls that I’d had sex with in the past year: Zoe and the skank from Buffalo. Skanks are always on birth control, right? And she was long gone anyways.

Fuck, I felt so bad about that. I don’t know what came over me. I was shitfaced drunk but that’s not an excuse. I was mad at Zoe but that’s not an excuse. She came onto me but that’s not an excuse either. I loved Zoe. She was my everything. I would’ve done anything for her. I’d’ve done anything to get her back. But I didn’t deserve someone as perfect as her. Lately, all I’d done was hurt her. I should’ve spent more time with her, should’ve told her she was beautiful, should’ve told her I loved her. But it was too late now. We were over and she was with Austin.

But, from what I’m getting, she was pregnant...with my baby.

I’m gonna be a dad.

Holy shit.

Zoe was carrying my‒our child. Zoe and I were going to be parents. We were going to have a baby together. I was gonna be a dad.

Holy shit.