Don't Expect Me to Understand

Just like that, nothing was wrong. The continuing bipolar cycle that is Tony and Zoe was at a high point after spending a week six feet under. Everything else was obsolete. Tony refused to leave my side for two days and I wasn't complaining. Neither of us mentioned anything regarding Austin, the fight, or the kiss. I wasn't complaining about that either.

I was sprawled out on the floor of the front lounge (a good tactic to stay cool) as the guys got cleaned up after the show and get ready for a signing, which started in five minutes.

“Five minutes, guys!” I yelled from my position on the floor. “Get your asses moving!”

Like sheep they all came out of their respective places and scampered into the front lounge. They each grabbed a sack lunch I packed for them (like the true tour mother I am) and a cold water bottle from the fridge before excitedly running out the door. I don’t know how those boys always have so much energy. Especially Jaime. He’s like a Mexican jumping bean, or a four year old. He’s always so hyper.

Tony squatted down beside me and we stared at each other for a couple seconds. “You staying here?” He asked, frowning slightly.

I nod and made up a bullshit excuse. “Yeah, I don’t feel too good.”

“Okay, I’ll see you in a few hours,” he mumbled, then kissed my cheek. “I love you.”

“I love you, too, Tone Tone,” I smiled. I watched his Vans get farther away until they’re gone, and the doors clicked shut.

{•••}

After about an hour of lying bored in the back lounge, I decided to get up and roam about, maybe buy some popsicles for the boys and go deliver them to the merch tent.

I stripped out of my jammies and pulled on a bikini top and some jean shorts, along with some Vans. Temperatures that day were supposed to reach a hundred and four, so no way I was gonna wear actual clothing. I chose leave my hair at its natural long, wavy/curly state, knowing that was how Tony likes it, and left the bus promptly.

Luckily for me, the food booths were all the way across the huge parking lot where the shows were (note sarcasm). I didn’t really mind though, it gave me a chance to enjoy Warped as a fan rather than an employee.

It’s times like these when I really love my job. The whole day, I watch and listen to amazingly talented people do their favorite thing, and I see audiences having the time of their lives upon seeing so. It’s great; just a ton of (sweaty) people coming together with one common mission: to make music an experience.

It’s even better though, working with these artists, because you get to know the people, the story, behind the music. It helps you draw connections between their music and their personality. And it’s especially cool watching them perform.

Emotional, too.

I was standing in line for these goddamn popsicles when I heard his voice above everything else. Turning around, I saw he was on stage, and looking right at me.

“This next song goes out to a very special girl named Zoe,” Austin said. “She’s really pretty and really sweet and just awesome. I like her, a lot, but I’ve been nothing but an asshole to her, because all I do is cause trouble between her and her boyfriend. I don’t like seeing her cry, and I don’t like making her sad or angry, but I’m usually the reason for her tears.

“And last night I did something really stupid that just made things worse. I got into a fight over her with her boyfriend. I made her cry. I made her sad. I don’t wanna do that anymore. So Zoe, I think I’ll just leave you and Tony alone. I think I’m always gonna care about you, but believe me when I say that wanting you happy will always be more important than just wanting you.”

The crowd went crazy and I was on the verge of tears as he finished. “This next song’s called Repeating Apologies.”

I hope you know, I swear I’ve never done this before,
And I care, I’m so sorry
Scarred you for life, please come back to me,
Down on my knees, repeating apologies

Why do I deny the heart that’s grown colder?
Too quick to criticize the lullaby
Why do I deny the heart that’s grown colder?
Too quick to criticize
Sweet serenity, I wish you, sweet serenity

Back on mistakes I’ve made, please come home to me.
I’ll show you truth. I’m all for you
I’ll hold your hand, ease your mind, yeah we’ll be okay,
Repeating apologies…

Wiping my tears off my face, I hastily pushed my way through the crowd, desperate to get out. I wasn't quick enough, though, and as Austin spoke the next verse, I stopped in my tracks and looked back at him.

“Stay here with me,” he said. “Let what I am, let it speak more- more than words they can’t compete with.” His voice dropped to a desperate plea and he looked me dead in the eyes as he said the next bit. “It’s always been you and me.”