Don't Expect Me to Understand

Seeing her on our bus was the last thing I’d thought would happen, but there she was, smiling and laughing brilliantly as Jaime swung her around. He set her down gently when they saw me, and for the first time in a while, I looked straight into those big hazel eyes and they weren’t angry at me.

“Zoe,” I breathed. The whole bus was dead silent.

“Tony.” She crossed her arms, trying to look tough and not succeeding. I noticed she was wearing my hoodie. She looked cute in it, as usual.

“I...should we...we need to talk?” I stammered, the last part coming out as a question. I gestured to the back lounge and she nodded. I followed her in and closed the door behind us and she sat on the couch. I stayed standing.

Awkward didn’t even begin to describe the feeling in the room at that moment.

I decided to put it out there and break the silence. “I fucked up,” I stated calmly.

She chuckled humorlessly, her face blank. “Yeah you did.”

“I’m really fucking sorry, Zo, I don’t know what I was thinking‒”

“You weren’t.” She was staring at the wall.

That shut me up. “I know.”

“I fucked up, too, though,” she confessed, turning her gaze to the ceiling.

After I gave her a puzzled look, she continued with a sigh. “I’m pregnant, Tony.”

Those three words hung in the air for a few long seconds before she spoke again. “I’m gonna have a baby.”

I nodded, unable to form words. I guess that frustrated her. “Will you say something, godammit?!”

My words left my mouth before she even finished hers; “That’s not a fuck up.”

She finally looked at me, jaw slack and eyes wide. “What?” she asked quietly.

“Being pregnant isn’t a fuck up. It’s not exactly something you can control. If it’s anyone’s fault, it’s mine for not wearing a condom.”

“About that...” she started, “I slept with someone else.”

“What?!” I exclaimed. “Who? When?” I probably sounded angry, but I really shouldn’t have been. After all, I slept with someone else, too.

“Austin,” she sighed. “It was nothing, I was just pissed off about you, and he was there and...now I’m knocked up and...fucking hell...” She was close to tears. I wanted to hold her and kiss her but I wasn’t sure of how she’d react, so I just watched her sniffle and wipe her eyes. After a while, she looked up at me. “Are you mad?”

I smiled and shook my head. “Of course I’m not mad, we both made the same mistake. We weren’t even together when you slept with Austin. I would’ve done the same thing,” I assured her, taking a seat next to her on the couch. “And this baby,” I said, pointing to her belly, “Whoever’s it is, I promise you, Zoe, I’m gonna be there for it, I’m gonna care for it and I know that as long as it has your blood in it, I will love the shit out of it alongside you because I promised your mom that I would be the one to take care of you.”

By the end of my little Notebook moment, I’m honestly choked up and Zoe was a crying mess but she was smiling like crazy through her tears and just seeing that let me know that I wanted to see it for the rest of my life.

“I fucking love you,” she sputtered before tackling me in a bear hug. I hugged her back, my arms fitting perfectly around her little body and her head sitting perfectly on my chest as her beautiful lips move perfectly with mine once again.

I leaned back on the couch so she was laying on top of me, just cuddled into me in a comfortable silence as I petted her hair.

I thought dreamily about how our baby would look. I hoped it looked like her. Green eyes with flecks of gold, curly hair, full lips and a cute smile. Truthfully, I didn’t really care what it looked like, I knew that, as long as it had Zoe’s blood, it would be beautiful and I would love it unconditionally.